University lack of motivation

[Shaggy1701]

So, I am creating this new thread because, while similar to other threads, it bears some significant differences. 

   Anyway, on to the problems. So I just finished my first year of university, and quite frankly... I did terribly. I have failed at least 3 if 8 subjects (some marks aren't out yet), even failing some classes on topics I love. This is compared to highschool where I consistently got A's and the occasional B. And as I said earlier, some of the classes I failed, namely linear algebra, I love and know the information well. However come to the exam and there was a typo in one of the questions, which caused me to break down and cry silently for 2.5 of a 3hr exam. 

  Now, back to the beginning of semester 2. As I failed one subject in first semester (also do to a panic attack in the exam hall), my parents got me to see a GP who referred me to a psychologist specialising in anxiety and ADHD. After psychoanalysing me, gave me the all clear and told me and my parents that I have no mental disorders. However, in semester 2 I lost 100% of my motivation. I lost my appetite, couldn't do classwork, and spent most of my day just sitting (and stressing)  in my room. Furthermore, on 3 occasions I completely broke down into uncontrollable crying (where I would cry hysterically from anywhere between 30min and a 2hr). In one occasion, I broke down on a main street outside the university and fortunately my girlfriend managed to get me to a quiet spot, where I simply cried for who knows how long. 

   Finally, in recent months, I have lost all interest in things I used to love. For example, I have passed grade 6 piano exams and was a passionate trekky. I used to be able to spend several hours per day playing the piano, and then watch an episode or 2 of tng at night. Now none of this interests me. I mean, I feel like it should, but I just can't build up interest within myself. 

   With all this in mind, I can't imagine this is normal, but at the same time I don't want to contradict a trained professional (or my parents who agree with him). At the same time, I know who I am right now isn't me, and I don't think crying in the exam hall over a typo is normal either. What should I do? Thanks in advance. 

P.S. sorry for the long post, but I wanted to be thorough 

[Paul]

Hey Shaggy,

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. Really glad you decided to visit and tell us how you're feeling.

Looks like it's been a bit up and down for you, more down than up 😞 It's interesting, a lot of the things you describe are what I feel as well. lack of motivation, I get angry at typo's instead of upset, inability to concentrate, not feeling enjoyment from things I used to love (I'm a trekkie too). I haven't had lots of crying but I can relate the wanting to!

A lot of what you have describe seems like depression. I'm not a Dr so that's just based on my own experience.

I wonder if it would be worth seeking a second opinion, perhaps with a psychiatrist. They have a slightly more medical approach and some have a diagnostic approach as well. A chat with your GP might help as well.

In the menus at the top "The facts" then "Depression" there is a short survey that can help determine how you're feeling and what it might be that you are feeling. that could be worth a shot. It's not a diagnosis as such but you may find it helps steer you in the right direction.

There are lots of us on here who feel the same horrible things you are feeling, so you're not alone. Please drop by again and let us know what you decide about a second opinion.

In the meantime, look after yourself, go easy on your self and be really really kind - it's not your fault you're feeling crappy.

Paul

[SeanM92]

Hey there shaggy, 
Welcome to the forum, sorry to hear about how you've been feeling.

As Lats mentioned, it does sound alot like depression, maybe you should go back to your gp/therapist and tell them of your continued condition. While they may be professionals but really, no one will know you better then you. If you feel something is wrong, don't be afraid to push that point.
This all may not feel right but keep in mind, your not the only person to feel like this and your certainly not going to be the last so try not to get too worried as this can sometimes make it worse.

 Id say try going back to your therapist and tell them of the continuation and really, exactly what you said here.
feel free to come back anytime 🙂
take care

[Narniakid]

Hi Shaggy1701, welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am sorry to hear about your lack of motivation. It is one of the most common symptoms of depression and anxiety, and I remember experiencing it myself. Having a consistently high expectation of yourself can be difficult too, as unfortunately, we can't all be good at everything we do all the time, and if we slip up, we tend to really beat ourselves up over it. It is only human to panic and make mistakes, and that's okay.

Since you didn't have much luck with the psychologist your GP referred you to, I would definitely ask the university if they offer any counselling services or special provisions to students going through a tough time. I'd also encourage you to try something new, perhaps join a sporting club or find yourself a new hobby - distract yourself with something.

Crystal