Finding it hard to cope with my Anxiety

[Jusanxiety]

I have suffered with anxiety once or twice a year for about 12 years now and have been on perminant medication for it which has been great. Normally the triggers are when I get sick or if something traumatic happens to me and it normally only last a week and then I am back to normal again. This time I'm not exactly sure what the trigger was but it has been 3 weeks and I am beyond exhausted by it and losing hope. From the second I open my eyes in the morning I am hit with anxiety. I walk for an hour trying to clear my mind and breathing before I have to get myself ready to go to work. I am struggeling at work as the pysical effects of the anxiety are so powerful. Afterwork I take my dog to the park and interact with other people but it takes every bit of my energy to do it. I haven't been able to eat for 3 weeks and all I can do is chew on pieces of vegetable and drink Sustagen so I can get something into me. I have tried to eat but I just can't.

I try so hard not to let the anxiety rule me by forcing myself into everyday life but I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I went to a pshchologist last week and whilst it was good to talk I am not sure that I have walked away feeling any better. I am heading back to my GP again tonight because I just can't cope and I am hoping there is something he will be able to do. 

It is just so hard as I have no partner or family to help me and friends don't understand because everyone seems to think that anxiety and depression are the same thing. They aren't... They are both very diferent issues. 

[Ladyhawke]

Dear Jusanxiety

Very sorry to hear that you're battling anxiety - it really is an awful disorder to have to deal with when it's so intense.

I suffered severe anxiety from around the age of five and depression from the age of about nine or ten.  Until I sought treatment at the age of 35, I don't recall ever waking up without a feeling of dread, nausea and the shakes.

In 2006 I had an anxiety related breakdown and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. After that it was impossible for me to work and I also developed agoraphobia. My psychiatrist trialled me on a number of meds until I finally found two that have worked very well. One is a slow release med that eases the physical symptoms, if I wake up with the shakes or nausea; the other is a fairly fast-acting med that I use if I feel my anxiety begining to rise quickly or have a panic attack.

Very good idea for you to see your GP tonight - just be as straight with him as you can be. You may also like to mention your session with the psychologist and your feelings on how it went.

If that was your first session with a psychologist, I would be inclined to give it a few more sessions; if you have been seeing the psychologist for a while, then perhaps you need to be referred on to another psychologist or psychiatrist. Getting the right fit with your therapist is so very important. I saw five psychiatrists before finding my present therapist whom I have been seeing weekly for 15 years.

Yes, of course, those of us who have major depressive and anxiety disorders know they are not one and the same. There is a great deal of info on this website about both disorders. I wonder if you could print the information off and give copies to family and friends as a way of helping to educate them about your situation?.

I hope all goes well with the GP this evening; I'd be very interested to know the outcome. Please feel free to make contact as and whenever you wish to.

Take care

lh

[Jusanxiety]

Thank you Ladyhawk. I have done so much reading and everyone and everything seems to be so judgmental of medication so it is nice to hear someone say that it is OK. My biggest fear is developing agoraphobia. I can see how suffering from anxiety can lead you down that trap and that is why I am forcing myself with every bit of strenght I have into "normality".

Thank you again for your kind words.

[blondguy]

Hi Jus

Thankyou for having the courage to post

Anxiety can be a pain. I also have had it for many years. Just a couple of things for you

Well done for making use of the meds..Excellent move..They can help us help ourselves

Great move with having the GP and a counselor too! I understand you work and are a sufferer too. If I may suggest (you may already be doing this) that you make your GP visit a regular one. Especially while your anxiety is 'spiking' The psychologists are great but do require a lengthier time frame for any therapy to be learned effectively.

I see that you have pinpointed some triggers and thats fine. The triggers can be handy to know but right now your ability to use 'Gentle Acceptance' when the 'feelings' of anxiety come over you is important. This right now might not mean much to you but 'fighting' the anxiety only compounds the anxiety itself. (This does take time and practise Jus...like any change in thinking)

Anxiety being a physical based disorder should be treated like one too. The adrenaline flows..then the hormones etc ..then the symptoms (feelings) of anxiety start up...Not pleasant at all Jus.

Would you 'fight' a broken limb?...a virus?...diabetes?...of course not..We accept those bad feelings...not 'fight them'...It would only make you even more exhausted, like you are now with the anxiety.

Trying 'so hard' and 'forcing' are commendable but very exhausting..By using 'Calm Acceptance' of these anxiety feelings it actually weakens the anxiety and its intensity. Its just a 'kind' way not to make the anxiety worse by 'fighting' it.

Nice work by the way with the Sustagen..I use it as well, a very good idea.

Quality of Sleep is so important too...ipads cellphones before bed can over stimulate brain activity when used before going to sleep. The last thing a sufferer of anxiety needs is a poor sleep. Having another fear of developing agoraphobia is common but actually rare. Be kind to yourself and stay in the 'now' 🙂 not the future, its not here yet.

