Anxiety, Work, and Expectations

[Guest_10317]

I have just started a new job this week and was only able to attend 2.5 days before I became too anxious and panicked to attend. The job is slightly similar to what I was doing, but at a higher level and full time instead of part time. My previous job will likely be ceasing (and getting replaced with a completely new and smaller system) in about 6 months, so I felt pressured to get a new job before time ran out. I'm nearly 30 and felt there was an expectation that I should be working full time and so accepted my current position despite not being comfortable with leaving part time. While the people seem nice, it has not been well structured and is lacking support. I was told multiple times that there is no other option but to be thrown into the deep end and I feel overwhelmed. I know I would be capable of doing most of the tasks if I had more organised training and support, but am already so worn out from working nearly double my previous hours.

I haven't been this panicked or anxious since before I first started medication and seeing psychologists about 5 years ago when I was suffering from agoraphobia. I saw my GP today who has given me a week off so I can see my Psychiatrist and find a new Psychologist (my last one's practice closed) to get a mental health care plan started. I fear I am incapable of living a normal life and am so disappointed in myself to see all the progress I have made over the past 5 years vanish in just a few days. I feel like I could grow to like the work I'm doing now, if only in a better environment, but feel trapped by my decision and that I shouldn't give up so soon. It has already taken such a mental and physical toll on me just to get through those 2.5 days.

[Laila]

Hey, first of all, congrats on getting a new job in this market! That means you are absolutely capable of the jobs in many people's eyes.

I'm very sorry that you feel anxious about the work, it could be overwhelming to start a new job sometimes, in a new environment, and with new people.

But I can't help but notice that your thoughts are catastrophizing the reality and could be far from the truth.

"I fear I am incapable of living a normal life and am so disappointed in myself to see all the progress I have made over the past 5 years vanish in just a few days" -> Not true, you are seeking help, that means you have high awareness and is actively solving the issues that you are facing. You would be okay, and this would not be the end.

I think it's great that you will be seeing a psychologist soon. You are a normal person who's able to hold a normal life, you just need a bit help as we all human do! 

Sending lots of love xx