Hello Birdy,
Your idea of a party sounds much more appealing than the idiotic 'culture' that has become a staple of Australia. It's what I usually end up doing when I can catch a break and I will continue doing so when all of this work is finished.
I guess today I was in a better state of mind about the whole ordeal. It's usually what happens in a situation like this; I'll feel anxious/drained one day, then wake up to a better state of mind the next. Today we had to decide who we're going to sit with, and I put my name down to sit with a group of people that aren't necessarily friends, but I hold a certain amount of respect for. That settled me down a bit as I was relieved that I didn't have to sit with any random people.
I guess the sole reason why I feel indifferent about the formal is that the popular students treat it as the stereotypical prom scene from one of those teenage movies where it is in full swing and everything is perfect, everyone is happy, etc. It almost makes me wish that it wasn't like this and that there was some kind of supernatural occurrence to disrupt it just so that I could get out of going. To a lesser extent, I guess another reason why I feel indifferent is that deep down, there is a hint of jealousy that looms every time something about a date/relationship is broadcast in my direction. On the surface I'm generally apathetic towards it, but sometimes I wish that it was me in that position. Then I realise how much of a terrible partner I would be and then it evolves into a constant shoulder angel scenario in my head.
But enough about that, I suppose that I should mention what I'm intending to do while there, and although it may not sound very appealing to many, it's what I feel is the right thing to do. I'm going to attend by myself and then proceed to quickly eat and leave. I'm not going to stick around for all of the dancing and the awards as I'd prefer to use my time more wisely, it's something school has taught me after all. I could have been using those few hours to get some exam revision done or something intelligible, not sit around listening to everyone talking rubbish (despite the fact that we're all required to be sober).
I know that everyone I've shared my thoughts to means well including yourself, but I am simply uninspired by that type of environment. I'd much prefer to be sitting by myself in my room, but now that I think about it, it's probably the only party that I'm going to attend within the next few years.
