Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

[UncertainlyMe99]

So for the past year or two ive had really bad cognitive issues, with my memory, concentration, decision-making, everything... I work in a casual hospitality job, which I enjoy very much most of the time, however I am sometimes a little absent-minded- despite trying my hardest- and people get annoyed at me. My confidence is at an all time low, and in spite of that i still have nothing against constructive criticism, however something that upsets me immensely is when you make a mistake and another person makes you feel like an idiot for it. Although ive had a pretty good life overall- despite mental health struggles for years- there have been a few people who have this way of reacting. It was happening a lot at work, and obviously when it does it makes me make even MORE mistakes because then i get even more flustered and doubtful. But they make degrading comments or look at you like you're stupid, and i dont think its because they are being mean necessarily, but i think they do it without realizing the effect it can have on some people. I dont react anymore, as they are unwilling to look at it from another perspective, but it takes so much out of me. It seems to happen a lot with these people when there are others around. So you can imagine its embarrassing for your struggling cognition to be brought to everyone's attention like that.

Im really extremely sick of myself. I hate me so much and im not suicidal but im tired of trying and never being enough. This happened again last night, and I was even having such a good day- where I was keeping myself busy, did a bit of study before work, and tried to keep a positive attitude throughout the day. I was smiling, having engaging conversations with people, and then I make a mistake where I forgot to give an order to a customer for a few minutes because I got distracted attending some tables. I came back, and he started talking loudly (almost yelling) and telling me "why didn't you do this?" "You should have given the order, whats wrong with you?" I told him im sorry and i forgot, but he kept going on and on about it, talking to me like i made the biggest mistake in the world. I went silent and later on he kept asking if i was okay... I said I was fine and continued with whatever i was doing.

I dont know what the point of this was. Forgetfulness, lack of concentration, easily distracted, can't think clearly. I feel dumb and stupid. If this is just who I am, I don't want to be this anymore.

[Ehhthhan]

I feel exactly the same, am I’m a similar situation, hospitality job. Got called a tool at work tonight for a mistake, but that was after a barrage of small mistakes. It’s not just work, it’s around friends, its by myself in my own pursuits. I found your post from searching up why I’m like this and I relate to almost every single word. I just feel incredibly stupid and dull. I used to be so much more capable, and now I just feel slow, a lot of what I do goes to waste, ends up being pointless.
So if that’s how you feel too you’re not alone.
It’s not the things you say to yourself that hurt most, it’s believing what others are saying.

[Aussie.Girl]

I have also experienced what you described at a couple of different workplaces. I know how awful it feels to be trying your best and be told it's not good enough, so I'm sorry to hear you and so many others have felt this way.

Please know that it is not a reflection on you or your intelligence. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when they are under pressure.

[Sal559]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I can relate to what you describe and I definitely don't think it's a reflection on your intelligence. I came to this forum as someone also looking for advice on a similar issue.

I think anxiety can really dull your cognitive abilities—I've been experiencing this a lot myself. I'm really forgetful, make more mistakes and am generally just not as sharp as I used to be. I really believe it's anxiety doing this because I used to be a confident A-type and felt super clear-headed then. It's only since I've developed anxiety through some trauma from some big life changes that I've started to doubt myself. And the more I doubt myself, the more anxious I get and the more mistakes I make. It's a downward spiral.

If you are able to remove yourself from the situation, I suggest to do that. Have you considered finding another job? It's what I am hoping to do for myself anyway. If you can remove the triggers, it will give yourself a chance to improve and get out of the cycle.

[cara33]

Thank you for writing this! I have this feeling a lot, too! I had a traumatic workplace experience a couple of years ago and when I moved to my new job (which is less demanding in literally every way) I found myself not able to think through things, confidently answer questions and generally failing more than ever. knowing its a moment to prove my worth and going blank, and just not able to ‘access’ the skills and instincts I previously took for granted. It’s been hard and I am sick of it too! And of course the more blanks the worse it gets and then I think - have I lost brain function? Or maybe Was I just delulu in all my the previous jobs and memories ? So hard. 
i think it is a confidence + anxiety + trauma response thing tho. You seem very eloquent so I don’t think you are dumb. Also your colleagues sound immature and shitty. 

I really hope you start to feel better soon Bc everyone is literally always making  mistakes! i have seen colleagues make truely wild mistakes and act as if it’s nothing and nothing happens.

 Last thing, I don’t know if you have tried this but it might help if you try to reframe what happens to you? For example, you could try thinking about all the things that led up to the mistake and find a hack to ensure they don’t trip you up?
Like Having a response to customers who try to hail you on the way to the tilll that buys you time, or something. 
I hope that helps. All the best