I don’t have any friends

[stell_a178]

Ever since I can remember I have had a hard time making and then keeping friends. This issue worsened after leaving highschool, into both working full time and university. I have found that trying to make friends and then keeping them has been so incredibly draining for me. I find it tiring having to put on a face for people, having to smile and act happy when in reality I’m exhausted and my social battery is already on -5789%. I feel broken, because on one hand I really want a friend to hang out with and chat with. But there is another part of me that doesn’t have the energy to contribute into any friendships. I also find it hard to trust people, which usually leads to me ghosting on people. When people make one single mistake I tend to run and hide because my past friends have bullied me and made me the butt of the joke. Does anyone else have a similar experience? I’d like to know if I’m alone in this feeling or not.

stella (20F)

[Richju]

Dear Stella,

Yes, I've definitely experienced what you are describing and was interested that you said you don't trust others. I was exactly the same - as soon as I discovered someone had a fault, I would drop them like a hot potato.

As I've matured, I realise that, of course, we all have faults and it was actually myself that I couldn't accept. I had a lot of guilt, hurt and resentment for things that had happened in my life.

Meditation was my saviour! Through regular meditation (3×15 mins each day) I came to know myself and understood about projection on to others. For example I felt bad about myself so i used to look for all the faults in others.

Now that I have accepted myself as I am, warts and all, I can enjoy many friendships, knowing that I'm a pretty good guy, who has lots to give to others.

Thus has taken me many years to achieve but now I enjoy my friends, my life is much fuller and I have more energy.

I hope this is helpful for you Stella and I'm sure you are a really good person with much to give to others.

Warmest regards,

Richju xxxxxxx

[Aussie.Girl]

I'm sorry that you are struggling. Unfortunately I have also had the same experience of finding it difficult to make and keep friends. 

I know this might sound cliche but if there is something you are really interested in like a particular sport or hobby you could try reaching out to people involved in those hobbies to find a more genuine connection where you can be yourself. 

I know it's difficult to initiate conversation with strangers, but there are kind and wonderful people out there and you deserve to have people you can rely on. 

I hope you can find some people you connect with 

[Lu8Lu8]

Hi Stella,

I’m 25 and I’m in a similar boat as you. I don’t have any real friends apart from my boyfriend (struck gold with him. Do not know how), mostly acquaintances or his friends. I meet people all the time but I don’t really enjoy social situations so any sort of friendship I form fizzles soon after. I think trust issues can sometimes form because these people leave. We start to believe that people are unreliable and subconsciously retract ourselves out of social situations. It’s been said tonnes of times before but joining a group of people with a similar hobby as you, although daunting at first, sometimes helps. I can’t exactly offer anymore advice (as I am still in the boat of loneliness) but I just wanted to let you know that you most definitely are not alone.