Trouble making friends at university

[shelka]

Hi guys, looking for some advice here.

I'm starting my third year at a huge university, and I've made no friends in the 4 semesters I've completed thus far. 

I'm an accounting/finance major, so you can say my classes aren't all that interactive between students. To give perspective, the teacher starts speaking at 5 past, and finishes speaking at 5 too. There's not much room for socialising, and at most I've made a few acquaintances.

I have tried joining a club but was unable to commit (I have anxiety and couldn't balance it with my uni workload).

Whilst I have friends outside of uni, I'm getting lonely being by myself every day. 

I hope someone can help me get out of this rut, because I'm feeling rather hopeless right now.

[SeanM92]

Hey there,
Welcome to the forum,

Have you tried finding anyone on something like Facebook or approaching people before or after class?

Alot of people in serious courses like that don't like to mix study and friends so don't feel let down if it doesn't work out, but there is nothing to stop you from giving it a go

I hope i helped and good luck with everything.

[PatT]

Hi Shelka,

I've been to 3 different universities (changed my bachelor 3 times out of boredom) and I found it really hard to make friends at all of them. I'm pretty sociable within my own (pretty large) group of friends but my anxiety always peaked when I had to try with new people at uni. I got lonely by myself there too but I kind of made this agreement with myself that I wouldn't see my time at uni at a socialising experience but rather as one of purely studying. In the alone time between tutorials and lectures, I would use the lack of distraction to spend extra time on my notes, readings and assignments. 

I accepted that I still had a healthy social life outside of university, but I was at uni for a purpose. It definitely made my grades improve but I did also sacrifice the social side of university. That being said I did make a few mates here and there without trying and I think dwelling on it in the first place made the task that much more ominous anyway. I don't know if this helps but stressing about not being social enough will just make you that much more anxious when the opportunity for making friends actually arises. 

All the best,

Pat.

[M_]

Hey Shelka!

I know how you feel, this will be my fourth year attending uni (2 years at 2 different universities) and I don't really have any friends either. I have a few people that say they're my friends but I never see or talk to them. I don't really feel like they're my friends at all, but more like people that only talk to me if they feel like that have no other choice. I spend the majority of my time alone both in and outside of uni.

I tried speaking to people in/outside of class and going to events the university held, I tried new things. This didn't really work for me but maybe it'll work for you? I understand that you have anxiety, I sometimes have this too especially in a social situation. It is something I am personally trying to work on as I'm tired of being alone too.

I moved a long way from home where I used to have loads of friends and go out all the time with them. Whenever I'm in a social situation I think of them and tell myself to breathe! I also try and remind myself to just be me! If people don't like me for who I am then thats their loss! For some reason doing these things has in some way helped me introduce myself to new people and I'm slowly putting myself out there again. It hasn't been easy but I am slowly getting there, I feel like one day there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know this may not appear as a helpful post, but sometimes it's nice to know that you aren't the only person who is going through a similar situation. It's good that you have spoken about how you feel, keep talking about it. I hope that something I've said may help you in some way. I know that a busy uni work load can get in the way of a lot of things (I myself study law), but remember you and your health are the most important thing!

Keep talking, all my best,

M.