im just gonna get straight to the point. almost 2 years ago i became "obsessed" with blindness. im aware of how ridiculous it sounds. it got to the point where i would spend hours a day researching just about everything about blindness. i decided i wanted to be blind. at the time i recognised that what i wanted to do was stupid but nothing could stop me. i made up my mind.
i began trying to harm my own eyesight. i then told my parents "i had a black dot in my eye" and was taken in for eye scans. they said they could see macular damage on the scan and they even mentioned "we don't know whether this damage will progressively get worse or not." my parents were freaking out and couldn't sleep. i was so happy that this was going somewhere and "i might finally be blind." i didnt realise the stress i put my parents through for something so small.
i had many doctors appointments and cost my parents a lot of money. in the end, the doctor diagnosed me with some eye condition that i know isnt what i have. about a month after looking at the sun, i woke up one day and wondered what that was all about. i felt absolutely zero urges to be blind anymore. i was back to normal. its strange because the obsession was so so bad to the point where i was absolutely delusional. but oh, i woke up the next day and boom im fine again. i havent felt any urges to be blind or anything since then.
however, ive been feeling so guilty. i want to apologise to my parents for the stress i put them through and i want to tell them everything. ive been getting straight a's and my parents have been so proud of me lately. ive gotten to the point where i cant be around them without the urge to cry. i went out with my mum today. we got food and drinks and she bought me a keyring. ive been crying all night. how can i just accept all this knowing what i did? its not just this instance too. last year i had similar urges and harmed myself. i was totally delusional. when i get "obsessed" with things i just cant think straight.
i want to tell my parents soon. do you think i should? will they still trust me?is there something wrong with me? my parents are the only people i really care about and i dont want them to think of me differently.
