Feeling Scared Again.

[Beaser]

Hi and best wishes to everyone.  I know that there are people doing it so much harder than me. But i just feel defeated at the moment.  Im just so lonely and i miss my ex partner so much and i know i have to move on .I started a new job that i was going well at but i couldnt go in on Wednesday and i feel really bad about it. Im sick of fighting this battle and im tired from it. Just how much do i have to go through . Im sorry to be on such a downer but i dont know where to turn to at the moment.    If i break it down im lonely and scared.

I wish every one a good day .   Brett.

[Moonstruck]

Dear Beaser...being heart broken is horrible.  Unfortunately it seems to be a part of so many people's lives,...so many have been there.  I've been there.  Breaking up is horrible.   Don't feel guilty or "less than" or scared because of your reactions and deep deep sadness.  It is to be expected.  Try not to fight the feeling of "feeling lonely and missing her"...recognise the feeling and allow yourself to feel it and give it a chance to move through you.     My partner died a couple of years ago.  It was the ultimate "break up".  I was not there when he went and didn't have the chance to say goodbye.    He was the only man who ever really loved me.   I am heartbroken too,  and missing him terribly.....for different reasons than you dear Brett......you will get through this and come out stronger....don't be scared...you are already doing it and growing, even though you can't see that now....xx

[Beaser]

Thank you for your reply Moonstruck.

I am so sorry to read of what youve been through yourself.  

The fact that you can still reply to me and offer some great advice speaks volumes about the person you are .    I cant imagine what your going through yourself.    

Im going through that phase of feeling like it was all my fault and i didnt realise how good things were when we were together I will be honest and admit we had problems . I found it very hard that she was also in contact with guys that she  had met online . She felt angry at me for that  .  I guess i had a lot of insecurities.   

Im 56 and have battled for about 40 yrs with my depression and anxiety ad its affected my relationships.       Thanks again and love to talk more with you or others.     Brett.

[Moonstruck]

Hi Beaser...don't know if you are a reader...here are a few books that helped me through my anxiety {which I have had sometimes very badly for years..long before my partner died...it hasn't just come upon me, so I have some sort of understanding how crippling and horrible severe anxiety is!  .....anyway these books have helped me calm down a bit and feel more hopeful in the past.....Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks, The Amazing Power of Emotions..by the same authors....and Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed...which is a series of her answers to readers of a newspaper in which she was a columnist...they wrote with all sorts of problems and her answers are nothing short of genius!   Common sense, mixed with an excellent knowledge of human emotions and life itself.....she's "been there" too and I just love her replies to the writers....sometimes very serious, sometimes light hearted and amusing.......she was also author of Wild, about her own life...which was made into a movie starring Reese Witherspoon.  I was wondering how long you and your partner were together?     { don't forget to breathe!!}.......best wishes from Moon S......

[Beaser]

Hi Moonstruck.

Thanks again for your kind and thoughtful reply .

I have read a few books but not  the ones you mention so ill keep a lookout.  I read one by Ekke Toll , The Power of Now.  Also one more recent by Turria Pitt. 

In answer to your question i was only with my partner for about months. I know thats not long but it still left me feeling lost and lonely since we split up about 8 months ago  now.  I guess its easy to look back and gloss over things and forget why things went wrong. We met in the middle of covid and here in Victoria it was a tough time. We were legally only allowed to see each other for a lot of that time. Then when things opened up i had a desire catch up with old friends and do some of the things i had done previous . I have no close family contact and my friends and the football club were my happy place. I think i may have come across as a bit selfish because of that and i regret that.  Im doing my best but its tough ATM .        

Thanks again Moonstruck i hope your well yourself.   Always happy to talk    Brett.

[Beaser]

Im feeling really scared again. I just dont know where im heading  in life...  Im trying to find a new job but im so scared i wont find something im happy in.  I left my job of 15 years last year and maybe ive made a terrible mistake..  I think when you live alone in my case i just didnt have anyone to talk things over with and get a better perspective.  I am so lonely as i split up with my girlfriend last year.    Im tired of this way of life.   Best wishes Brett.

[Beaser]

My  Birthday is today .  

I feel really flat about it.  I turn 57 and feel just so alone .  

I just feel really scared as i just want someone to be there for me on my birthday.  I can understand this may sound a bit self indulgent but im finding it tough today.  Best wishes       Brett,

[GreenEgg]

Hi Brett

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way, and that you’re feeling scared. I’m here now to talk if you would like?

It’s not self indulgent at all, from only one post I could tell how kind and thoughtful you are. That’s another thing to be proud of and kind to yourself about - today you spent the time offering me reassurance and support even though you’re scared yourself.

G

[Beaser]

Hi G 

I hope your going ok.  Birthdays can be hard and i think for people in our position even tougher.  

I got into see my Dr  yesterday and had a talk and tweeked things a bit. So im hoping this helps .  I dont know about yourself but its such a roller coaster ride for me. Im here if you wish to talk and am interestedto hear how you are going.   Brettt

[HamSolo01]

Hey Beaser

Wanted to pass on a shout out for sharing what you did on your original post. 

Im 29 and have often felt lost with myself but I see that the struggle is not an age thing. 

Its a weird thing to be reassured about tbh. But I'm just saying that I'm glad you felt free to post in the way you did. 

Any advice for a younger man?

Cheers 

Hamsolo01

[GreenEgg]

hello!

It’s good you were able to get in to see your dr - hopefully the adjustments help.

Roller coaster is definitely right, some days feel alright and then others feel like I haven’t gone anywhere. I think my routines are really important in this because I live alone too, and it’s too easy to withdraw.

You mentioned that football and your friends were your happy place?

g