I admire your attitude and strength Jus as well as being so pro-active with healing yourself..You have made some huge steps here. I see you have re-booked your GP....another sign of strength. You should be proud of yourself.

If you need a reference for using 'Calm Acceptance' just let me know. It would be great to see how you are going if you wish to get back to us

Be 'Kind to Yourself'

Paul

[White_Rose]

Dear JA

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you for telling us your story, which is a scary thing to do.

Having anxiety is horrible as I am sure all those who have this illness would agree. I have to agree with Paul though, forcing yourself to do anything can be very counter-productive. Going for an hour's walk in the morning I suggest is too long. We all know the benefits of exercise on mental health but there can be too much. My GP tells me 20 minutes is sufficient. Why not ask your doctor?

And on top of that you walk your dog. I know he/she need exercise but not at your expense. You have not told us about your family. Do you have a husband/partner, children. Is there someone who could walk the dog? On top of that you hold down a full time job. Now without wishing to be rude, Superwoman you ain't.

I understand that when anxiety hit you had your routines or activities to manage and obviously they have been successful up to now. But until now you have always known what has triggered your anxiety. This time is different and it appears the old remedies are not working. I am interested in how long you have known your psychologist. If this is a new psych it will take a couple of sessions to become comfortable. Even settling in again with a previous psych can take time.

For me there is little relief immediately after chatting with a psych. It takes me time to process what has been said by both parties. Often you realise you have forgotten something or do not quite understand something that has been said or suggested. At the time everything seems clear but gets a bit blurred by the time you get home. Something to chat with your GP about & going back to the psych for several visits, even if you start to feel well again.

Congrats about the Sustagen. I never thought about that and lived on a cheese sandwich for weeks. Lost 22kg. Clearly you are taking care of yourself as best you can. Now let someone else help you. GP and psych are good starts. What about family and friends? How about a week's sick leave? It's true we need to make the effort to get well ourselves, but pushing yourself too hard may just make matters worse.

I hope you have time to read this before your GP appointment as I think it would be useful to discuss the comments I have made with him.

Love to know how the GP visit went and how you are feeling. Venting here is good. So is taking ADs, and I never thought I would say that or do so. But I will take them forever.

Mary

[Jusanxiety]

Thank you so very much for your kind response Mary,
Unfortunately I don't have a partner or family to support me through this. So it is something I have to manager on my own and with my GP and psychologist. First time I have been to this psychologist so I just have to give it time. Just wish I could get in to see her more frequently but a) she is always booked b) despite using the Medicare 8 visit subsidy it doesn't cover the entire cost.
Taking time off work really isn't an option I'm afraid as I am single and have a mortgage to pay. I also think that as hard as it is to get myself to work it keeps my mind somewhat bussier.
I have been walking to try and burn off the adrenaline. The adrenaline makes my stomach burn and knot, my skin burn and rush and makes me shake and bitter. I think this is the worst part of this. I just wish I knew when this was going to end 😞

[Jusanxiety]

Thank you so much for your kind response Paul.

Yeas I have been reading about Gentle Acceptance and I have been trying really hard to work on it the last couple of days. I am finding it hard to maintain though and find myself getting teary because I just wish it would end and I could go back to normal. I guess this is something I just have to keep working on and hope that in time I can master it.

Just wish I knew when the end date for this bout of Anxiety is.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond.

[blondguy]

Hey JA...I am so glad that Mary was here to help too. because I am like you...a mortgage to pay and no partner/family to help.

I know and understand you want an 'expiry date' on the anxiety...Your GP can be just fine right now..okay?...Do you get bulk billed with your GP? If you do...just make it a 'visit' to help you heal...once a week/fortnight would be a great start. You are worth it JA. You will notice an improvement.

It does take time though...The 'Art' of Calm Acceptance takes practise..I am sorry JA if I have made it sound like a 'quick fix'. I also understand you dont have a partner or family you can 'bounce' off....Right now that leaves maybe a friend for 'general venting about life' and us (Mary, myself and many other kind people that are on this site)

I do know a fact though JA...Your anxiety will decrease in strength. A lot. Right now you have a bad storm over your head and might stay there for a while....but it will pass. When you have the strength you wont 'anticipate' an anxiety attack...It will become boring for you...and much much less severity than it does now. You will look back and see these bad days as a memory...

Mary is right again here....I do 30 minutes of walking my dog a day...It may not not burn off the adrenaline but it slows down my mind.

My reference for 'Calm Acceptance' is ....'Self Help for your Nerves' by Dr Claire Weeks...The title is old but she is really helpful about 'accepting anxiety attacks..' Thus enabling you to heal

We are Here

Paul 🙂