Battling an Eating Disorder that I don't understand as well as Panic/Anxiety Disorder...I don't know what else I can try....

[jessypixie]

Hi all you beautiful Souls, this is my 1st post, I've kinda run out of options so I thought I would give this forum a try.

Im a 30 year old female, who has suffered with some type of "eating disorder" since I was 3 years old. At the age of 14 I started suffering from Depression, which has now lead to me battling with severe Panic/Anxiety Disorder for the past 5-6 years.

I can't make sense of this eating disorder, I have been to 4 different therapists in the past 5 years, have tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, amongst other things, and NOTHING I do works.

So, from the age of 3, one day I stopped eating meals. My family says that I just refused to eat pretty much every single food known. The only thing I would eat for dinner is hot chips, sandwiches/toast & certain fruits (and this still continues to this very day)

I find it really hard to explain, because this is something I am so ashamed & embarrassed about. I try & hide this from anyone new I meet, & I strongly believe that the reason behind me developing Anxiety is because of the way I eat (I constantly fear death, think I'm having/will have a stroke or heart attack because of the way I eat)

I know what you're probably thinking, How hard is it to put food into your mouth and simply swallow it? I have tried over and over again to try new food, especially healthy foods that I know are good for me. Everytime I do this, even if the portions are so minimal, I freeze up, I cry, I feel nauseous and am completely resistant to it. There has been a few instances where I would put a piece of carrot (example) in my mouth, chewed and eventually swallowed the food that's in my mouth but I cannot bring myself to have a second mouthful.

I think the easiest way to describe it is that I have a phobia of food I guess?? I have a partner of 13 years, and I can cook he's food and be around the food, I just CANNOT put it in my mouth and eat like a normal person.

My anxiety has stopped me from doing research online, because I can't even really describe my problem, so how can you find the answer right? This has already taken about 2 hours just to write this.

I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who suffers or knows someone who suffers from something similar? Where there are very minimal types of food you will eat & even with those foods, you're still very fussy and particular about them?

To anyone reading, I appreciate your time. I am so lost and confused, any advice would be so appreciated. Peace & Love

[turtles148]

Hello!

This post is very old, but Im hoping theres something that may still come out of this.

I suffer from this exact same thing, and ive done so much research because I knew it wasnt natural and I was so ashamed- I wantes help. This is the first thing Ive stumbled across that is literally what i have. I cant go out to birthday dinners, Im scared of going to sleepovers or out for lunch- just because i eat what children eat. I smell things, I put things in my mouth and I want to vomit. My parents claim im just a picky eater and they think its my fault- which hurts even worse- one time my dad tried to force me to eat spaghetti and i wouldnt so he shoved my face in it. And they still laugh about it. I dont want to eat only these certain things and I always think about how its going yo affect me in the future, much like how is anybody going to accept this? Ive tried talking about it to my parents too recently, but im immediately dismissed. I hope I can work on this and perhaps bring it up to my psychologist- and I agree it does take a toll on your anxiety, because eating is such a large unavoidable part of your life, so you always feel that guilt or sadness that can come from it.

Its somewhat comforting to know its an actual thing- and that other people have this problem too. Im not glad in any aspect that you have it because I know its a bad thing to deal with- but i admire you sharing your story and im glad. This makes me want to seek out help for it, so thankyou.