When you were growing up, what would happen to you if you didn’t do as you were told, or just totally ignored your parent’s orders? Did your parents punish you severely? I just remember being extremely frightened of disobeying my parents so I always did as I was told and didn’t want make them angry.
So I had a lot of friends that disobeyed their parents, and for the most part nothing really happened or the parents would yell a bit, but then all would be fine.
I was a bit like you in being afraid to disobey my parents - when I was a kid everything had to be done right so that I wouldn't upset anyone, and that included not breaking any rules or questioning any rules.
Thanks for reaching out, we know it can be daunting so we appreciate you being here. Personally, my parents were always firm but fair, and I could always speak up and say something if I felt especially upset. This is an important part of trust and respect, even within a parent/child dynamic, I think. That's not to say I wouldn't do a few things differently from them if I had children of my own- but that's a part of learning and getting to make our own parenting decisions when we grow up.
I hope that gives you a bit of insight or one perspective to consider along with romantic_thi3f's. What was your experience like? Is there something in particular you feel you need to reflect on? We are here to listen if you need it.
Hello SaSM, and in relation to what rt and Tay have said is exactly what happened when my twin and I were growing up, but there were on many an occasion we would slightly diverate away from what we were told to do, and when asked if we had done it, we had our fingers crossed.
All of this is how we begin to learn, which is something we never stop learning.
I also remember being very fearful of disappointing my parents, talking back or breaking the rules. I mainly did what I was told, followed rules and if I disagreed I mainly just kept my views to myself. I don’t think my parents were abusive. They did the best they could and loved us and we were never deprived of anything. My mum did yell a lot and only saw things her way as the right way. Dad used to defend me sometimes when yelling got bad. However, I do feel that it might of affected the way I am now. I lack assertiveness, I’m a people pleaser and don’t want to disappoint anyone even if i am disappointing myself. I have major anxiety When it comes to conflict or discussing important things with people. I also have anxiety for any events or big social gatherings.
Do you feel your childhood experience has impacted on you now as an adult?
I can definitely relate to what you are saying. I am a people pleaser. I have problems speaking up. I am also an overthinker as so many things start popping into my head. I worry about what people are thinking about me. I definitely lack assertiveness.
Thanks for posting- hopefully, some of the dialogue here has helped you-cheers, everyone!
It's great to see that you have self-awareness, and want to improve things for yourself. Would you like to work on assertiveness and confidence? This might help you with your family dynamic and feel happier in general. Let us know what you think. Let us know how we can be of help.
