Too ugly to be loved

[SleepingUgly]

Hi everyone,

I am just here to vent, I don't have anyone to talk to in real life but I need to put it out there. I am too ugly to be loved. I have gone my whole life (I am 20) without a single guy ever caring about me. It is one of the most simple things in life, something the average 14 year old has: a relationship. But I am too ugly for any man to accept, I will never be good enough. It is just so hard because I didn't choose my appearance, I cry every day because it is so unfair that I am missing out on the joys of life because of it. I will never know love and will never get to be a mother. All because of something I didn't choose: my face. What makes it even harder is that one of my best friends who I live with is beautiful. She always has guys wanting her, she has had more boyfriends than I can count. It's not fair. The only guy in my life who has ever come close to loving me wanted her more, he just had to settle for me because she wasn't single. Before we started dating he would tell me he didn't want a relationship with me, but that my friend was so beautiful and amazing and he wished she was single. After 6 months of this I had enough and said I can't keep up the friends-with-benefits relationship we had and he settled for me. He was too embarrassed to hold my hand in public though, or even to tell anyone we were dating. He also cheated on me regularly. I stayed with him because I thought if I broke up with him, who else would want me? No one. Which turned out to be true after we broke up a year ago. Nobody wants me.

I need some tips on how to keep going through life without love. How else can I be happy?

[luft_]

Hello Sleeping,

Let me start off by telling you that I have never seen a physically ugly person. I don't believe there is such a thing and if they exists, I have not come across this person! Everyone is born with their own set of aesthetics, which are as pleasing to the eye as the next person. Our society is obsessed with what is a very narrow conception of beauty, and to me it is ridiculous because I believe a society should celebrate all kinds of diversity. So let me just say, I don't think you are ugly at all.

On the other hand, I have come across many people with ugly souls and your ex-partner sounds like he was one. There is no time for people like that, they have a very limited view of the world and frankly it's boring!

The way I see it is like art. The example I use may require google. I want you to look up 'Camille Pissarro, Cowherd'. The images that come up will be quite pretty, quite picturesque but not necessarily that interesting or engaging. The same thing goes with our society, we can be obsessed with the picturesque. Advertising agencies utilise a standard look when choosing a model, and by and large it doesn't challenge.

Next art work to look up, Weeping Woman by Picasso. There is nothing picturesque about this painting. Has this had any affect on the painting's success? Definitely not! It is considered one of the most beautiful paintings yet to exist. It challenges you, and there is nothing bland about it.

The way you look is entirely your own, you do not have to be picturesque to be beautiful, it comes from within 🙂

I want to add quickly, I am a few years older than you (24) and I suppose I am considered stereotypically attractive , however this has no baring at all on my happiness, particularly my romantic happiness. I have never had a fulfilling relationship when it has been based solely on a male's attraction to how I look. I have been discarded countless times by men who were only interested in a trophey. The only love I have ever received is because of my personality. 

Chin up, you are very beautiful and have so much to be proud of - I hope university goes well for you - that is a huge achievement 🙂

Good luck

xx

[Qq]

To the OP
Let me tell you something.
Happiness comes from within . Be at peace with yourself and hold your head up high. Be genuinely happy with who you are...and then watch how the entire world will want to associate themselves with you.

[JKingLiz001]

I am going through the same thing and I hate the feeling that I will never be loved. Its a daily thought. However, there is someone out there for everyone, it's just a matter of finding that person and going out of our way a little (basically try new methods to find) to do so.

[Lone]

Hi sweetheart I am so sorry I can relate growing up I was always the one that was avoided by guys, I literally had to make moves myself and I never got approached, it still happens to this day, of course I get approached by guys but not the right ones. I understand is so hard to be ignored when you want to be loved, everybody needs validation and if you don’t get it by people who are close to you it is hard. Unfortunately in our society appearances that are the standard matter more than they should. It’s hard to not compare yourself to others but try to do this it is easier said than done I know. I felt very unattractive all my life and I still don’t know why I get anyone giving me this positive reinforcement, it’s sounds vain but it Ie nice, I hope this happens for you and you find the right people who love you like you deserve to be loved