Easter Anxiety

[Fiatlux]

I know many of you will understand the anxiety of holidays and family gatherings.

I have absolutely hated them.

My abusive husband would give me a stern warning even before we got in the car to go anywhere that I had better be good or else…

Strangely he remembers family gatherings as fun. Even my children remember him menacing me in the car as they got older. He would make all celebrations about him.

Christmas we tried a small family gathering, just 4 of us and this he had to ruin by telling awful untrue stories of me from 25 years ago. I spent the next few days crying.

I want to see my sons if for no other reason than to give them an Easter egg, but I have yet to contact them to try to arrange a catch-up.

I absolutely hate Easter

[Sophie_M]

Hey Fiatlux,

Thank you for sharing this here. It sounds like it’s a really difficult time of year, and it’s bringing up some painful memories for you, and is a really tricky time to plan for. It must be really hard to want to see your sons but have some real concerns for how it's going to be when you see them.

We’re sorry to hear you’ve been dealing with abuse. No one should speak to you like this, or make you feel this way. It’s not ok, and you deserve so much better than that. If you'd like to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss this, they're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here: https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome
You can also reach out to the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors anytime, on 1300 22 4636, available 24/7, or you can speak to them on webchat here.

Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members soon. We hope you can be as kind to yourself during this difficult time as you have been in opening up and sharing with the community here, today.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello Fiatlux, I'm sorry this is happening for you and it could be classified as emotional abuse, although I'm not a doctor, but by him doing this must take away any little excitement you thought you were hoping to happen.

Can you catch up with your sons without your husband knowing because the way he treats you is not very pleasant at all.

Can I ask if you had thought of leaving him and would dearly love to hear back from you.

Geoff. x

[Fiatlux]

Thanks Geoff,

We separated in June 2019. I had to move out, so left him. He had already started an affair a year earlier. I wasn’t aware of this as I would have left sooner.

As soon as I moved out, he harassed me to move back. I eventually had an AVO against him in June 2020.

After being separated during Covid, and dont ask me how this happened, We started spending time together. Before I knew it, I was back in my old house again. Although I have kept my own place for emergencies.

I feel like I got suckered or emotional manipulated to reconcile with him. He has made an effort but my hearts not in it. Our marriage ended the first time he became physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. That was 1987.

I honestly think that we stay married because Divorce was complicated. Joint Properties, Business, Covid etc.

We have 3 adult children, 2 living independently, but our children would prefer that we Divorced. Living with him again has been soul destroying. I was suicidal for some time. I don’t have any real hope for the future but not suicidal, just resigned to the fact that I am broken.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Fiatlux,

We just wanted to quickly pop in and recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support with this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here. They also have some really good tips on online safety here.

It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here. 

We also wanted to share a few other bits you might find useful:

• Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse
• 1800 RESPECT’s advice on safety planning: in case you'd like to have a look and think about some of the ways you can keep safe
• It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.

We hope you don't mind us popping in to share this. We just want to check you're ok and let you know that we're here. We can hear you're feeling broken, but we think sharing here is a really powerful move and could be a first step on the path towards feeling better. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M