Tired of being lonely and miserable

[Skyline97]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 20 year old male, I don't have any friends and haven't had any real friends even through school/high school I was bullied and avoided through those years.

I'm at a point where I am sick of being lonely, I have a job that I work from 7-4pm full time. I don't have any opportunities to make friends at work because I work with family.

I am socially awkward and can't draw on past friends to be able to go out. I would really like to go clubbing and stuff like most guys my age. It gets me down seeing the good relationships and the amount of fun people have that I see on Facebook and such.

How can I make friends and stop being so lonely? My social awkwardness comes from lack of experience, throughout my schooling years I chose video games over social activities mostly because I had no friends.

The lonely feeling is killing me.

[BballJ]

Hi Skyline97,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Like you, during high school I didn't have many friends so I know the feeling of loneliness. One way I found making friends during my 20's was that I started doing things that required team participation. It can be anything, video games ever but joining something where there is a common ground with many people. It is a great ice breaker to be honest. How do you think you are socially awkward?

Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Tasa83]

I have social anxiety and have always had problems keeping friends, especially when they find out I have a mental illness.

I have moved to a smaller community and started getting involved with the local neighbourhood centre. I have made some connections, not quite friends yet but it’s a start.

Is there anything like that near you or a men’s shed?

chatting on here can help with the loneliness. Also it would be good if there was a tinder equivalent for making friends. But for now I wish you luck and understand it is hard to put yourself out there but the more you do the more likely you will be to make some friends.

classic line: fake it til you make it.

[geoff]

hi Skyline, and I'd also like to welcome to the forums.
Being bullied at school will definitely make you feel socially awkward and frightened to make any friends.
So there are a couple of ways to overcome this such as, are you able to change your position at work so that you can interact with people more, or perhaps ask your family members, siblings where do they go at night time, and you can google this 'socially awkward' there is information here that you may not know about.
There's one thing you can be confident about and this is the experience you have learned from the work you do, so be proud of that, it doesn't matter what you do, it's something you know, that's an asset.
When you look on facebook people make all sorts of comments, whether they are correct or not they do it for self esteem so if you get upset then don't look on it.
Just go for a walk after work or in your lunchtime in the same spot, you will see the same people, they're probably there everyday, just nod your head and smile, or go the same cafe, this is an introduction to meet people although at first you're only smiling, but never think that these people are thinking anything awful, if you do then this comes from you and needs to stop, feel the good within you. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Skyline

Hello and welcome. You will make friends here and can look forward to enjoyable conversations. Look under the BB Social Zone to find several virtual cafes and games. You may enjoy being part of this scene. It's always a good place to go when you are not feeling happy about yourself.

Jay has made an excellent suggestion about joining a club of some sort. This can be a sports club or a hobby group. What interests you? If there is something you think you may enjoy find a venue and join in. No matter if it is new to you. In fact it may be better as people show you what goes on. As you get to know people better you will make friends.

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hi Skyline,

I too welcome you to the community here. You have received some great answers already.

When we moved to a smaller community 5 years ago, I joined a local Church, the Country Fire Service and volunteer in an Op Shop while I am looking for work. I know people, like Tasa mentioned, they aren't great close friends, but friends all the same.

Find an interest and expand on it, or look for something you have never done before.

Check out the volunteer options in your region, the council may be able to help with this, even one weekend a month of volunteering will bring a whole lot of new opportunities your way.

I have also been happy with my own company. I take myself to the movies, to a café, for a drive etc as my husband is not always willing to join me. Being comfortable with myself helps me feel less anxious when with other people.

Cheers from Dools

[Skyline97]

Thank you everyone for all the support I really appreciate it. 2 in a bit years later and I'm doing a bit better, I've made a couple of friends. I've had a change in Career path to FIFO (I don't recommend, especially for the mental health side of things - I'm considering changing careers again).

I've still got a long way to go, but at 23 I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my life. To anyone else there reading this, in a similar position hang in there. You really have to push yourself, you will come across hard situations socially. But you 9/10 you come out on the otherside on top 😄

[White_Rose]

Thank you for bringing us up to date. It's always good to know the end of the story. In your case it's reaching a significant milestone. Being comfortable with your life and making friends, two great strides forward.

Things will get better from here.

Mary