Well...I guess it's official

[azarrah]

So, depression, anxiety, and I, are pretty officially married into an unhappy love triangle, worthy of any good teen romance. Some of you may have seen my thread a month or two ago, where I talked about physical symptoms I was experiencing and gave a little backstory. The update on that is that I finally plucked up the courage (and motivation) to go visit a GP. We talked for a bit, she gave me a questionnaire, which I thought was a weird method, but just glancing down the sheet I could tell the result wasn't going to be good. It was honestly amazing to see everything I was experiencing listed there in one place.

Part of me still doesn't believe it. Throughout school, I was the person who laughed at PDHPE lessons about mental health. I'll never have those problems, I thought, wilfully ignoring my family history of depression. I'm way too mentally strong and capable. I know that mindset is dumb, but I still clung to it, because all throughout my life I've been the strong, sharp, brutally honest person who says it like it is. I remember a friend telling me "I feel like all the rest of us are struggling, and you're just fine. How do you do it?" Oh well, I guess karma had a role in all this...I was still too stubborn to accept a referral to a psychologist, but I feel like I've taken the first steps, at least.

The poor GP had to explain several times that yes, depression/anxiety can cause xyz effects all by themselves, and that yes, it can come on suddenly for no apparent reason. My symptoms have been 80% physical, which is why nobody diagnosed it before. Whether that's because I didn't know what I was feeling, or whether I just blocked out my emotions entirely, I only experienced the physical side and it was rather horrible. Now I feel somewhat calmer. Still disappointed, because it's 'official', and I can't hide from it anymore...but at the same time, relieved because now I know what's wrong, I can work out how to face it.

Thanks for sticking with this post. I needed to pour out today's experiences somewhere before I went to bed, and perhaps someone else reading this can relate.

What were your thoughts when you were diagnosed?

[Sncklefritz]

Hi Azarrah,

Good job on finally finding the confidence to go see the GP, even if you didn't take the referral it was a great step to getting on top of everything. However, if you feel that you are progressively feeling worse, you should seek the help of a psychologist/psychiatrist and any services beyondblue can help you with as there is help out there.

When I was diagnosed, I did worry about it but at the same time I was relieved, relieved that there was a reason for how I was feeling and that once you know what you have, then you can look at the treatments for it and things can look more positive.
From my own personal experience, routine exercise, decent 8 hours sleep and eating better has been the most help for me, I may not be the most buff person out there but it has benefited me more than anything else I have tried. This may or may not work for you as everyone is different but I suggest, if you feel that it may be a worthwhile option for you or if medication is not an option, to give routine exercise a go, nothing intense is needed just 20 mins or so every other day or few days and see how that works for you after a few weeks. It took me time to get used to it but it has been great.

Good luck with your future management of this illness and remember to speak to someone if you need to, professionally, friend or family member or someone here.

Best wishes!

- Hayden/Sncklefritz

[azarrah]

Thanks Hayden. It's not that I don't want to accept help at all - I just need a little more time to come around to the idea. I can't really talk to my family or friends about this (I mean, I could, but I really don't want to), so I think I will be won over in the end. Even though the GP isn't a psychologist, I found it somewhat calming to have her listen to what I was saying, even though it sounded kind of silly to me. I'm sure a referral can happen in good time.

I do need to do more exercise. Although I do half an hour to an hour's brisk walking every day, it's not enough to really increase my heart rate. I also do gymnastics twice a week. I also want to try beginner ballet at a nearby student-oriented studio. I've always wanted to have a bash, but I was too embarrassed to try it. Now I'm steeling myself to bite the bullet and give it a go on the weekend!

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Azarrah,

Firstly, you write really well! I enjoyed reading your post, you're quite witty. It's really great you went to the GP, and yes, I remember filling out that quiz too and feeling like it was representing everything I felt. There are a few things I want to say. Firstly, depression is so completely normal and so many people will have it in their lifetime (actually 40%), so the chance of you having symptoms especially with your family history at play was almost if not more than 50%. It can happen to literally anyone at any point in their life, it is so multi-faceted and can hit you at any moment, and that's even the mentally strong and capable of us. And even if you do suffer from depression or anxiety it doesn't mean you aren't capable, you are perhaps even more capable because you can survive something as difficult as this.

I think it's really great to get a diagnosis as now you can go forward with the treatment you needed. As I mentioned earlier, please don't be disappointed in yourself. Usually these feelings are out of our hands and especially physical symptoms of depression and anxiety (I suffer from them too) are very difficult to control. It is not your fault and you are not less of a person. When I was first diagnosed I felt relief, and then I was able to get the therapy/medication that I so desperately needed. Things are so much better now. You are on the right track!

Would love to hear from you. J.

[azarrah]

Thanks Jessicatherese. I'm glad you enjoyed my post, I smiled when I read your message :). I can be too tongue-in-cheek for my own good sometimes but I think a little humour never goes astray in situations like these!

Thanks for those statistics. I had no idea 40% of people experience depression at some point. How sad, that it's so high. I wonder if the rate has increased, or if it's just always been that common?

I know I shouldn't be disappointed in myself because you're totally right, it's not my fault, but it's not as easy as just flipping an "off" switch. I really dislike the thought that I can't control my own thoughts. Actually, although I'd wanted to go the GP for a while, once I was there I didn't even mention mental health concerns...fortunately I had the foresight to choose a GP with experience in the field who walked me straight to those conclusions anyway. Upon reflection, she was very skillful, especially for being a name I picked mostly at random off a website.

Sidenote: If you're a student for whom private practices aren't an option, I'd absolutely advise you to find a private practice that will bulk-bill for students. It is 100% worth the time spent Google sleuthing. They're often located near uni campus accommodation, so start your search there. You get ten times more attention and care than if you just went to the campus practice!