Anxiety impacting others?

[jemma09]

Hi all, hope you are well 🙂

Does anyone else find that their anxiety can impact other people?

It makes me feel incredibly upset when this happens. It makes me feel like I don't want to exist anymore because I am bringing others' pain. It has just been a low time for me at the moment.

I met someone new recently and I really like them. I am very anxious around romance and I overthink a lot. I lock myself behind a wall and refuse kindness sometimes. I know I enjoy the romance between me and this person, because I miss it when it is not there. But I have now made this person feel worried because they're afraid of making me feel anxious. And I have made them feel bad with my overthinking.

I have always had troubles with interaction. I worry about what other people think of me. So, I tell myself that I should be alone, that maybe I don't deserve to find happiness with another person because of the amount I would put them through. It just does not seem fair. Then I feel like I should lock myself away and stop interacting with people all together, it is very lonely. I do not want to do that. I want to keep talking to this person. I am not going to stop, because that would hurt more.

I have someone I trust to talk to. They help me see situations clearer and help me find out what I am actually feeling. I realised I felt so sad about how I have impacted this person because I started crying. I said sorry again to this person I am interested in. They are very patient and understanding. This person tells me to take my time, which I really appreciate. But I just feel like I don't deserve it. I make simple things unnecessarily hard.

I keep thinking to myself: I hate this, I hate my anxiety. I do not want to be this person. I want to be carefree and have fun. I am a young person who should be able to enjoy life and meet new people. But I feel so held back by anxiety and my past experiences. I start hating myself. I want to just stop feeling. I want it all to stop.

I don't want to go to therapy again. I just don't know what to do. I feel hopeless. I don't really see any solution because I know I will be like this for the rest of my life. Anxiety has always been here, since I was a little kid. I have never had one break and I am honestly so sick of it. Someone told me to try and be kind to myself, but I don't even want to do that. I feel like I deserve to feel bad. I don't know if any of this makes sense.

I want to thank whoever reads this. Take care & stay safe.

[Sophie_M]

Hey jemma09,

Thank you so much for reaching out here to the community. We understand that it takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you've taken such an important step here tonight. We can hear how upset and worried you must be feeling right now, but please know that you've come to a safe space, free fo judgement, and our community is here to help you through this difficult time. It sounds like you feel really connected to this new and important person in your life, but very concerned about how your anxiety may be affecting them. Please know that you deserve to be happy, and deserve someone in your life who is patient and understanding- as you also share the same kindness for their wellbeing.

We understand that you may not feel open to therapy right now, but please know that support is always here for you if you'd like to talk these feelings through. The kind counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service are available to you 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat 1pm-12am AEST at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Our friends at Lifeline are also here for you anytime on 13 11 14, whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with. We'd urge you to reach out during times like these, as you never have to keep these feelings bottled up inside.

You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.
 

[jemma09]

Hi Sophie_M,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel a bit better just writing down how I am feeling and getting it out of my head.

"as you also share the same kindness for their wellbeing." - this means a lot to me. Thank you for saying that.

I do feel very connected to this person. Which is why I think I am so upset. I might think more about making a doctor's appointment. I was there in March and mentioned I felt low then too (that feeling comes and goes) and my doctor was really supportive. She said just say the word and she will organise some help for me. She seemed really accepting of mental health issues. It is just so hard to make that first step and admit I need help again - this is why I am pushing it away a lot. I thought I was done with therapy. But there are still things from my past bothering me and that I have not had a chance to talk about.

Hope you enjoy the weekend!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi jemma

I just want to say that I experience exactly what you're describing. I could have written the exact thing you've written. It can be terribly difficult to navigate - for both of you. It sounds like your partner really wants to be supportive, and you want to try your best, so you guys have everything going for you. It is hard to ask for help, but good on you for recognising that it might be just what you need, and for considering it.

"one day at a time" - love it 🙂

Katy

[jemma09]

Hi Katy 🙂

Thank you for your reply and sharing your experiences with this too. It helps me feel less alone. I hope so, we are not 'together' yet. Just seeing each other. But I don't want to scare them off or cause any unnecessary pain.

I appreciate that. I have booked a doctor's appointment for Friday, coming here and being supported has helped pushed me to do that. I'll try therapy again. It will be hard. But I think I need it for a number of issues I have not had a chance to talk about yet. I want to be better generally and treat others well.

Hehe, "one day at a time," I really need to follow my own profile pic's advice!

Take care!