Drank and kissed two men

[Supportrequired]

Hi All, it's been a rough day some of this is self inflicted. I understand that. Last night a enjoyed a few drinks and ended up missing two different guys. I'm single.

I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. I'm panicking it will get to my workplace and everyone will be talking about it.

I'm scared and just about to go into an emotional breakdown over it.

I know the act itself wasn't bad as they are single too. But it's more the social scrutiny that's really working me up. Help!

[jonjr]

firstly hello and welcome,

before i can voice an opinion or offer any advice i would ask if you can elaborate.

are you male or female?

single yourself?

Do you know them?

I know they are awkward questions but they would make a lot of difference to the replies given buy all

[Supportrequired]

Thank you Jonjr.

Single, female.

I don't know them, but know people that know them. The complication of living in a small town. Kissed them. That is all.

[jonjr]

Thank you for the reply

The anxious feeling you are experiences is normal. Hey look if we never had that feeling then we would all fear nothing. i myself and i am sure many others have had one to many and done things that we regret. I definitely know i have on more than one occasion. The small town think i am sure is a worry but as all things it will pass , people forget , they move on. I am sure anyone that teases you at work has been just as guilty at some point or will be.

It is not nice to be singled out at any time and ridiculed, but know that if it gets to much there is help... you are never alone. Have a hug and stay strong, ride it out and remember you can be stronger than you think.

[Spl spl]

Hi Supportrequired,

I hope you are feeling alright. Thanks for reaching out here. Social scrutiny can definitely become quite a worry at times. Things like reputation and social standing can be based on in my opinion, petty things. Its okay, very normal actually, to feel that anxiety.

There are some things that you can control, and some things that you can't. You can't control the past. You can't control how other people act, what they do and say. What you can control is yourself.

You can control how you think, feel, and act about this situation. If you know this, then you know that what other people think about you does not matter so much. Life happens. Sometimes we get into things that test that social scrutiny, there's no way around it. How you handle that is what's important.

I'm a just a comment on the screen, so its very easy for me to say "what other people think does not matter"- but genuinely, I mean it. For most people, what they're thinking about you really makes no difference to your actual life. It matters if its your boss, lover or landlord, but aside from those kinds of things, it really doesn't. Any weird comments or vibes (if any!) should fade with time as the next interesting thing comes around to talk about.

Social scrutiny or shame in general can help people stay somewhat in line. It makes sense for some things. For this? I don't think so. Take it easy and go do some self care if you need. Anything that helps you lower anxiety, like maybe lighting a candle or spending time with a pet. It could be those spiralling worries are not helping, so maybe try and get your mind off it by reading a book or watching a show.

On a final note, I said before that eventually a next interesting thing will come around. Now... if you're feeling up to it, you could beat a world record today (just kidding) but yeah, anything that will distract people might help you out. I do not actually suggest this, but hypothetically, I bet dying your hair would lead to more comments about the hair and less about that night. If you're really worried, provide a distraction to the masses. Because doing that creates attention and stares that you can control. If someone is staring, oh, its because of your hair or whatever it is. Again, it's just an example, but hope that gave you some ideas on what you can do and what you can control in this situation. Your choice to take it easy or go all the way. You have got this. This will pass. All the best!

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Supportrequired

I hear you, dear. I also come from a small town where everyone new each other.
The way I see it is you have two options:

Wait and see how the situation develops. It might not develop at all. After all, it has really been only a kiss after having a few drinks and a good night out. This is pretty common. We all do silly things while little drunk . And we regret some of them the next day.
Second: you approach your friends who know those guys and say something like: “you know those two guys z and y? Funny things happened to me over the weekend. I got tipsy and ended up giving kissing them. Well, no more tequila shots for me, thank you very much!”

One way or another, if you can, try to make fan out of it. Present it in a funny and light way, not much happened “it was just a kiss, no biggie”. Repeat this to yourself too, because that’s the truth. You said that yourself: it was just a kiss. People might or might not talk about it. They might have more absorbing things to discuss.

Take care there, I truly hope all goes well for you. Let us know how things go.

[Petal22]

Hi Supportrequired,

I understand your worries but please try not to worry about what others think about you..

Sometimes when we have anxiety we seem to make things bigger in our minds than they actually are.

Go easy on yourself, maybe try to react to your thinking in a different way…

[therising]

Hi Supportrequired

I can understand your stress and I really feel for you. Regret and dread can be seriously tough feelings to manage. They can actually be quite sickening at times. Being a gal who's an ex drinker, I can recall those feelings pretty easily. They're horrible.

I've come to realise over time that if there's one thing that will sift the judgemental over opinionated gossipers out from the really great people in life it's to do something to trigger them. The ones who aren't like that, the ones that are really great, they're the ones to listen to and vibe with. They'll raise you out of how you're feeling. The rest are just stressful and depressing. You want to be steering clear of stressful and depressing people. You might even want to call them out on their behaviour, 'Do you realise how stressful and depressing you can be? You really need to be more careful with that. Your attitude's really not good for the people around you'.

Can be seriously hard to shift the internal dialogue when we're facing regret and dread. My wish is to throw some positive dialogue your way in the hope that you'll come to use it for yourself and believe in it and its simplicity: 'What I did was fun and experimental at the time. What I did didn't hurt anyone. What I did was open my mind to the experience. What others think of that experience is their issue. One day they'll get over it'.

Watch out for those judgemental people. They're highly triggering creatures. You can easily sense them. There are plenty of them out there in this world. They just can't help themselves. Try not to let that be your problem. They have a lot of work to do on themselves 🙂

[Allay]

Hi Supportrequired.

I grew up in a small town and they are gossipy. So I can understand your stress over this. I’m glad you realise that having a few drinks and kissing a couple of guys is not some unforgivable thing. (Even if you’d done more than that, you haven’t inflicted harm on another. Consciously or otherwise). You’re single, they’re single. So you haven’t hurt anyone.

I’m guessing (since you’re very anxious about social scrutiny) that impulsive choices are out of character for you. I think you’re also concerned about being judged here. (Your opening statement that ‘ … some of this is self inflicted. I understand that’).

I think people gossip for a couple of different reasons. To connect socially and to enjoy the reaction of the person being gossiped about. Hold your head high. Try not to appear flustered by it if it does reach your workplace. Perhaps follow Learn to Fly’s suggestion of preemptively wording up friends at work. Practise a few responses you could give people if they tease you about it.

You will be ok.

[geoff]

Hello Supportrequired, you must have been enjoying yourself and had a few drinks, so you expressed yourself by kissing two men, no big deal, I'm sure the men thoroughly thought it was great.

If it gets to work, there might be other girls who want to know what it was like to kiss Mr. S because that's certainly what they would love to do, don't worry about doing this, you had had a few drinks and that's all.

Blame the alcohol and nothing more.

Best wishes.

Geoff.