Who, what, when, where and why?

[Gem0]

Hi,

 Wow my first time posting, somehow I was lead here and let's see if this is the place for me.

I'm a 25yr old female from Sydney. Over the past few years somehow my life has spiralled into a mess. Don't get me wrong after loosing a young cousin to a horrible disease I know I should be very grateful for my life and how healthy I am. Yet I cant shake the feeing of being so alone and not being enough.  

I've lost myself trying to conform to be what my family and society find acceptable. And now that I'm so lost, I don't know who to turn to and what exactly to say. I'm so good at smiling and caring for others, yet deep down I'm slowly dying. 

I'm not sure what I want out of this post, maybe it's so see if anyone feels the same? Or if you have suggestions as to how to over come this? 

I want to run away from it all. I would never commit suicide as I know it would crush my family, sometimes I do feel that low. 

I look forward to hearing from you. 

[Kazzl]

Hello Gem, welcome aboard! Sorry you're feeling so lost. If I may say so, you sound like a lovely bright young spark to me. I'd love to hear more about you.

How have you been trying to conform, and in what way has life become a mess? If there weren't expectations on you, society's or family, how would you like to be? What are your passions? 

Sorry, that's a lot of questions, but I'm interested in you and would like to talk. I'm a lot older than you, but I know what it's like to live for others and to be doing something you don't want to do because you think it's expected or, in my case, because I had to earn a living to support my young family. Didn't really feel I had a choice.

Not sure if you might relate to this, but I have a daughter who's a very arty creative person, quite alternative in her views and interests. She struggled a lot at school because she was 'different' and didn't fit in (she was listening to Triple J when everyone else was into the Spice Girls, wore Goth-style black when everyone else was wearing the latest fashions). I know it's hard when your dreams and interests are different from what you think is expected of you.

I used to tell her you are you, you are your own special person and like anyone else, you have a place in this world. And so do you Gem. Maybe you've not found it yet, but it's there. 

Be brave Gem, pursue what you want to be. It's hard, and there will be setbacks. But you can do it. You must do it. You are meant to be you! Try not to worry about what others might think or expect. To put it bluntly, that's their problem, don't let it be yours.

Come back and talk mate. What would make you feel not lost? What do you dream of.

Personally, I think your name says it all - you are a gem! 

Kaz

[Reaperbird]

Hey Gem.

I wanted to share a story with you.
My little sister has a rare autoimmune disease called CIDP and has to go to hospital for a blood transfusion every 2 weeks. Without the treatment, her immune system attacks her own body, paralyzing her legs first, then her arms/torso, and lastly, her vital organs. So without treatment, she wouldn't be here.
Back in 2012, my sister was really bad. She couldn't move anything from the neck down, she could barely speak, and the doctors were telling me and my mum that she might not make it.
I was feeling very stressed, and turned to her asking if she needed anything, and then quickly apologized for stressing out, because how she was feeling must have have been way worse compared to how I was feeling. I felt I didn't deserve to feel sorry for myself when my sister was nearly dying in front of me.
But you know what she said? She told me that it was okay, that everyone deserves to feel good, no matter what is wrong. That some of the other kids were sicker then her, but everyone's life was worth the same and so she just hoped everyone could be better. Even me. And then she smiled, trying to reassure me, despite everything going on with her. Even as sick as she was, she still wanted me to be okay.

Thankfully, she survived, they found a treatment plan that worked. And today she's walking again, and is like almost any other kid. Still goes to hospital every 2 weeks, but she's doing well considering.

But I never forgot what she said. And I think maybe you needed to hear that too. Your cousin must have went through quite a lot, and I'm really sorry for your loss. But don't think that because that happened to them, that you don't deserve to feel what you do. You're allowed to need help and support, and it doesn't have to be as bad as someone else's pain for you to deserve it. Everyone deserves to be happy, to be cared for, to get support. You don't have to feel bad about not coping. You're allowed to feel the way you do, and you're allowed to ask for help.