Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

[Nervybella]

Hi

im a 20 (nearly 21) year old who doesn't have a driving license. When I turned 16 and got my Ls I wasn't in a very good head space, but I didn't know it then.

i though it was normal how I reacted/was at the time but looking back now I see that's around the time my mental health declined majorly for the first time.

I am absolutely terrified of driving, I only got about an hour of my learners before I started having panic attacks. Even to this day I will have a panic attack if someone mentions me driving/I think about driving etc

my friends be family don't understand how I can be so afraid...I'm wondering if it's strong enough to be a phobia???

coming up to my 21st a lot of people are telling me to go for my license. But I just can't. It makes my physically ill to even think about it.

i have managed to live my life so far without a car and believe that I will continue to survive without one.

i would like to hear if anyone else has a similar story and if anyone older than me has lived their life without a car/license??

thanks

Bella

[blondguy]

Hey Nervybella! Great advice from BballJ, Zeal, Nikker, musicfreak and h12 above which is great for you

Driving phobia's are more common than you know. I was at at stage in my 20's when I couldnt sit at a red light as the anxiety would bite me hard. I would avoid and drive around an intersection to avoid the panic attack that I thought was going to happen....

Whether its a phobia or not...If I was in your shoes now, I would start with your GP and even print out the great thread you have created and hand it to her/him 🙂

I knew a head of an emergency department (Div1 Grade3 Nurse) that also had a mega fear of getting her license and she was in her 30's.

You are not alone here Bella....not at all....Its a free country last time I checked....get your license when you are comfortable doing so.....

Please see your GP and have a good vent as you have done here. You are strong enough to post here....many cant....time to have a yak to your doc and you will be surprised at the progress you will make 🙂

When convenient, please let us know how you go, it would be great to hear back from you

my kindest

Paul

[Zeal]

Hey Bella,

Thanks for your reply!

My boyfriend's sister is reliant on her parents and my boyfriend for lifts, and she's fortunate that they are willing to continue doing so. They are a close family 🙂

I finished studying undergraduate psychology at university late last year, and I am starting a year of postgraduate counselling/psychotherapy later this month. I've honestly never had a full-time or even part-time job. I had a casual retail position for several months when I was 18, but was laid off (in the nicest way possible) by my boss, because I lacked assertiveness/confidence. I have been babysitting children since I was 17. My Mum helped me get to places where I babysat.

I started volunteering at 21, and my Mum was amazing at driving me and the girl I mentored once a fortnight. I am so thankful to her for that. I'm starting two voluntary positions soon, but there is minimal driving needed.
I can use the bus system. I've got a position to tutor Japanese and South Korean students in English online, but I don't know my start date yet. I would love to be a counsellor or psychotherapist after I finish postgrad, which usually involves seeing clients from a fixed location. This isn't the case with social workers, but I know that this wouldn't be the right role for me.

To be honest, I haven't really come across someone who got argumentative about or rejected the fact that I don't drive. I've had people look shocked, but that's as bad as it's been. In terms of an explanation, I don't think it is essential for you to justify or defend your decision. It is ultimately your choice, and if acquaintances or strangers don't like this fact, that's just the way it is.

I know my boyfriend wants me to learn to drive (for myself firstly, and also for practicality in the future), but he rarely mentions it unless I do. He knows that it makes me anxious, and that talking about it more is not going to have the desired effect of 'inspiring' me to drive! Like you, I am content with eliminating a huge source of anxiety. I never want to be deeply unhappy with myself again like when I was a teenager. Feeling incompetent is debilitating, and driving makes me feel this way. I know practice would help, but the idea of driving is so off-putting, and I need my parents to spend time with me to get through my log book hours. They have busy lives, and I would rather spend time with them while doing something else, to be honest.

Thanks again for your reply 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Nervybella]

Hi again Zeal,

thanks for your reply. Congratulations on hose exciting roles you've got yourself!

it makes me feel good knowing there are other people put there who are coping with not driving. I've been thinking about this a lot since posting this thread and I keep coming back to the thought of "why would I put myself in a position that I know will cause me anxiety if I don't really really need/want to".

However, like your boyfriend, I worry about how my future will pan out. I'm lucky at the moment that my parents are very supportive but one day I hope to get married and have children and I just don't know how it'll go then. (Any mothers out there who don't drive???)

Zeal, the way you wrote your thoughts are exactly what i have been trying to say! So thankyou!

The thoughts and feelings that come along with my anxiety are so damaging, not only to me but to those around me. So at this stage I just can't bring myself to do it

Bella 🙂

[Music_Freak]

I can understand your point of view, but just imagine how you will feel one day when you have your license and have beaten that crippling anxiety...

Visualisation is something I use myself, might be worth a try 🙂

I'd definitely talk to a professional about everything, they may help you see it all in a different light.

[crazycatlady13]

Hi Nervybella,

When I first got my driver's licence at 18, I loved driving and would always offer to take people around! Now that I've got my full licence and more experience, I've become a bit more anxious while driving and I prefer to stick to local roads I know during non-peak hours and pretty much now have a fear of parking because I almost hit a person while looking for a parking spot! Heavy traffic now scares me!

I'm always opting for public transport now when possible because I feel like it isn't as stressful. When I tell people I take public transport in and out of the city, some look at me like I'm from the lower class or something and say things like 'oh I prefer to drive there, it's so much cooler and don't have to deal with smelly strangers'. It really bugs me when they give me that vibe, but hey, at least I am saving the environment!

I would say it is essential to get your driver's licence because you never know when you need it, but it is up to you! I know a mother who doesn't drive and they usually have a friend or relative pick up and drop off her kids to school and social events etc. when the husband isn't around. Other mother's relocate close to a school or where public transport is available so they can safely take their kids to and from school.