Finished school, supposed to be happy but... lonely, I just want to completely transform myself

[justdoit100]

I recently finished all my school exams and I have a few months of free time. Before the holidays, I was feeling so motivated - I wanted to go out, try and learn new things, catch up on everything I didn't have time for during school... but I just feel so empty and demotivated. Seeing photos of people having fun and all these beautiful places online make me want to go out with friends, but nobody wants to go with me and I don't really have anyone to talk to. This is an immediate problem, and I know it isn't a significant one.

However, this is related to a more long term problem - I find it so difficult to connect with people and am struggling to accept myself. So many
times I have tried to organise outings with my friends and most of the time nobody goes. I understand this though - why would someone want to hang out with someone who is so serious and boring? Sometimes I really enjoy alone time, and go out alone (and people think I'm odd). But sometimes I really just want company, someone to talk to, to motivate and support each other, to exchange ideas, to have a laugh, to grow together. I hardly ever smile or laugh, and I seem so detached and serious. People think I'm secretly judging them when I actually am not; I don't wish to sound arrogant, but if I were to be honest, I'm more open-minded and accepting than a lot of people I know. In general, my
thoughts don't seem to align with my actions - even when I'm happy, I find it hard to smile (I actually find it harder to smile with my family as they're so used to me not smiling) and I find it so hard to show affection and warmth to people. My appearance is appalling - I'm so bony and I look so flimsy and awkward. My face is sharp and bony so I look even more serious. In general I just look like a really unlikeable and awkward person. I'm also extremely quiet around everyone outside of my home, to the point where a lot of the times people can't hear me and I have to repeat the same thing multiple times until they give up. Moreover I feel like I did so poorly in my final exams. I genuinely can't think of anything I am good at. I hate how I'm such a failure. And this pervasive feeling of loneliness has in turn obstructed my motivation to read and learn other things... I want to use this free time that I have to transform myself but I'm not sure how. I've tried volunteering and working some shifts to talk to other people but it hasn't helped... I know it's ultimately up to myself but I would really like help.

[Zeal]

Hi, and welcome to the forum!

Finishing school can be really tough emotionally, because something that's been in your life since you were five has now come to an end. I found this hard.

I'm 22 and I finished Year 12 five years ago, but I still remember well how it felt when I finished. I was disappointed in myself, unmotivated, and also felt unconnected and lonely. I have a history of anxiety, and I had low self-esteem during my teen years. I understand what you're going through, even though your situation is unique to you and not the same as mine or anyone else's.

After Year 12, I spent a lot of time watching TV, being by myself, and so on. I had friends, but I too found it hard to fully connect. Looking back, I know that my main problem was that I didn't know what was coming in the future for me, which made me anxious and fearful. I used to struggle with change, and leaving school was one of the biggest changes I had faced.

If you don't mind me asking, have you ever been diagnosed with a mental health condition such as anxiety or depression? You may not have a mental illness. You might solely be confused or unsure of yourself after finishing high school, which is more common than you'd think. The problem arises when this feeling becomes more intense, and affects your daily life.

Try talking to someone about this, like a parent or someone else you trust. You could also go to your GP about a referral to a counsellor or psychologist. As you are over 16, this is confidential with your doctor.

It's great that you've been volunteering - that is seriously helpful to both you and others. If you can, keep on doing this! I didn't start volunteering until last year, when I was 21. It's awesome that you've started doing this early 🙂

Don't be too hard on yourself - Year 12 results don't necessarily determine your future. If you don't get accepted into your first choice at uni (if you want to go to uni), then there are other pathways to get there. If you ever need advice about work or future study, you could always contact your old school's career advisor next year during the school term. They will probably be happy to help one of their recent graduating students 🙂

Sorry if I got off track during this post! Hopefully something I said was helpful 🙂

Best wishes,

SM