Feeling so fed up right now 😢

[Whycantlifebesimple]

Im a bubbly nothing makes me sad care free kinda gal on the outside..... but ive managed to fool everyone. Im 35 and i use to cry every night up until mid last year. I have never told anyone that a friend of my parents abused me when i was 11yrs old. I cant stand the word molest. It makes me physically sick and i think my defence mechanism deleted that word for me throughout my younger years to help me cope in life. I get so nervous/anxious when i have to leave my house and front people. Its like i fight myself everyday. I also feel like a manipulator because inside i feel so small and broken but because i "force" myself to be social, my friends and family say im the life of the party. In saying so im not pretty at all but i think its because im funny is the reason they think that. People also come to me with their problems and i never tell them what they should do but i "advise" them. My thinking is they came to me for a reason so i should give them a reason why they did. I never compare my problems to anyones because big or small its a problem for the individual. I dont want people to think im easy to push around. Just lately ive been feeling really down. All i need is someone to appreciate me. I started going to church and every sunday i use to cry coz the sermons seemed as if it was aimed at me. Mind you i was not a believer. I realised when i finally forgave this man for what he did i then forgave myself for holding on to it for so long (it might not sound reasonable to some)but i never cried at night over it since mid yr last year. Mind you i cry when things get too much but i have a high high tolerance for things. I just needed to vent and i even feel bad for venting on here coz i dont want to burden anyone. 

[blondguy]

Hey Why

No worries at all....With the fuel pumps...I had that for years and yes....its awful....Its probably a lot more common than we think. I am fortunate that those days have gone and they do go away....yes it took time and effort but now its just a tiny memory...

Not for you right now though....I remember the apprehension and anxiety with fuel pumps...supermarket queues...traffic anxiety....ugh! I do feel for you

Please let us know how you are going 🙂

These feelings WILL pass

Be Gentle to Youself....please

Paul

Woof!

[Moonstruck]

Hi Blond Guy....(Whycan'tlifebesimple I think brought up this fear)....getting petrol!!  I thought I was the only one who's ever been afraid of servos!!

I go to the same one ALL the time..a small surburban one at the end of my street where the guys inside know me.....and if my particular space isn't available I come back when it is.

I don't like filling up just adjacent to the highway where other motorists going past can see me in plain view. If I happen to run low when in the main part of town I haven't a clue which one I'd go to.

when my anxiety in general has been high...I've actually put off getting petrol to another time...feeling a bit shaky as I drive down the road towards the Servo!!!  How insane is THAT??

If I could just take all the "fear" and being "scared" of just about everything out of my life....please, please let it all be gone!   If someone could just put their arms around me and say "you're safe, you're safe now".....