Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

UncertainlyMe99 · ‎16-06-2019

So for the past year or two ive had really bad cognitive issues, with my memory, concentration, decision-making, everything... I work in a casual hospitality job, which I enjoy very much most of the time, however I am sometimes a little absent-minded- despite trying my hardest- and people get annoyed at me. My confidence is at an all time low, and in spite of that i still have nothing against constructive criticism, however something that upsets me immensely is when you make a mistake and another person makes you feel like an idiot for it. Although ive had a pretty good life overall- despite mental health struggles for years- there have been a few people who have this way of reacting. It was happening a lot at work, and obviously when it does it makes me make even MORE mistakes because then i get even more flustered and doubtful. But they make degrading comments or look at you like you're stupid, and i dont think its because they are being mean necessarily, but i think they do it without realizing the effect it can have on some people. I dont react anymore, as they are unwilling to look at it from another perspective, but it takes so much out of me. It seems to happen a lot with these people when there are others around. So you can imagine its embarrassing for your struggling cognition to be brought to everyone's attention like that.

Im really extremely sick of myself. I hate me so much and im not suicidal but im tired of trying and never being enough. This happened again last night, and I was even having such a good day- where I was keeping myself busy, did a bit of study before work, and tried to keep a positive attitude throughout the day. I was smiling, having engaging conversations with people, and then I make a mistake where I forgot to give an order to a customer for a few minutes because I got distracted attending some tables. I came back, and he started talking loudly (almost yelling) and telling me "why didn't you do this?" "You should have given the order, whats wrong with you?" I told him im sorry and i forgot, but he kept going on and on about it, talking to me like i made the biggest mistake in the world. I went silent and later on he kept asking if i was okay... I said I was fine and continued with whatever i was doing.

I dont know what the point of this was. Forgetfulness, lack of concentration, easily distracted, can't think clearly. I feel dumb and stupid. If this is just who I am, I don't want to be this anymore.

Peppermintbach · ‎17-06-2019

Hi UncertainlyMe,

I really feel for you. The comments at work must leave you feeling hurt, discouraged and, as you said, it’s also embarrassing.

I know you’ve already been struggling with memory and concentration issues, so to also be berated publicly must really, really sting...I feel it’s an enormous blow to your self confidence....

Sadly, I feel sometimes certain people can be a little lacking when it comes to sensitivity and tact. I think there’s no need to make a scene in front of customers. They could just speak to you quietly or pull you aside to chat, but they’ve obviously opted not to do that...

I also feel it’s really harsh and unnecessary to turn a work related reprimand into an attack on someone’s disposition. I get a sense that maybe there’s a bit of that going on at work for you too...

I realise your self esteem has been very much shaken and you’re feeling very down on yourself at the moment. But I believe that struggling with concentration and memory doesn’t make you “dumb and stupid” as you put it. I think it simply means you’re struggling with concentration and memory, and it’s not a reflection of your intelligence.

I have a friend (offline) who has issues with focus and memory because of past trauma. It doesn’t mean she’s stupid, it simply means her brain is still suffering the aftermath of her past. In her case, she uses lists, reminders, etc to try to overcome her struggles.

I understand your issues and hers aren’t identical of course. But I suppose what I’m getting at is struggling with memory, focus, etc isn’t necessarily a reflection of your intelligence. There are plenty of very bright people who struggle with memory and concentration (like the friend that I just mentioned)...I hope this offers some small reassurance to you...

Thanks so much for opening up. I know writing out feelings and sharing them isn’t easy, so good on you for doing that. That was (is) brave.

I feel it’s okay to not always know why you’re writing here. Sometimes I feel it’s good to just have an emotional purge. So please feel free to write in any time if and when you want to (no pressure). It would be lovely to hear how things are going with you some time...

Kindness and care,

Pepper

CoraC · ‎17-06-2019

I have worked with Supervisors like this as well. It's interesting how you can receive the same message from different people, depending on how they approach you and their wording and tone makes all the difference. UsIng phrases like "What's wrong with you" is really unnecessary and not at all constructive. I would feel really upset if someone spoke with me like that. Fortunately not all Supervisors are like this, certainly not good ones anyway! Please don't think this type of personal criticism is ok, it isn't. Unfortunately this is how some people express themselves. We have all made mistakes in our work, to do with remembering things, I know I certainly have.

I wish you luck with your situation.

Anto77 · ‎17-06-2019

Hi UncertainlyMe,

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story. I hope writing your story and the advice and empathy you get here helps you feel better.

