Anxious Feelings. Looking for advice

[Ted28]

Hey everyone, I have never reached out before as I have always felt I could handle it on my own. However lately I have been struggling to deal with the anxiousness. Long story short. I am a female in a same sex relationship, around a year ago I was cheated on.

Ever since then, at random times I will get flashbacks of the moment going through my mind and I will get really upset or down. I feel like I can’t control when this happens but it could be at anytime, I start to doubt everything and then think did I make the right choice by trying to keep on with the relationship.

My partner has recently become more busier with work and is staying out really late or spending all weekends. 12-14 hours a day not home, I will be at home trying to keep busy (doing the housework, walking the dog, watching sport) trying to do what I like to keep busy. But with doing all of that, I still lay in bed and feel concerned. I start biting my nails, get a huge headache and the biggest one of all is the stomach cramps and churning of the stomach (grumbling). On a normal day I will be knackered and fall asleep 10:30pm ish, but on nights where I am on my own I am up until all hours of the morning just constantly stressed and mind running. The last time this happened I woke up to a completely different story. I think this is why I’m too stressed to fall asleep on my own.

I’m not sure if this is common or if I am just overthinking it, but I’m starting to realise that it may be worth talking to someone or seeing a GP to sort out a mental health plan. I just don’t want to sound stupid or feel like my situation isn’t worth it.

I appreciate the time and effort you take to read this, and any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Ta,

x

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Ted 🙋‍♀️

Being cheated on is a big deal and there can be far reaching consequences beyond the relationship itself; self esteem, confidence, trust and so on. If you haven't had complete closure on this issue, then doubt and the what-ifs will become more and more invasive as time passes.

You're really brave to reach out as you have so well done. It's hard trying to cope alone when the mind won't allow sleep or calm, so you've come to the right place. We're old hats at that game. I hope I can help in some way to lessen your burden.

Searching for answers isn't as productive as confronting the questions themselves. Something as simple as; "Why am I feeling this way?" says you ARE feeling that way and DO have doubts/fears.

A statement might be more appropriate. "I'm fearful ... will happen again and have doubts about ..." The brain will accept there's no question to answer so it begins to calm. And, you've disclosed a truth you may not have wanted to face which is scary, but an important step.

Writing these sorts of things in a journal can be really helpful. Repeating it back to yourself out loud also uses a different part of the brain. You're probably wondering why I mention the brain so much, well we spend so much time thinking it's our fault; everything! But it's not, it's the way our brains work.

When we experience a lot of stress over long periods, our brains become tired and don't work as well. Seeing your GP for something to help you sleep will rest the brain and provide a clearer mind the next day. Getting a MH Plan and referral to a psychologist will support your need to talk things out with someone who has no vested interest in your life, unlike friends/family.

I'll keep an eye out for your reply Ted. I'm open to chatting and supporting your journey.

Lovely to meet you;

Sez x