Where do I go from here?

[At_a_loss1]

Last week I ended up in hospital. I thought I was having a heart attack! Turned out to be an anxiety attack. I've never had one before. Life has been so stressful lately and I've tried talking to my husband about it but he just talks over me so I gave up. I was 150kms from home (we live in the middle of nowhere and this is our closest large town). My husband was at work (100kms away). My friend was picking my kids up from school. I called my husband at work to let him know what was happening and got a response of...I won't be home until I finish work. He had no car. My friends husband drove 150kms to drop my friend at the hospital so I wasnt alone. Than he drove 100kms back to where my husband was at work to pick him up and bring him to the hospital. He called the whole time but hubby didn't answer until 6.30pm. I called my husband at 3pm. He had his phone the whole time. Friends hubby drove another 100kms back to the hospital & than home, another 150kms.

I can't get passed the fact that my husband didn't even try to get to me. Not at all. My friends husband drove for nearly 6 hrs to make sure I was ok and my husband couldn't even ask to borrow one of his friends cars.

I have been struggling with this marriage for the last 5yrs (we've been together 15) I always forgive when he's inconsiderate even though it hurts me deeply everytime. I just want to be happy. He apologises but things always go back to the same thing.

How do I forgive this time?

[Zeal]

Hi At a loss,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear about the distress you've been experiencing. Living in a remote area complicates things, so I'm glad your friend and her husband were so supportive. These two people are caring and loyal, and you deserve this in your life. Your husband's lack of emotion and compassion is a concern, as you've indicated. You are clearly a very forgiving person, but it sounds as though he has let you down so many times that you are reaching a point where forgiveness is really difficult. Though you've probably tried this a few times (if not numerous times) before, it's important to have a constructive talk with your husband when you're both not too busy or stressed. Explain to him that you'd love for each other to be more supportive and close, and that this was important when you were in hospital. You could say that you know he's busy, but that you want to know that you're emotionally supported, and that you will do the same for him (I bet you already do). This webpage has tips on talking about mental illness with loved ones: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it#findwords

It's crucial that you see a doctor and/or a mental health professional about your mental health challenges. Because of the isolation of where you live, this could be a bit trickier. This Beyondblue search tool is a great way to find health professionals in Australia: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional
Hopefully seeing someone in-person is possible. If not, some professionals conduct sessions via Skype.

These free info packages are recommended by mental health nurses. These two are applicable to your mental health situation:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=44 (panic/anxiety attacks)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46 (generalised anxiety)

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal