Feeling lost

[Losstt]

I feel very alone and anxious all the time. Today is a bad day. I feel like nobody loves me.

I spent the day looking up mental health facilities thinking i need to admit myself or something

I don't know what i hope to acieve from this post

[Chloe_M]

Hi Losstt,

i suffer from anxiety. It is there 24/7. I also suffer from depression. A lot of the time I feel like no one loves me. But people do love me, and they love you too.

You may not really know why you posted, but I do. You want to fix whatever problem you are dealing with. You want help so you chose to reach out for support. That takes a lot of courage. So welcome to the family.

why don't you tell me a bit more about yourself. Your likes, dislikes, also if you are up for it how anxiety makes your mind and body feel and react. The more we know about your situation, the more we can help and the more advice and support we can offer.

Honey just remember that we here on the beyond blue forums are always going to be here for you, even when you feel like no one is. Thank you again for reaching out to us 💖

All the best,

Chloe x

[Losstt]

Wow Chloe your reply was really sweet and made me feel a bit better. Ive been reading threads to occupy my mind and everybody is so kind to each other.

I've never been very good at talking about myself but I'll try. I don't have a lot of interests to be honest i don't do much anymore at all. I don't find myself enjoying things anymore.

I do love my children and they keep my somewhat sane buky making me insane.

When i get anxious i get very restless, butterflies in my stomach like i need to throw up. I can't concentrate very well and my mind races. I guess thats the best i can describe it, i also end up getting upset at myself for it and experience deep self loathing. Which then turns into feeling like i have nobody and that im all alone, its getting so much worse. Don't even want to see my friends.

I skipped work today so i hate myself for that, ignored all messages today including a text from a collegue who just returned from the UK after her daughters funeral. So i feel really bad about that too.

[Lov3]

I’m feeling the same today. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for a while now but just lately my stress levels are really high.

I had a family event last night and I told myself not to drink but did and I think I’ve made a fool of myself.

I feel like a mess. Dealing with how I’m feeling inside and having to keep on with life and work is just getting to much and I need to go to a rehab or something!

[Losstt]

Lov3 i always feel so much worse after drinking, especially if a drank too much. To be honest i should quit drinking all together. It really screws with my head.

I hope things start looking up for us both

X

[White_Rose]

Dear Losstt

Hello and welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. I am very pleased to meet you and thank you for sharing your story. It's not easy the first time you post so many congratulations.

Anxiety, like depression, just seems to hang around not noticing the hints to go away. Taking yourself to a hospital does not mean they will admit you. What they will do is get you assessed by one of their psychologists or psychiatrists then send you home. I expect the hospital doctor will eventually send a report to your GP for follow up.

You are not at risk of harm to yourself or others and unfortunately our psych hospitals are full with those who are extremely unwell. It's good that you are thinking about getting help. Sadly your symptoms are all too familiar to many of us. If you do not know much about anxiety and depression I suggest you browse this web site. Lots of information here and it's all good. Look under Get Support and The Facts. I think it will help you if you have a better understanding of mental illness in general and anxiety and depression in particular.

I most certainly felt like you with my mental health. I used to do lots of things but gradually lost interest. It was as much as I could do to go to work and I could not do that some days. However I worked at getting well and had help from all sorts of people. I was referred to a psychiatrist because I was very unwell. My GP was awesome and my colleagues at work were very good.

You don't say if you have a spouse or not. Since you have not mentioned it I presume not.

Feeling unwanted or unloved is something many of us experience. I want to tell you this because we often believe we are the only people who are in this situation. Not so, take heart that you can regain your happiness. Racing thoughts, self loathing, lack of concentration, nausea are all part of this wretched illness.

You said you thought it may be a good idea to take yourself to hospital. That's the best place if you feel very unsafe/may harm yourself. I am sure you are nowhere near this so why not go to your GP and have a chat. I have found GPs are very well equipped to manage mental health issues and will be able to help you and reassure you. Please write in again.

Mary

[CMF]

Hi Losstt and welcome to the forums,

Sorry to hear how you are feeling, it sucks, I know. Have you been to see your GP and/or do you have counseling? This is a good start. How old are your children?

Keep posting, you will find lots of support here.

cmf x

[Losstt]

Thank you Mary for taking the time to reply.

I see my GP regularly and recently had my medication dose changed.

I do think a lot about how i can't be bothered to live anymore but i don't think i could act out those thoughts.

I do have a partner yes, he is supportive the best he can be but i think he thinks that i will take pills and magically be better. Actually only started meds because i promised him i would give them a shot.

But when i feel very low like today i just avoid him a lot because being around him makes me feel sad wondering why he doesn't love me. It's so confusing inside my head and as i write this i think i must sound crazy. Even though i know he loves me i can't make these feelings go away. I hate to be a burden on him too.

[Losstt]

Hi cmf,

My children are 1 and 9. Very large age gap!

I haven't had success with counseling ever. But maybe i should try again

[White_Rose]

Hello Losstt

So pleased you are working with your GP on your mental health.

Your lack of success working with a counsellor is sad. Have you tried talking to a psychologist or even a psychiatrist? Many of us have thoughts of dying and usually this is as far as it goes. Fleeting thoughts, in my opinion, are quite normal for someone with depression. It's when they stay in your mind and you start to deliberately think in this way that the trouble starts. Have you mentioned this to your GP? It's really very important your do this.

Being around anyone when you feel so bad is something we try to do. We need to learn to limit our exposure to others at all times until we feel strong enough to move forward. By that I mean talk to a friend on the phone, find a cafe with tables available and drink coffee while you watch the world go by. That way you are keeping yourself a little distant but also not being alone and broody.

Well it's 11:30 pm and time I shut up shop. Sleep well.

Mary