too much stuff stressing me out

[anonyue]

i'm a 15yo girl in year 10 and i honestly can't handle all these things anymore. i have a bunch of exams coming up but honestly i'm already so drained, every exam i do i feel so exhausted and like i can't handle it anymore, can't even make it through the week. and i have to practice for my clarinet exam and stuff, and i have band stuff to practice for too. i'm trying to find work experience and idk where to go for that, also i really want a part time job for money but literally nowhere wants to hire teens

don't even get me started on my family, my dad has been smoking every day even though he hasn't smoked in years and he swore he quit, and it's stressing me out. my mum found out and she got so mad and i just wonder what's even happening to my dad. he's wasting money buying all these cigarettes and his mood is cosntantly terrible i hate being around him. my brother is in his 20's and won't get a job, all he does is lie around and watch stuff on his phone even though he has a degree, and my mum is constantly yelling at him. i hate seeing him lie around uselessly every day and i wish he would move out and stop draining this family's resources because we are honestly not that wealthy. like i wouldnt mind having all these family issues if i was rich or something but no i literally worry every day that my family is gonna become poor

it's gotten to the point school is literally an escape for me, like it's stressful but at least i can just focus on just learning stuff and be surrounded by my friends

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

It's so refreshing reading a brave young person write in to seek advice. Sometimes the obvious can escape us as we live day to day and we allow issues to penetrate our stability.

So it seems really obvious to me that essentially outside incidences have a negative effect on you and it might be time to draw some of your own boundaries on these topics.

Your dad has a addiction in smoking, I smoked for 10 years 19-29yo (I'm now 69yo!!) and until I was about 45yo I still felt like wanting a smoke so I feel sorry for him. When he is ready he'll give it up but he must be ready, no talk will help beforehand. When he makes the first try at giving up tell him "I'm proud of you dad" it will mean the world and that simple few words could make a difference.

Your brothers life is his, if he chooses to live it on a couch so be it. If your parents decide to give him an easy financial life so be it. Your issues are within your bedroom walls and thats also where your future lies with education and study. These "on the other side of the wall" distractions will always be there. Eg if you shared a house with friends distractions are likely going to be worse than at home. To rent a flat when older you'll need income and that comes from employment and that job has to be secure or you'll lose that flat. So life can throw at you many obstacles that can effect your tolerance so you need to learn how to tolerate those distractions.

Finally, you talk like you are stressed out, too many things going on in your life. So 2 things come to mind- 1/ that you need to make a priority list (diary?) as to the most important thing to do that evening after school eg Clarinet practice, email council or the education dept to find out how I can get work experience, band practice, chores... bed. And because sleep is very important a bedtime must be strict. ( we all know here the important of sleep). 2/ Relaxation. Relaxation can be so easy, it can come in a 10 minutes walk to a park and back on such a walk look at the flowers, the bees, the birds, kids playing, help an old lady carry her shopping... all these things make you feel good, make you refreshed, you'll return home with a clear mind. Youtube videos can help - try googling "Maharaji sunset" and use your earbuds to block away distractions. 

I think you will be ok, I think once you master the distractions, let others worry about themselves and focus... you'll be a success and not become a couch person. Well done. I hope I've helped.

TonyWK