What do i do?

[MsCroft]

I have had the worst weekend, I wouldn't say of my life but it was pretty damn close. Not only am I at risk of getting my enrolment cancelled because I can't seem to work up the courage to face anyone in my classes, I feel crazy, but I also lost all of my friend, due to false perceptions and lies. I spent todays school day, sitting in the library, I barely spoke or looked at anyone.

So what happen?

Well I board at a campus, so basically we go to school and board there because we don't live anywhere near a school. And my step sister also boards, she was like my best friend. I told her everything. One night someone walked up to me and asked me why she was talking about me confused I asked them what they meant and they said she called me ugly, and no matter how much make up I put on, Im going to be ugly forever, But I am so self conscious about my face, so I pack the make up on like its running out of fashion, and she knows that. Angry I marched my way over to her and asked her why she would say that, and then yelled and slammed a door. As I walked back into my room, I also slammed my door and sat there in the darkness. And apparently in that time that I was sitting in my room, I had managed to threaten four people, including my so called sister, she had told everyone that I was crazy and on medications. Now no one is talking to me, and I feel worse than I've ever felt in my life. I have no idea what to do? I'm stressing about school, but also everyone is bagging me, and making fun of me, and judging me...... It makes it so hard to focus in class, I'm failing as far as I know, At this point I have no one who believes in me, So I wouldn't be surprised if I fail year 12 and go no where in life. I don't understand what am I supposed to do. I wish I was smart enough to think for myself, I have no one, no one to tell me I've done good, and I perpetually wait by the phone just in case someone is ringing to say I've made them proud, But no one ever does, because I simply disappoint everyone. I feel as if I only ever exist when I'm wanted but people like me are hardly ever wanted, we just wither, we are so lonely, that solitude becomes our friend..... I don't mind being alone, I really don't, It's just the thought of having someone talking about me that's so hard to take in. I don't understand, I thought I was getting better, but I'm surely getting worse.... What do I do? I don't even feel the need to do make up anymore, my looks don't phase me.... I'm so lost

[Starwolf]

Hi there MsCroft,

Sorry to read you find yourself in this painful head space. Feeling betrayed by someone you trusted + having others ganging up on you is no good place to be. You say you're in year 12...quite a few teenagers are self-centered and insensitive. Their peer group mentality compels them to follow each other blindly just to feel they belong. Being targeted by such groups makes you feel unjustly rejected and worthless. Unfortunately, much of this peer pressure comes with the territory of high school dynamics.

First of all, I am proud of you. You have made the courageous decision to speak up. These forums are a safe place. Here you will not be judged, misunderstood or ostracized. You will find support and comfort as and when you need them.

You are articulate, smart and sensitive. I believe that you can complete Year 12 successfully as long as you do not let this silly bitchiness get the better of you. There is no need to let your tormentors win. They don't deserve your attention. Bullying thrives on enjoying the way it affects its victims. The thing is, bullies have a lot more  real issues than their targets. Their insecurity issues are causing their behaviour....not you.

Is this you on your profile photo ? I suspect it is ...why are you concerned about your looks ? Many women out there would envy you ! Besides, true beauty comes from inside. Appearances are just that. They're often deceptive, scratch the surface and what is revealed underneath is often far from attractive.

You're beautiful in and out. There are people outside this silly bunch who will appreciate you for who and what you are. Have you thought of joining some social activity outside the school ? Is  your family with you in this ? Distancing yourself from the bullies will be their loss, not yours. Is there a school councilor you could talk to ? They're used to handling this type of situation with discretion. If you feel uncomfortable with face to face communication, these forums are good place to start.

Feeling supported is important for you at the moment. It will help you focus on the really important thing...your studies. Please don't let these girls' youthful silliness ruin your chances. You deserve way better than that.

Your contribution here is much appreciated. So thank you. Please let us know how you go.

A cyber hug to you if you will allow it.

[Narniakid]

Hey MsCroft, thanks for reaching out to us.

As someone who finished year 12 two years ago, I can assure you that what Starwolf has said in regards to most teenagers being self-centred and insensitive is pretty spot on - whether or not it has something to do with the HSC, exams or the stress of being around the same people almost 24/7, school is extremely difficult and often little remarks can be blown up into arguments.

Once you finish school, you'll find as you all go your seperate ways, most of you will mature and suddenly petty arguments like who-called-who ugly won't matter anymore, they may not even occur. I know it's easier said than done, but try to not let the nasty rumours phase you - teenagers sometimes cause drama simply out of boredom. Don't take it to heart because anyone worth having in your life is either outside of your school life, or will soon realise they've said something they shouldn't have. You just keep being you, focus on your schoolwork, and remember that you're a wonderful person just the way you are.

Crystal