Frustrated!

[ci]

OK sorry but I'm on here venting again.

Not sure why I do this but I find myself so desperately needing to vent my frustration and I have no one but my husband to vent to and sometimes the poor guy needs a break!

I've been doing so well thought I was starting to get on top of this ocd thing but it just won't give up it won't leave me alone it won't let me go it just keeps fighting me wanting to control my thoughts and make me fear everything. It makes the simplest things in life feel like mountains to climb over.

I am trying so hard!!! ! !  But I keep falling I'm so ashamed of myself so disappointed that this is who I've become and the small glimpses of the old me that I've been lucky enough to see the past month have made me miss the old me even more. I'm doubting I can do this I've got so much on my plate this year kids, work, uni and a house to keep organized what have I done how can I make it all work?

Today I just want to hide under the blanket and take time for me to get my head straight but unfortunately that's not possible. I'm sorry for the whinge I'm just so full of frustration and anger today my stomach is a mess and my face keeps going numb  I had to vent before I completely exploded. 

[Dwwmills]

Hi CI.

By all means vent. It’s far better than an explosion.

It’s fantastic that you have been doing well lately, it’s not an easy thing with OCD. As you know with anxiety it can be a two step forward one step back or even a three step back one step forward at times. The important thing is to just keep going. You must’ve learnt a lot of strategies to be able to get on top of OCD at all. I have a saying with my anxiety that “The hard times are the times that I learn the most from. They are also the most important times to keep trying my hardest.”  I have made the most progress in the toughest times. My tough times usually come about because of something I’m telling myself for a belief I have about life. Sometimes these thoughts are so heavily ingrained that I do not even realise that I’m having them. I just feel the emotions attached to them. I try to go back over what I have been thinking and dig down to what beliefs underlie these thoughts. I use cognitive-based therapy to tackle these thoughts when I find them and replace them with more helpful ones.

Try not to feel ashamed of yourself. Give yourself credit for being in there trying as OCD can be a tough nut to crack. You could possibly look at your negative self-talk. One way of looking at it is that you see yourself as a failure for having OCD and having to struggle. The other way of looking at it is that it takes a lot of courage to tackle anxiety and to face things that are difficult to deal with. You could congratulate yourself on having the guts to do this. It’s the same event but a completely different way of looking at it.

Keep at it you will get there.

Cheers

Dean

[blondguy]

Hey CI

Kids Work Uni and a house...oh boy!....Thats a full plate...

I know you 'try' so hard....Some people practise the art of 'letting go'.....

Trying Hard or Fighting can be the same as trying to 'put out the fire with gasoline'

Let the fire burn down without feeding it....

Can you 'try harder' with a broken leg?...A Virus?.....a severe tooth ache?....Of course you cant...same as OCD...Anxiety....they are physical...and OCD is...chemically based..making it a physical problem....

Falling Down.....yepp...that is part of the roller coaster ride...Dont beat yourself up CI

If you can...try to be 'gentle to yourself' and stop fighting so hard...:-) You are hanging on way way too tight CI

I actually think you are doing exceptionally well...and you havent whinged...you are actually very articulate CI

Be Gentle to yourself.....from the heart

 Kind Thoughts

Paul

[ci]

Thank-you Paul and Dean

Your posts helped me heaps I'm calming down slowly and taking time to re think why I got myself in a state today and your right dean about seeing things in the positive like being proud that I have had the guts to open up and ask for help and try and get better. I said that to my hubby the other day I have family that in there 50s still refuses to see have a problem with mental health I do acknowledge that it's hard to try and get help and admit that your not ok I'm proud of how far I've come just impatient.

Paul you probably right I do fight to hard sometimes I expect a lot of myself. I will try and let go 

Thank-you both for your support.

Hope your both doing well

[Mares73]

Dear Ci you are actually managing a heavy load despite the terrible anxiety that tries to bring you down. I really believe in Pauls comments about accepting you have an illness & that you need to congratulate yourself on all you've been able to do. Accepting our illness takes strength & courage but it's better than beating yourself up about having anxiety. Trying to fight it will only exhaust you. I'm not saying simply accept you have anxiety & live with it-I'm saying try to focus on being a bit easier on yourself & focus on all you have achieved & continue to do so. Those of us with anxiety and/or depression are often our worst critics as we place very high self expectations on ourselves often to our detriment. Realising the things you have accomplished & continue to do so is a much easier approach & will achieve the same outcome than fighting yourself all the time & ending up exhausted.

You say you end up exhausted & dissaointed with yourself for struggling. You are carrying a heavy load. I think your incredibly strong to tackle all that you have going on in your life. As I mentioned it's common for those of us with anxiety/OCD to struggle with being satisfied with what we have achieved. We get caught up in what we "think we should" be achieving. But Ci you ARE achieving on so many levels. You need support to boost your self esteem & become aware of your massive achievements. Are you seeing a Pyschologist? It might be good to get some professional support to teach you strategies for seeing & accepting your achievements rather than always expecting more of yourself.

Please consider phoning Beyond Blue who will support you to find highly trained professionals to help you with some strategies for learning to accept yourself.

i have complete admiration for your strengths & for not giving up. You are by no means alone in how you feel. Re seeing a Pyschologist if you find it hard to open up you can print this page & give it to them to read. Or write a list of key points relating to how you feel.

Please stay in touch as we care about you & hope you can get some good support. 

Take care my friend, 

Mares X

[ci]

Thanks mares 

Your right I  know I need to acknowledge the things I've achieved not focus on what I haven't and I'm getting better at it but when having hard time it's hard to put into action. I've always had high expectations of myself and no self esteem. I do see a phycologist but haven't seen her since before Christmas to hard with kids on school holidays will get back to see her soon also waiting for a group therapy to start in a few weeks I'm hoping that will be helpful.

My problem is I don't have a great support network it's just my husband don't get me wrong his great I just mean there are no friends or family  outside our house that willing to step in and help everyone busy with these own lives after what I've been through the last few years and had no response from them I'm to hurt to ask them for help again.

Sometimes you just need an ear to vent to or a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold down the street on those bad days. 

Thanks so much for you reply I  will re read it and hope it sinks in.

I hope your doing well