Tired and lost 24 year old who has been fighting for years

Hollyhell · ‎24-08-2018

Hello everyone

not sure how this actually works but my mum told me I should sign up. I’m having a hard time atm I mean I always usually am but I feel like it’s getting worse. I suffer from depression, anxiety and bpd. I have tried multiple medications and treatments. Hospitals and psych wards, with no luck. I had my son when I was 19 years old and think I may still have post natal depression. I find I’m constantly stressed and on edge and like I can’t find joy in anything. The constant feeling of not being good enough is just so draining. I’m currently sitting in the doctors office waiting like usual but she told me last time that she is running out of ideas for me. This broke me. Their has to be something or someone out there that can help me. I go to the gym and get out of the house regularly but still doesn’t seem to help. I cry probably everyday and have horrible thoughts, I used to self harm and self medicate but no longer do that. I live in Perth W.A.

Sorry for the long post

Croix · ‎24-08-2018

Dear Hollyhell~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. It is pretty good place to come to as there are all sorts of people here wiht all sorts of experiences, you are not alone. Your Mum had a good idea.

It is very easy to get discouraged when you have tried lots of things over what must seem a very long time, if you are anything like me you wonder if there is an answer, that it may be hopeless, and that it is in some way your fault - or something like that.

Actually anyone who is a mother knows just doing that is hard enough without illness on top. You have to be stronger and more capable than you think, it is one of the effects of depression to discount all the right things you do and just see all the negatives.

While my illness is a bit different to yours, being PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression, I think things still work in the same way. It takes a fair degree of luck to find medical professionals who know what to do and more for them to arrive at the correct treatment. Your current doctor may feel discouraged, however that simply means she needs fresh input, maybe a second opinion. It does not mean nothing can be done - far from it.

All those treatments you had, and all the professionals you met -was there anything that at the time seemed as if it had any promise?

I've spent a very long time trying out different therapies and meds, and only in more recent years have had what suited me and did the job. Now I lead a pretty reasonable life. I was a mess, now I'm better, and if not cured still able to find good things in life.

Getting back to how capable you are, stopping self harm and self medication are not trivial things, and for you to have triumphed over them is something worthy of respect. Exercising and getting out of the house show you are not just giving in, I think one big thing you need is hope, and that can come.

When you have horrible thoughts do you have a plan to swing into to take our mind away? I use Smiling Mind (a free smartphone app) followed by any activity I know will make me feel distracted and not let me thing along the lines I was before. It does take practice, as I've found out.

I've only said a bit and would really like it if you talked some more

Croix

smallwolf · ‎25-08-2018

Hollyhell,

Hello and welcome.

For someone who said they are not sure how this works, you have done a good job so far. I was told by someone that even if you dont know the answer not to admit this; instead searching for a solution that might work. So for you to hear from my GP they were running out of ideas was a bit sad. There is a fine line between honesty and ???

Croix mentioned one app... and I will mention one other called "virtual hope box". It includes a word search game that (spoiler alert) only uses positive words. I have found that doing it once does not work, but if I do it about 3 times one after each other work for me, possibly because of the distraction element, but reading out the positive words and going into the mind is very helpful. (At least to me.)

My last thoughts, if you would permit me, would be to things like (gratitude/pleasure/etc) journals. Do you write much? I found doing writing about positives in each day difficult. Even now, about 4 months down that track, and still be hard sometime. But I have found that if I dont do it, then after a day or two I notice the effects of not doing it. I just feel worse.

Theses are just 2 ideas... what works for you might be different? If you find that something does not work, then try another. How long it takes before you determine something not working is up to you. So as far as there being something out there... I am sure there is, just have to find out. And as far as someone... you have come here and a whole community to support you.

Hope you got something from this, and if not, let me know? We can chat some more about other things?

Tim

smallwolf · ‎03-09-2018

Hollyhell - hey, just checking up to see how you are going? Are you OK?

Tim