Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

[Flop]

Hello everyone,

This is a bit of a different post but I'm looking for opinions from people that may have been in/are in a similar position and people who share similar struggles.

I often feel quite lonely and have been single for about 1-2 years. I have a longing for companionship and love, but I haven't even begun looking, and he's why -

I'm 24 now, and feel extremely behind in life. I'm on benefits, I don't work because of anxiety, I don't have my license, tho that and my anxiety are things I'm working on.

I think I'm a nice person with lots of love to give, but I feel like anyone would look at these things and not want to give me a chance. I would give someone a chance in my position, but I worry most if not all people won't feel the same. 

I hope to hear from some of you and hear what you think.

Thank you for reading 🙂

[_Gigi_]

Hi Flop!

Your post really resonated with me as I am in a very similar situation. While I'd love to meet someone, I'm scared that my uncontrollable anxiety would ruin any relationship, so I never even try. But there must be plenty of people like us out there, who understand the struggle of anxiety and who it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for.

Just make sure to remember your worth and not let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because of any hardships you have faced. You sound like a genuinely kind person and I really do wish you all the best.

[quirkywords]

Flop thanks for your post. 
you say you have been single for past 1 to 2 years, we’re you dating before that.. .?

Gigi has written a supportive comment. It is important to remember one’s worth and that you are more than your anxiety. 

[Flop]

Hi Gigi,

Thank you so much for your reply, understanding and kind words!

I think you're right, there's probably heaps of people out there in similar situations to us that want the same thing, or even the people who aren't that want love will look past our "issues" and see us for the person we are.

If you're ready for a relationship, I think you should start looking. You also seem genuine, kind and deserving of love and appreciation. There isn't much, if anything to lose from putting yourself out there. You remember your worth too! And thank you for that reminder, I'll try to do the same.

I wish you all the best as well, take care and thank you!

[Flop]

Hello quirky,

I've been in relationships prior, but I feel like the world has put expectations on me, i.e: at my age I should be working and have my license bare minimum. I don't know if these judgements are misplaced, but I wish the things that my anxiety has heavily impacted weren't the reasons I remain single.

There's a chance that I'm putting these expectations on myself and people would be more understanding, but it can be difficult to think like that when having a job and your license are "normal".

You're right though, I'm not just my anxiety. Maybe I'm over thinking these things? Maybe the things I'm concerned about aren't as big of a deal as I'm making it? I'm not sure.

Thank you for your reply, wish you the best.

[hshs]

First of all flop, I can understand why you feel sad about people not giving u a chance I am also overlooked a lot in dating however as a fellow anxiety-diagnosed person I can understand your situation and how that can make dating and relationships difficult. the biggest piece of advice I can pass on is the right person will find you before you look for them. as someone who was actively looking for a relationship I entered a lot of toxic and dificult relationships that all ended with me having to get out of a dificult situation. i trust with your longer time on this earth than me you are a better judge of character however don't rush in. you will meet someone eventually who will give you a chance. 

you seem like a kind person from what i have read and good luck in your future 🙂

[1234567ABCD]

In short no but I know how you feel!

I have practically become phobic about dating. The idea of someone wanting me gives me panic attacks and the runs.

I feel like Im tricking them somehow which is nuts.

Everybody deserves to be loved - even if sometimes we feel like exceptions to the rule. I often remind myself some of the most evil people in history were married! I've never started war by invading a country, smuggled nuclear weapons, or been a dictator. Anxiety is minor in comparison.

I do not know if I will ever have a significant other and that makes me really sad. But there are other ways I can show and recieve love.

Friendships, animals, etc. It isn't the same but it is something.

[Flop]

Hi Hshs,

Thank you for your understanding and advise. Definitely something to keep in mind. If you haven't already, I hope you find your person as well. As you guys have reminded me we're all deserving of love and there's a joke that goes "show me a room of people with anxiety and I'll show you a room full of the nicest people in the world". Maybe anxiety is a blessing and a curse at times haha.

You seem genuine and kind as well. Good luck also! 🙂

[Flop]

Hello 1234567ABCD,

I assure you that anyone who wants you has made that up in their own mind and you aren't tricking them whatsoever! I hope in the future the idea of dating has a less potent effect on you.

Haha this is a good way to put it. I know for me dating someone with anxiety wouldn't phase me in the slightest, I'm sure there are heaps of people that think the same. Everybody is deserving of love, and that includes you too!

I feel this as well, I think this mindset is more common than we think when we are single, that "we'll be single forever" but our odds of finding the person for us hasn't changed, don't give up! Tho definitely friends, pets and family are important too.

Wishing you luck in your future! 🙂

[C_Lake]

No, you are not undateable!

For a long I also considered myself indateable.
I am transgender, graysexual, and grayromantic. That alone can be a complicated state of being for anyone that wants a long-term partner.

I am also 33 years old and openly identify with these "tags" and, have crippling social anxiety to boot. The social anxiety is so bad that it warrants a disability pension - I literally cannot hold a live conversation with a stranger without taking a 10 minutes (or longer) pause and perfect what it is that I want to say. And then, even without the social anxiety, I'm literally physically crippled with muscular fibrosis in my shoulders.

On top of that, I am not conventionally attractive, and I know that for a fact.

I thought that I would die alone, and was ready to make peace with that.

But it turns out that there really are people who will love you for who you are, and will see you for what you're worth.

Don't ever let anyone make you forget that.

You are worth being loved, and somebody out there will love you.