Anxiety over casual work/living situation

[Laura__]

Basically my situation is that I am a casual teacher, I graduated end of last year. I got married this year, but the timing wasn't great as my partner dropped from full-time work to part time in order to complete a degree. This meant that rather than our original plan to move out, we had to stay living at my parents (and will likely have to for the next couple of years). The issue isn't living here because we have a big house with our own space (and privacy) the issue is that I so desperately want our own home and to start a family. And for the past couple of years it's all I can focus on, it's exhausting. My partner has gone for many jobs/scholarships this year as he hates where he currently works and gets paid next to nothing. Everytime he comes so close but just misses out. He had an amazing job opportunity come up this week, and it seemed as though he had it in the bag. But circumstances changed and it doesn't look like it's going to happen. The problem is I got my hopes up too high, I started looking at houses for sale and furniture and got way ahead of myself. I haven't been taking casual teaching days because I'm so tired (I've been having restless leg syndrome at night) and my mind is so preoccupied, and all I've been doing is sitting at home and dwelling on the life I want but can't have. I feel as though I can't face work in this anxious state, and I just want to be by myself. I feel trapped in our situation, it's an incredible amount of pressure on me to support us on my casual wage. I have a problem with sitting on social media and comparing myself to everyone else, and envying them because they are achieving things I'm not and living 'normal' adult lives. I'm not a patient person and people always say "you have it so good at your parents" "your still young" etc. But I catastrophize and feel like we will never get out of this situation we are in. My Mum also adds to my anxiety as she is a very anxious person herself and makes comments like "did you get any phone calls for work today?" or "I hope you don't plan on living here until your 40" in a very negative tone, I feel guilty, pressured and embarrassed by this. I'm always going round and round in my head thinking of strategies to get out of our situation "can I get a full-time job in a different industry?" "should my husband defer uni?" etc. but it always comes back to the fact that we can't change anything until he graduates. I don't want to live with this anxiousness and misery anymore.

[pipsy]

Hi Laura_ Living within close proximity to in-laws, whether they be your parents or his would magnify any problems you are experiencing. With instagram, while the portrayal is the result we see, the beginning would often be similar to your or anyone's who is struggling. I would also suggest googling narcissism in re: to your mother. My mother was a similar person to yours in that when I was jobless early in my teens, I was expected to 'grab' anything, to please her. Everytime I asked her (as nicely as possible ) to 'butt out', I was met with the same 'I'm only trying to help', or "Oh, everyone knows, I'm just a mother, what do I know'. It's an extremely martyrish comment to make as it usually gets the desired result of 'what a wonderful mother she is, she's allowed them to stay with her for as long as it takes'. What people don't hear is the constant barbs she makes to you. Have you considered renting a c'van to give you the privacy you need. I realize it's not the be all, -end all, but it might solve some of the stress in your life. You could set up a laptop, you could have your phones. Furniture could be saved for, as could a home etc. It's something you could discuss with you hubby and it wouldn't have to be for that long.

Lynda

[Laura__]

Hi Beyondbe, sorry for the delay in reply after posting this I went overseas for a while, was working my school holiday job and completely forgot I posted this! My anxiety has reared it's ugly head again though, so thought I'd jump back in. In regards to religion, I think it's great when people find faith and are involved in a church community. It seems to bring a lot of purpose and happiness into their lives. I attended both anglican and catholic high schools however I'm not religious in any way, I would consider myself to be an atheist and more interested in philosophical theories of life and our purpose here on earth. I hope this doesn't offend you!

To be honest if you have a permanent job I wouldn't give that up for casual teaching. It is quite a stressful lifestyle even if you are successful in getting work everyday (like myself). There is no sense of belonging (your not a part of a team and do not work at the same school everyday), everything is unfamiliar- routines, procedures, names, unfamiliar faces, not knowing students, your away around a school etc. You need a lot of resilience- your treated as an outsider and staff tend to not make any effort to know you. You need to be flexible- you may wake up most mornings not knowing whether you will be working that day, or thinking your on a stage 1 class and being told you've actually been moved to stage 3 for the morning, just as an example. It's not as motivating as having your own class, a lot of casuals become lazy and I can understand why- you have no connection to those students your teaching for the day, you will never see them again and nothing you do in that classroom for the day amounts to anything. It sometimes feels like glorified babysitting to be honest. My intention is not to scare you out of teaching, but I cringe when people tell me they are starting a teaching degree, just thinking about the ordeal I've gone through. In saying that every single persons teaching experience is different, I have friends who landed their own class straight off the bat and are extremely happy and fulfilled in what they do.

In saying this I have had plenty of positive teaching experiences, some beautiful students and the pay is great. I can't tell you what it will be like for you personally because everyones journey is different (I know this advice doesn't help) but it's so true!

As for your transport fear, I wouldn't let that hold you back rarely will you go on excursions and you will know in advance