Alone with no one to talk to

[Cara2256]

Hi anyone who is reading this,

I am 15 years old and i have been really depressed lately. There is a person in my friend group that has been bullying me for roughly 3 years now and i went to  counselor once at my school. But this girl is in my class and i can't escape her. My parents don't understand and focus their lives on my younger brother, i have tried to talk to them but they just brush it off and pretend like it is nothing, or they yell at me and tell me that it is crap. My younger brother (aged 11) gets so much praise and concern but when i am hurt or proud of something i have done they just ignore it. I need someone to talk to because everyone of my friends is also friends with the bully and they don' t understand what i am feeling. I have low self esteem and have anxiety (i have no medication, haven't been to doctor because parents don't listen). I cry almost everyday and if i am not crying i am mostly feeling upset inside.​ Can anyone give advice as to how to get through this horrible time for me.

[brookey]

Hey Cara,

Thanks for posting your story here, I reckon there are loads of people who can probably really relate to how hard it is to experience bullying at school, as well as your experiences with your parents. 

 I'm really sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time - it sounds like your situations is really stressful. However, I wanted to say that I think you are showing a lot of strength and a great deal of  insight into your own problems by coming here to the beyond forums to get some help and have a chat to other people experiencing similar things. I definitely think this is a really great first step in getting through the feelings your having right now. 

 While I can't say I've been in the exact same situation, I can say that I've had problems (and still struggle now) with feelings of depression and low self-esteem. It's a really rough thing to battle with! I think it can be especially hard when you don't have the support that you would like from your parents. As for advice on how to get through this, I wonder if you would consider dropping by to a headspace centre if you have one near where you live? I think from my own personal experiences with this, I found them to be amazing, really lovely and supportive - they definitely helped me get on the right track to getting better, and to also learn ways to cope with difficult circumstances in my life. Maybe they might be able to help you too? If you feel up to it as well it might be worth applying for your own medicare card - this means that you can visit a GP on your own, and get bulk billed on your own medicare card (meaning you don't have to pay for the appointment). A GP can be a great first port of call as they can help you get a referral to a psychologist or other service that you might find helpful 🙂

 In the mean time I have always found it helpful to try and force myself to do things I love and enjoy (even if I'm not feeling like it) as I often find that my mood might lift a little bit after I've been kind to myself. What kind of things do you enjoy doing outside of school? 🙂 

I really hope that you start feeling better soon - it really sucks that you have to go through this 😞 

If you feel like it feel free to reply later to let us know how you're going with everything. 

Brooke xoxo

[Doolhof]

Hi Cara,

You really must be hurting to send out your story here. I am so sorry you are having these experiences in your life and that you feel your parents are not listening to you or acknowledging what you  are saying.

I would like to suggest that you return tot he counsellor at school and have another chat with him or her and ask for further help. They may be able to put you in connection with a place outside of school that can help you.

Is it possible for you to telephone the Beyond Blue help line, they will be able to put you in connection with other groups and organisations in your area that can help you.

If you can't phone, then you can use the webchat at the times mentioned. I have used both of these services and have found them to be very helpful.

I was picked on and bullied badly at school so I know how that feels. I became very angry which was not a good thing and became quite aggressive with the bullies. That didn't get me anywhere but in more trouble. So I hope you are able to find someone to help you.

You mentioned you have some friends at school, is at least one of them able to help you with the bully?

Are you at all close to any of the parents of your friends? Could you talk to them about how you are feeling? Do you have a relative you feel close to and can trust?

One of my nieces was being picked on at school. We talked about it quite a lot and that helped her. We tried to work out ways she could find help and I was able to tell my sister that her daughter was really struggling and needed help.

Can you speak to the teachers involved in the class where this bully is? Can you be moved to a different class?

I hope these ideas have been of some help to you. I also hope you will get back to me and let me know how you are getting on.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Cara2256]

Thank you so much for these kind messages, they really help me to make me feel like i am not alone, I have one friend that i have talked to and she has been really helping me alot. I am going to go back to my counselor and try and sort this out. Unfortunately with my school being high school we can't move classes because it is alphabetical. Later today i will try some of the beyond blue chats and I thank you sooooo much for helping me. This has definitely lifted my spirits for the day,

Thanks Brooke and Mrs. Dools xoxo i hope you get through your tough times too. And i can also talk to you if you need someone.

[brookey]

No worries Cara. I agree, I think it can be really good to share your problems with others experiencing similar situations. I'm really glad to hear that you've been able to talk to your friend about it - sounds like she is a very good friend to have around 🙂  I'm also glad that you're going to meet up with the counsellor, hopefully they will be able to help you with the situation! Feel free to let us know how you go with it, and how the situation back at school goes. I am glad that you are feeling a little bit better today!