I can assure you you are not alone. You have basically described me most of my working life. I have also worked in hospitality (did so for 20+ years) and always had the same problems you described. To be honest, I beat myself up like you do, but I really don't think we are dumb.

Anxiety greatly affects your cognitive abilities, the ability to think clearly and straight and it's a cycle. You make a mistake, you panic that you did, you overthink it and make more mistakes. If you don't suffer from anxiety you wouldn't know just how much it can affect your ability to do your job properly. When you consider how much overthinking and worries etc.. congest your mind it's no wonder things accidentally slip or we forget an order or to add an item to an order etc. It's inevitable. You are not dumb you just have an illness that happens to affect your cognition and are doing your best despite it. Yeah, people would make comments when I forgot things or wasn't quick enough or concentrated enough too but to be honest probably no one more than me. I would berate myself and think how could I have missed that!! And I would lose all my confidence but really we are not dumb, we are brave, brave enough to work despite having anxiety and a mind that doesn't always function at 100%. I am also by nature, sensitive, so any negative comments from colleagues even the smallest ones would affect me greatly (and still do even in my new job). A passing comment can have me in a tail spin of overthinking and questioning my abilities, however that person would probably never know that their comment had this affect on me. It's not easy and I totally understand how you feel, don't doubt yourself. We are all human and all make mistakes and because we suffer from anxiety we might make a few more. SO WHAT! Doesn't make us dumb or bad workers or anything like that. We are all doing the best we can with what we've been given.

And for the record that guy is very unprofessional almost yelling at you for making a mistake especially if it was in front of others. Hospitality is intense and it's easy for people to lose their cool so try not to take his comments too personally.

All the best.

HelpingOneAnother · ‎19-06-2019

Thank you for sharing your honest feelings about what’s been going on. I can certainly relate to what you have just said. I only just joined this forum cause I am battling non stop with anxiety. I also have worked in hospitality myself and have had many encounters where similar situations have occurred and I can highly empathise with you. Thank you for sharing. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. It’s hard because I can’t truly talk to the people around me as they don’t understand- or they just think I’m being a drama queen because I look like I have it together- but on the inside I’m a mess. Hospitality is a tough industry to work in. It has its good points but it surely has so many berating points too- colleagues being like that- yuck. I’m trying to study as well and it has major effects on my concentration and preductiveness and then it makes me look like I’m being lazy..when I’m not. I suffer a lot. Some days are good..but then all it takes is one punk to cause me to spiral cause I’m so sensitive and have been put down my whole life. Thanks again for sharing. I feel better already even though I know this thing won’t go away forever- but at least I feel like there is someone out there battling the same demons I have been. Bless you

HelpingOneAnother · ‎19-06-2019

Thank you for what u said in this post to that other person because I am suffering with similar issues and it helped me

HelpingOneAnother · ‎19-06-2019

Nice grounded, real comment. Thank you. I just read what you replied to that person as I have been suffering myself. I don’t feel so alone

HelpingOneAnother · ‎19-06-2019

You’re spot on with that response. Thank you. I have done hospitality for 20 yrs too and it’s tough when you’re sensitive. I appreciate you’re encouragement to that person because I just joined this post and I could relate alot and just needed to hear that I’m not the only one

Peppermintbach · ‎21-06-2019

Hi HelpingOneAnother (and a wave to UncertainlyMe, CoraC and Anto),

It’s great to have you on board here. Thanks so much for sharing your insights and experiences. I 100% agree that it helps to feel less alone in our struggles.

I hope to see you all around if you feel like writing. No pressure though, that’s a given 🙂

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

UncertainlyMe99 · ‎08-09-2019

Thank you to everyone who posted a reply to my post. Peppermintbach, CoraC, Anto77, HelpingOneAnother- All your comments and replies have given me hope. It feels good to have people who understand you and validate your feelings, regardless of all the people who don't understand it feels good to be heard. So Thank you all.

And thank you for sharing your stories with me (and us). There is always someone, or many people, who are going through similar circumstances, so its a good reminder that we aren't alone (as many of you already said).

I am trying to remind myself of my good qualities and work through the tough and doubtful times.It still happens every now and then, and I feel bad for quite a while and then it eases down.

I am feeling a little better mostly than I was a little while ago. I am trying to give myself a go in this life, in spite of my difficulties... and I do believe that I deserve a chance in this life regardless- and so do you all. We are al enough just as we are. I hope you know that.

I wish you all the best of luck with any trials or challenges you may be facing in your lives. Thank you all again very much. I appreciate you all.