Trust issues

[Daniel156]

I had a girlfriend for almost a year who cheated and lyed about pretty much everything throughout our relationship. From excuses of working while she was actually seeing her exs, to having an affair and leaving me for for one of them. And obcourse everything in between. Which shattered me to say the least.

Now things have moved on and i have a new partner whos is really trust worthy and wouldn't do a thing to hurt anyone let alone me. But my mind goes crazy and worrys heaps still which the results of that is ruining our relationship . I have panic attacks regularly. I get really scared because theres so many different social media sites that she could do anything on at any time. When i freakout ill message her accusing her of stuff even though i know she would never do it. And that just makes me angry at myself. I just can't seem to take my boundaries down. Even when its ruining a good thing in my life

[BballJ]

Hi Daniel156,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Sorry to read what you have been through, a break up is tough in the best of circumstances but when cheating and unfaithfulness is involved it is even harder. I can see why it would cause trust issues in your new relationship. One thing you need to focus on here and you said it yourself is that your new partner is trustworthy and you know she won't do anything to hurt you. You need to focus on those words because you do know this but its convincing your mind that it is true. In reality I don't think you have truly recovered from being hurt in the previous relationship, I have seen it before and not accepting what happened and letting it go really affects future relationships. There is a quote I love "Can you forgive those who have hurt you because that is when healing begins" - Until you can accept and forgive you ex for what she did to hurt you, you will continue to hold onto it and it hurts you new relationship. You haven't fully healed and that is understandable.

Talking about it is a good start as well which you are doing. Does your current girlfriend know what happened in your previous relationship?

My best for you,

Jay