So I'm a fifteen year who is a member of a defence family. Ever since it as five I've had to move from state to state every 2-3 years for my father's work. Ever since grade 4 it started to become harder. I barely noticed it then, but no I look back and realise that this was the time what I now believe to be social anxiety formed. Little things such as worrying about speeches, what was in my lunchbox, and did people judge how I sounded (I have a lisp and a weird ScottishxNorwegian accent). It slowly worsened, and grade 7 was absolutely horrible. Those three years had it become worse, but my confidence around certain people improved. I started to slightly like how I looked, and how I acted, and even figured out my sexuality, which is all good. Speaking to a teacher or doing a speech in class was still a problem though, unfortunately, but still, I had gotten better in some areas. Every time I mentioned this to my parents, they would say I 'was being stupid', 'acting silly', 'trying to get attention', and when there was a thing on the news about increasing anxiety issues in teens, I ticked off every of the symptoms they talked about, whilst my parents called it 'rubbish' and that all the kids with those 'mental issue's were acting 'like idiots'. The only mental issue they acknowledged was ADHD, as my little brother had been diagnosed with it, my 'poor, precious baby' who is nine and obviously the favourite. If you can't guess it, my parents are very against most things.
End of 2015, and the dreaded posting of where we would move. I had a panic attack at school when I told my friends, and had to convince the office not to call my parents. It was horrible.
Just an hour ago, my mother and I had an argument about when she should drop me off. She wants to drop me off half an hour before the bell goes so that my two brothers can be dropped off a few minutes before their bells go. She tried to tell me that it wasn't fair for them to have to stand around for ten minutes, whilst knowing nobody and looking awkward. I countered with 'what about me?' because it felt really unfair that I had to sit for half an hour without knowing anybody and looking like an idiot.
I want to try and tell her that when I talk to people I don't know that I panic inside, and that being in a new environment makes me scared, and just going outside makes me think of everything that could go wrong, but if I do, she'll probably say I'm acting 'childish' or 'immature'.
