Dear Losstt
Good to know you are setting up a mental health plan. The person you will be referred to is a psychologist as that's the way the mental health plan is set up. Medicare pays a benefit but you will usually have a gap payment.
Feeling that you are not good enough is so common. And putting the needs of others before your own is also common. All to do with our self esteem or lack. You show the calm and confident front at work because you know you do a good job. Why do you think it's different at home?
The unfortunate part in all this is the way the depression keeps rearing its ugly head. I'm sure you have heard depression called the Black Dog so why not think of it as a dog that needs to be taught manners. It barks loudly to stop you thinking, trips you up when you are out, and jumps all over you when you are at home resting. Treat it like a dog you are training.
Once you know what to do you much more control over your life. The depression and anxiety may not go away altogether but your skills will help you get through this.
Telling yourself you will be different is a good idea but isn't working. You need to know how you want to be and that's the difficulty. You sound as though you are doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Talk to the psychologist about this when you are set up. In the meantime think of a small thing you can do differently. It may be something nice for yourself like a warm bath with lovely bath salts. If you like cooking perhaps a lovely meal. Coffee with a friend.
Talk with your GP about the meds.If they are causing horrid side effects you need to change. There are lots of different AD. The first meds you try are not necessarily the best for you but unfortunately there is no way of knowing the goodies from the baddies because everyone has individual needs. I had an AD which made me feel as though my head was going to explode and I had colony of ants inside. A colleague taking the same AD had no trouble.
Have a look through the information on BB. It may help you to understand what is happening to you.
Mary
