Venting/Oversharing with friends

[b121]

Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting but I have experienced GAD for quite a long time.

Lately I have managed to become more assertive, especially in regard to talking about my feelings. But I worry that I have done this too much. I constantly over-analyse everything I've said in social situations, feeling like I've made them all about me. When I talk to my closest friends about my anxiety and concerns, I feel like I am a burden and am whining all the time. I've been through a bit of a tricky time lately with one thing on top of another, and I feel like I've been chronically whining. Unfortunately, I met my current friends during a rough patch so feel that our entire friendship has been full of my issues.

No one has ever told me that this is the case, but I feel like I'm behaving like a very negative, self-centred and complaint filled person.

I feel like I should talk less about myself, but I don't want to revert to my old passive ways when I've come so far. I may be overthinking it again as no one has brought it to my attention, but it seems there is no way to be sure. My worst fear is to be a bad friend and self absorbed. I'm becoming increasingly hyper-aware of this.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any useful strategies to help? Thank you!

[Jacko777]

Hi b121,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, good on you for posting this.

I suffered from a mild social phobia for a while, I was anxious and didn't enjoy social events at all, I managed to avoid most of them.

A couple of things helped me, firstly I stopped worrying about what other people are thinking about me. I believe that I have no idea what other people are thinking, I could lose energy and calmness by constantly analysing what their thoughts might be when all they are thinking is to buy milk on the way home. I choose not to waste my energy, takes practice.

The other action I practiced takes imagination. In a social situation I take a step back in my mind, I look on at the energy flow between everyone including myself, I become aware of which way the energy is flowing. I cannot control the energy flow of other people, but I can control whether I am drawing or giving energy. I choose to give energy...love...to others, if I draw energy I ask myself, why?? Which part of me needs to draw energy and how can I heal it?? This probably all sounds silly but I thought I should share it cause it works for me.

You know you are always welcome to talk here about anything, as much as you want, many people will have support and advice.

Jacko

[b121]

Thank you for your reply! I don't think that sounds silly at all, it makes a great deal of sense.
As usual, I'm over-thinking it 🙂

I can see how trying to stop worrying what others think would take practice! I'm right at the end of my teen years now so hopefully a little of that will come with age and experience.

[Jacko777]

Thanks for your reply b121.

It's worth the practice, you want to conserve your energy wherever possible. You could try (for a night) not talking about yourself, just keep firing questions at your friends, really find out what they have been up to, see if they ask about you.

As I said, you can always come and talk to us about your feelings anytime if you think you are talking too much with your friends.

Jacko

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

Err, I think social situations involve give and take.  That means taking notice of the person you're talking to.  Otherwise you're just talking AT them, in which case why the hell do you even need to talk to a person anyway? - you might as well just talk to yourself in your bedroom.  So, you'll naturally learn how to tell when your conversation partner is becoming bored or annoyed, by focusing on THEM, rather than listening to messages like "Am I boring them?" which are coming from YOU.

[rayofsunshine123]

Hey,

Oh no! I thought I was the only one. I used to tell people literally everything, but that's ok, but only if they are your friends and you can trust them. Also they are still you friends aren't they? They wouldn't stick by you if they  were sick of your 'whining'. But try to see positives in every situation, and just remember a problem shared is a problem halved. Message me if u have any questions:)