Anxiety - scared of society/how to function?/how does one 'work'?/communicate? history of psychosis

Simona · ‎30-08-2015

I will start by saying that I am 42 with 3 children and a defacto of 13 years. I will also say that I have been very fortunate to date that I had not 'had' to work so therefore have been doing the housewife role and am alone through the day in the silence (i don't like noise except bird noise) except when I have to go collect mail or do Safeway. This is okay. The Jehovas visit sometimes and give me more stuff to read (I'm not into religion myself but I feel sorry for them. What brings me here is that I am getting kind of bored. I feel I should do something like paid work but people are scary. Mostly adults because children are fine and much more fun to be around plus they say it how it is.

But how does one start? Between the ages of 17 to 25 I was sick with schizophrenia so i have no proper work history. I was mostly supported by my parents and boyfriends . When i did work it was in the adult sector and i was told that that doesn't count as work experience so there are huge gaps in my old resume. Should i just make up stuff and fill it in like colouring book? I don't know what to do. In one way i feel ready to join society but in another way....

Partner just wants me to be happy. I think perhaps if i am functioning normally/counting out the right change and not hurting myself or anyone maybe it's ok - i will be ok to work in normal job but i do admit when i get angry i can loose control easily like with the Iphone tracking device. I drove over it and then i felt really smug because i killed it. Now for me; this is normal ok. As is talking to bees which my mother argues is not the same as talking to the family dog or seeing faces on the bathroom wall while i shower. Lastly i want to say i don't take pills unless I'm in agony because i don't trust pharma for myself. For family members it's different. Also after having been put on stuff earlier it killed all my creative verve. It was like being emotionally castrated.

Simona · ‎03-09-2015

Ha.

Not what I meant - sorry I didn't elaborate on my post I just didn't have time. I'm not trying to lose weight - what I don't understand is why my metabolism seemingly goes into overdrive in cycles & weight just falls off me. I just wonder if it is linked to being high strung in the head because I haven't amped up my physically activities or changed food intake.

loveisblue · ‎04-09-2015

Hi Simona,

Perhaps you can try volunteering as well, if you are not in urgent need of a paid job. Volunteering gives you a good way to spend your time and meet potential employers. It is also something nice to add to your CV. I'm sure there are many places that would appreciate your skills and life experience.

Best wishes

Simona · ‎04-09-2015

Morning loveisblue 🙂

Aha. I did get asked at this op shop i frequent. I think they like me because i say it how it is and i tell them things and it's nice when i hear the words "Fantastic" and "Amazing" and i get to watch their facial expressions change. This may seem so ordinary to some but for me - it's such an indescribable pleasure because it's happening in real time/real life. Oh but likewise I'm a great listener 🙂

The word CV is painful and prickly. I hope to get around having to use it because i would so much rather just be given a job at face value without all the history blah because all that ink > it's not 'me'. It's not who i am.

In all honesty i feel quite fortunate and i just KNOW i am someone's perfect candidate but i just have to find them. Partner whispers 'i love you honey' as i fall asleep and understands my issues or says in a firm grouchy voice 'hold it together'. He is lucky also because up until i came to him - he lived with his pet rats in a messy unit that smelt very bad and had no-one to love him. I just want to add that his 2 rats were very sick and they ended up dying so that was pretty sad.

Thank-you for best wishes:)

turtles · ‎08-09-2015

Hi, I'm new here.

I suffer from depression and bipolar and since a mental breakdown early this year I have found that my anxiety has gotten so much worse that I'm literally afraid of human contact I can only go out in public if I'm with someone I know and trust and they never leave me alone otherwise I panic, start picking at my flesh and have problems breathing

Simona · ‎09-09-2015

Hello kindred soul 🙂 you say you are depressed and bipolar - i don't know what is really wrong with me but it must be bad. not feeling chipper today and since finishing tidying house have been studying Donnie Darko on Youtube. Time travel stuff. Extremely interesting

last night...i was awful mad at partner and just turned on him after lights out and screamed right at his face nose to nose. Like really screamed and he jumped out of bed pretty quick like fell out nearly. Thing is, i don't like him yelling and gave him a taste of his own medicine. He is big and tall and should not yell at anyone because his size makes him intimidating enough but i don't scare easily. I just bide my time and wait until it's quiet and dark and go for maximum impact. I love him but sometimes....it's not easy to share a bed. Still i kind of feel sorry about it now.

Ok. The human contact issue - i wear sunglasses but for a special few i remove them. 1.people at op shop and 2. the people at toy shop. Also if someone is lamenting to me i take it off to show them my eyes. That i am sympathetic to their upset. People at Target can be tricky however. They have people at doorway holding advertising material and they always ask if i would like a basket. I find that very irritating since there are plentiful baskets if i should care for one - but i still smile because like my ex husband said "It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from - manners will get you far".

I wish i could offer advice Turtles. Best not to pick at your own body though. Maybe wear long sleeved tops. I do. I have nasty scar on 1 arm i prefer to hide so i wear long sleeves even in summer. Plus i like to grasp my car keys like some sort of security thing. Just makes me feel better 🙂

Maybe find something to grasp/hold or play with? Just to distract you a little. May help with the breathing issue too.

Cheerios for now 🙂