Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

[Nervybella]

Hi

im a 20 (nearly 21) year old who doesn't have a driving license. When I turned 16 and got my Ls I wasn't in a very good head space, but I didn't know it then.

i though it was normal how I reacted/was at the time but looking back now I see that's around the time my mental health declined majorly for the first time.

I am absolutely terrified of driving, I only got about an hour of my learners before I started having panic attacks. Even to this day I will have a panic attack if someone mentions me driving/I think about driving etc

my friends be family don't understand how I can be so afraid...I'm wondering if it's strong enough to be a phobia???

coming up to my 21st a lot of people are telling me to go for my license. But I just can't. It makes my physically ill to even think about it.

i have managed to live my life so far without a car and believe that I will continue to survive without one.

i would like to hear if anyone else has a similar story and if anyone older than me has lived their life without a car/license??

thanks

Bella

[Nikkir]

Hi Nervybella,

Thank you for reaching out to us:) I completely understand your fear of driving even though I have had my licence for a very long time, I now refuse to go to far from my neighbourhood and will just drive locally, I too feel anxious and stressed. I have known quite a few people who don't feel comfortable driving so they just don't get a licence and that's that. With the cost of running a car and petrol and parking, I use my car less and less. However, it really is up to you. You could get some sessions from a therapist ( you just need a referral from a GP) and explore this fear, if it is just driving or if anything has happened in your past that is triggered when you go to drive or you could just accept that at this stage you do not wish to drive, it may change in the future or it may not. It is always stressful learning a new skill, I do remember I was very nervous to begin with and improved with practice. I went to a professional school to teach me and then I just did my hours with my parents. I recommend this, some people aren't good teachers and that can cause anxiety. I wish you all the best and if you want to talk again or if there is anything we can do, please us know on 1300 22 4636 or chat with us:) Nikkir x

[Nervybella]

Thanks Nikkir

i have pretty much accepted that this is the way my life will pan out. Not having a car, using public transport, uber etc. and after a long time battling with those thoughts I'm pretty ok with my decision.

what I'm not so ok with is how to tell people in my life. My family and friends just don't understand it and say things like I'm limiting my opportunities in life, don't know what I'm missing, can't be independent without my license etc etc

this really gets me down. I also find it hard to answer people's questions and find that I make up lies as to why I don't drive...when really I should say that it makes me anxious and I don't want to do it. Why can't I just be honest with people???

It also upsets me that people who say they support me can't accept that this is just the way it is. I feel like they try to guilt me into learning when all that does is lead to a panic attack or bout of anxiety 😕

just feeling fed up and frustrated, thankyou for sharing your story and I would still like to hear from people who don't drive...how do you find day to say living?

Bella 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Nervybella,

Driving phobia I think is quite common even if it isn't an actual thing.. it may be, I am just unsure... but I know of many people who hate driving and don't like driving out of fear so you are not alone in that regard. I went through a patch where I hated driving, I wasn't sure why but I made my partner drive me everywhere.. I got over it eventually, but I tied it into my anxiety I have suffered for many, many years. I have relatives and friends who refuse to drive further than a 10 km radius from their house out of fear of going onto a freeway etc.

Is it something you could possibly speak to a psychologist about.. by all means if you are happy to not drive then that's your decision and one you should stick with if that's what you want... do you deep down want to drive at all or have no desire to at all?

My best for you,

Jay

[Music_Freak]

I'm 37 and have had my license almost 2 years. I got my L's when I was 19 and it was my anxieties as well as finances that meant I took as long as I did.

I suffer from terrible anxiety when driving, but have found ways to cope. I avoid traffic and only go to places I know, plus I think I have forgotten how to park so I use the easiest option available, even if it means extra walking.

I would also recommend exploring this in therapy as things like this aren't always as clean cut as they seem.

I will say one thing though, driving is one if those things that gets harder the older we get. I was much more comfortable earlier on in my driving than I am now. That might be something to consider

[h12]

I certainly had a bucket load of anxiety when I got my Ls around 5 years ago, and all through my learning stage it was generally an experience of having 'mild' panic attacks about it. I had a terrible Ps test where it was pouring with rain and I almost crashed, and I thought at many points that I'd give up on driving and just do public transport. Now I have my full license and am quite a bit more confident, although I certainly have more anxiety than the average person and wherever I can only drive suburban streets, routes that I'm very familiar with, and don't drive friends around because I'm worried talking to them will take away from my concentration on driving.