[Mike_101]

Hi Cara

While I was never bullied at school I did experience bullying from my brother, and experienced the mandatory middle child syndrome - not really a clinical disorder in the big scheme of things - but a phenomenon nevertheless.

My brother was the first so he got all the attention from the family for being the new 'novelty' - then i came along - then 2 years later i was delicately put to the side for eternity to make way for my sister who has been the 'younger sister' ever since. I remember into my late teens when it was my birthday my grandmother would give my brother presents as well - her logic was my birthday was in the middle of the year yet my brothers was a few days before Christmas. When I asked why I didn't get presents on my brothers birthday her response was to wait a few days for Christmas and I would get them then. Sometimes logic or reasoning isn't an adults best trait - but we're stuck with them none the less. Now in my mid thirties I look back on things like that with a little amusement and just realise it all shapes us into the people we eventually become.

Its unfortunate that the bully seems to be the only negative about your circle of friends. Have you noticed if she bullies other people as well? While not your fault and you shouldn't have to, but are you able to be with another group of friends when the bully is present? I'm obviously not aware of the nature of the bullying but learning to ignore a bully is usually the best tactic - they seem to get enjoyment from what they do. Either by the attention they get or by making themselves feel better in some way. If the bullying is going on 3 years now I would think the bully has a character flaw which wont go away any time soon. So ignoring her might be the best and only thing you can do.

Wait until your younger brother turns 15 or 16 then your parents praise for him might start to wane as mother nature does her thing - until then its unfortunate that your parents dismiss your achievements and concerns and that will understandably be hurtful.

Unfortunately, like the bully, you wont be able to change your parents behavior any time soon, and you've done nothing wrong to warrant their preference for your brother (and its also not your brothers fault). Since we can't control our birth order, or who our parents are - we can just learn how to understand the situation and eventually be the better person from it. Talking (venting) to others can also be very therapeutic.

Kind regards
Mike

[Doolhof]

Hi Cara,

Thanks for getting back to us. It is wonderful one of your friends has been helping you out, that is excellent.

Hopefully the counsellor will be able to help you. I went to see a new guy yesterday for counselling. It is a little daunting at first having to share so much stuff, but in the long run it is certainly worth it.

I have decided this time to be totally honest about everything that is bugging me, so I can find ways to deal with the yucky stuff I have kept to myself for so long.

Knowing that someone cares is half the battle sometimes isn't it!  So thanks so much for the offer to be there for myself and others as well. That shows you have a very generous and caring heart.

Hope you have a lovely weekend and school is not so tough for you next week. I am going to plan some nice things for my week coming so I don't end up feeling so stressed out by Friday. Even a nice soak in a bath one night will be beneficial.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools. xxx

[Doolhof]

Hi Mike,

I have enjoyed reading your post. I too was a middle child who also had the "misfortune" of being a girl when my parents had lost a son only a few months before they tried for another child. I was the daughter who was not a son.

I was dressed in boys clothes and was given boys toys to play with.

I was angry about this for years then realised my parents were only doing the best they could do with the understanding and feelings they had. My Mum was never properly treated for the grief she must have been feeling and the depression that grew out of theat.

These events have shaped my life and I am thankful that I have become a loving  and caring person and not one full of hate and bitterness as so easily could have happened.

My younger sister had a "run" in with our Mother a few years ago that became almost as dysfunctional as my relationship with our Mum. She asked if that was the kind of stuff I had always copped from Mum and I told her she was getting the mild dose of it.

So like you wrote to Cara, we can't change how our parents or others react, think or behave. I can change how I react to their actions and how that makes me feel.

I still love and care for my parents and sometimes feel sad the relationship could not have been different. For my sake, I just make it the best I can and know that I try.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Cara2256]

Wow it has been a while since i have been on this site!

Now i am 18 and looking back on these posts really puts in perspective how long i have truely been going through this, previously thinking these feelings were new and now realising i have been feeling this way for a while. I took your advice, went to my GP who agreed that headspace was a good idea like you did and i have now been going to headspace on and off for 3 years. I got diagnosed with GAD and i am currently in my final year of high school, feeling the stress of university choices and i am going to my psychologist at least once a month to manage the anxiety. Unfortunately my mum never really supported the whole headspace idea and never really spoke about it, i always had to make my own appointments and remind her about it. I recently got special provisions for my final exams which i had to fill everything out by myself with not a lot of support from my parents. Even filling out special considerations forms for uni without parental help as they do not see my anxiety as a real issue. Although i am in a much better headspace than i was a couple of years ago i still have some downs. Thank you so much for giving me the advice that changed my life, i can not imagine my life without getting help that i needed.

Cara