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[lilhumanbean]

Hi there. I just wanted some advice on what I can do to improve/fix where I am now...

Currently, I'm in my final year of high school and it's been rough. I feel like as each term goes by it gets worse and worse. I feel like I don't have any close friends - I don't even feel like I connect with the friends I have any more; I'm always very insecure around them, in that I feel like I have to act a certain way to feel accepted, don't get me wrong they're all very nice and lovely people, it's just that I don't feel a 'part' of it. I also feel like when I'm talking to people, I'm always forgetting what to say during the conversation, as well as NOT knowing what to say or how to respond to what they've said. When I talk, I've noticed that I stuff up my words a lot. Not only that, I'm also having a lot of trouble with writing for assessment tasks. I sit there 99% of the time, staring at my laptop, stuck on writing an essay. Every time I write something (same goes for exams), I just feel like it doesn't make sense in my head - it's like I'm disorientated and I can't seem to focus on what I'm doing? In terms of how I'm performing, I'm doing good, but I just can't seem to have a 'clear' mind when writing. I've got my trials in a week and a few days and I am no way ready (and that's not even for the lack of trying).

I also get easily agitated by people around me at school - by the things they say or the way they act. I also find that I'm overthinking things a lot, like if someone made a small comment about something involving me, it'd just stay on my mind for a really long time, and no matter how hard I try to get rid of that comment, it just stays in my head.

I would really appreciate any advice that anyone can offer, and thank you for taking the time to read this 🙂

[startingnew]

hello and welcome

im sorry you havent had a response yet. im sorry you are going through all of this. School can be so tough! i was just talking on another thread about how after school you usually dont keep your high school friends but when you go to uni and/or start work you meet new people and freinds.

I think having some professional supports in palce to help with your struggles would be beneficial. do you think you could talk to your schoool counsellor or your gp about getting some supports for what your going through? We have K-10 QUIZ on BB that you could try out as well and print your results to take with you.

I can relate to the lack of ability to connect with others, no concentration, friendship struggles, being nervous and/or aggitated around people and also over thinking and constant worries. It can be so hard to deal with so i really do reccomend some professional supports.

Please talk here anytime. We also have a friends cafe for under 25s in the social zone, your most welcome to join in there and meet some other people too.

[Squirrellesque]

Hey 🙂 Which would you prefer I call you – lil? bean? something else? 🙂

But coming around to what you said, all of it sounds so familiar. I went through a lot of the same things while going though school, so I'm hoping some of the things I learned may help? But first, you said you struggle with assessments, including exams. I was different, exams weren't too much of a struggle for me. But I hope these strategies might help? Or give you ideas for something that might?

1) Having an army of yes-men: When it comes to anxiety surrounding assessment tasks, often there is a fear of doing it wrong. Yes-men can put confidence in your ideas. Study buddies are best, but then, when you have no friends, they're hard to find. I did eventually find one, and only one, but that helped immensely. We'd voice chat on skype while writing English assignments, and that was possibly the most helpful thing ever. I don't know if that would be possible for you, with your friend situation? Also, get teacher feedback! Get teacher feedback! 🙂 (Mum's said that to me soooo many times now)

2) When you talk, allow yourself to slow/pause to collect your thoughts. It's okay to completely lose what you were saying, so don't be afraid to admit it. Also practice explaining things (the harder to explain the better) – I used stories, others have used journals. It's just practice using the language, and stretching your abilities. Singing and presenting speeches are good too, even if it's silent and to a mirror.

3) Organise your thoughts. Create structures and thinking patterns, like mental (and concrete) mind maps and flow charts. This works more well with exams than assignments, but helps both. The basic idea is to have a stepwise progression for writing something, or thinking from point a to point b. For example, a three-body-paragraph-essay can be summed up in four sentences – the thesis, and the three topic sentences, which all concepts you discuss must be related to. Also, breaking things into small steps, and then tackling one step at a time can help a lot. Start with a mind map. turn it into dot points, then each dot point to a sentence, then into paragraphs and… wait, it's already complete! Now just to edit! Also highlight your focus and purpose for what you're writing, and keep coming back to it. It helps focus and organisation a lot.

I hoped some of this will help? And I hope find at least some fun in the remainder of your schooling. 🙂

~Squirrel

[Squirrellesque]

I just remembered with clarity of mind there are a few small things I know helped me:

• silence/music (which music/silence depended on the individual situation. I liked the Tron: Legacy soundtrack, Beethoven's Symphonies, and the Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End soundtrack)
• Stand up, walk around, wave your hands in the air, whatever you have to do to engage all your senses, to create full focus into the task at hand! You may look weird, but! 🙂 No expert in any field got there by being normal! (citation needed)
• Talk aloud! Especially worked well for me with silence and walking around and a notebook handy to write down anything that was important. The other thing you can do is use your phone to record your ramble, and then you can listen to it at 1.6x speed and take notes from it.

[Squirrellesque]

Hehe, oops, and one more thing, I used to think about assignments when practicing piano. It was surprisingly helpful. ((And okay I'll stop putting too many posts here now. 🙂 ))