Essentially you certainly aren't alone, I think that I'm familiar with the same anxieties you have; maybe you're worried about getting lost, ending up on a freeway out of the city, crashing when changing lanes, injuring other people etc or getting into embarrassing situations. As with most anxieties, I would suggest that unless you deal with it (as in actually start driving) it won't go away on its own and will probably become more ingrained. That doesn't mean you can't avoid driving forever and feel ok about that, but it means as time goes on, it'll get harder and harder to start driving if the need arises. Exposure therapy with treating it is key - baby steps with just sitting in a driver's seat, moving the car up and down a driveway, then up and down the street, two streets etc etc.

If you're concerned about what other people think, I think it's fine to admit to your close friends exactly what your fears are, and for other people I find dodging the question by giving a broad but honest answer works like 'I'm just still on my L's, crazy I know, but my parents have never had time to supervise and I live close to a train station etc, how about you?'

By the way I always find it inspiring when people can come to these forums and open up to discuss what is bothering them - like everyone else I think that you're pretty amazing for being able to do that!

Hugh

[Zeal]

Hi Bella,

Welcome to the forum!

I didn't get my L plates until I was 22, and now at 24, I've made little progress with driving. I've had anxiety/OCD since I was 13 by the way, just as context. I don't like the idea or thought of me driving, or hearing others talk about it at length. Last year I ended up telling myself and others that I would work towards my P plates. Ever since my second driving lesson with an instructor early last year, I stopped wanting to progress with driving. This second driving lesson was on a 40 degree day, and I couldn't focus. I think the driving instructor was getting annoyed with me.

While people's reasoning for getting a driver's licence may have some truth, it of course doesn't make it any easier to go driving. My boyfriend is the person who encouraged me to get my driver's licence in late 2015. Without his influence (he wasn't pushy), I know I would not even have my L plates. Getting a job without a driver's licence can be an issue, but there are certainly jobs where having your own licence is not essential.

My boyfriend and my parents rarely mention my driving (well, lack of), unless I mention it myself. My parents both have busy lives, so it's easy for them to forget about the fact that I'm not practising my driving haha. My boyfriend's sister, who is the same age as me, also doesn't drive. She got her L plates at 16, and has done less than 10 hours in total I think. She'll be 24 later this month.

I've been surprised by how many family friends have told me about people who don't drive. A neighbour who now has 3 kids said she didn't get her licence until she was almost 30. There are ways to make not driving easier. You already use Uber and buses. Cycling and walking are options. You could do favours for friends or neighbours in exchange for car rides. My Mum has been amazing with driving me to places I need to access. My boyfriend lives only two streets away, and we are in the same social group, so it's easiest for us to go to social things together anyway. I pay my way with meals and I am helpful and supportive in other ways, so this helps.

I hope my story has been helpful in some way 🙂 I'd love to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Nervybella]

Hi Zeal,

thanks for replying. Like you, I often pay for meals/coffees/movies src if my friends have driven me to a social gathering. in that way I feel like I am not isn't them up so much. They say they don't mind but I sometimes think they do.

how does your boyfriends sister find not driving? What do you both do for work?

At this point in time I just don't want to drive. Mainly because it makes my anxiety skyrocket, and I have enough other things to be anxious about so I feel that if I can eliminate one, why wouldn't I?

And you're right! Just because people come up with all these "great" reasons to get your licensee doesn't actually make my anxiety about the situation disappear.

one more thing...do you ever encounter people who just won't accept it/drop the situation. How do you respond to those people? I find it very difficult to explain my situation

hi music freak and Jay,

deep down I don't want to drive, I just can't bring myself to do it. The other day I was in the car with my mum and as we were backing out of the driveway she asked me to steady the steering wheel while she adjusted the mirror. I completely froze, went clammy, felt like I was going to vomit etc. anything like that to do with cars I just can't handle. Also at Christmas I had to blow up a spare mattress using a car, and I nearly had breakdown just putting the keys in the ignition to start inflating the mattress.

Thabks for listening

Bella

[Music_Freak]

Exposure therapy may just be what's needed here, like they do with people who are afraid of spiders.

Avoidance will only make things worse, take it from me, you shouldn't use it as an option. It'll only mess you up further. You could end up not even being able to sit in the passenger seat.

Just my two cents 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Nervybella,

I like Music_Freak's idea with exposure therapy, I actually haven't heard of it but it makes sense... may be worth looking into... not saying to drive but to at least get used to being in the car and doing the little things you mentioned above.

May be worth the look.

My best,

Jay