I don't think therapy is helping and I feel emotionally vulnerable.

[KingOfTheFall]

I'm 20 years old, studying law at university, and have been diagnosed with high levels of anxiety and moderate depression since 15.

The reason I am starting this thread is because I feel like my therapy has not been helpful, which I have been attending since November last year.

I believe I get overly emotionally attached to people, and feel like I am easily manipulable. I have never had a proper relationship and any girl who gives me the light of day I immediately start developing feelings for. It often leads me to feel disappointed when she only wants to be friends or turning her off when she does feel some attraction and I am already keen to take things too far/fast. I also fear what people are thinking about me behind my back, and will help people who don't deserve my help with university work, like give them copies of my assignment or my notes for an exam.

I want to be more emotionally detached/distant. I want to be cold and relentless, so I can work in my job effectively without being manipulated by opposing litigators. I do not want to be easily emotionally involved with anyone that I talk to/begin seeing anymore, so I can be less disappointed and be less, I guess 'clingy/interested/keen' is the best term.

Has anyone else had any experiences like this or can recommend any good books on distancing yourself/being less invested and involved?

I just constantly feel empty and hollow

Thank you for taking the time to read this regardless, even if you don't know what advice to give or how to help me.

[therising]

Hi KingOfTheFall

It's my opinion that we start off life a little behind the eight ball, so to speak; we're taught to be people pleasers. You know the 'Good boy/girl' thing when we do something right as a kid. Then there are the hugs and kisses from the adults around us, like our parents, only when we're not being difficult or challenging. Yes, we can be conditioned to meet the expectations of others and are often left wondering, as adults, why we have this mental program in our head, 'Please others and your will be accepted and loved'. As a mum, I am aware of this 'conditional acceptance' aspect of life and teach my kids about it, inspiring them to be true to themselves to a reasonable degree.

A book I personally love is 'The six pillars of Self-esteem' by Nathaniel Branden. In brief, he covers:

1. The practice of living consciously
2. The practice of self-acceptance
3. The practice of self-responsibility
4. The practice of self-assertiveness
5. The practice of living purposefully
6. The practice of personal integrity

The author covers many different areas of life where these practices can be applied (work, relationships, school etc).

Something else I tell my kids: When love is achieved internally, we evolve into our most authentic self. It is within our own personal evolution that self-love is discovered.

Take care of yourself KingOfTheFall

[Hang10]

Hi King of the Fall.

Welcome to the Beyond Blue, some great insight form the rising to help you with your emotional attachment and anxiety.

Beening emotional attachment to people can be quite easy done. When we struggle every day and feel that we lose vision and than someone comes along who more stronger personality and know us better than ourselves we can fall quickly to depending on them for our happiness.

You doing so well studying law that something to be very proud of. You got your career vision right on track.

As time goes on you be more independent stronger. Keep working on yourself to deal with emotional stuff seeing doctors, counselling etc. You see you keep making progress. It may take more time than you like but with age things like this will become easier.

Realtionships is a learning process that everyone is always learning to be a better friend a better partner etc. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Find things that help you relax and be yourself.

I at times have wondered what it like to be cold as this seem to be what makes life easier to live but kind heart and sensitivity bring great magic and power that can’t really be explained. Side effect of sensitivity can mean struggle but have depth of emotional rescoures that can help you achieve many wonderful things that you yet to know you can and will achieve too.

Take care champion. Believe.

Hang10.

[LavenderTea]

Hey KingOfTheFall,

There have been some really good suggestions here so I'm going to keep this post short.

A lot of what we're taught around counselling and supporting others throughout my course is to be aware of our own biases.

You say that you get emotionally attached, become easily disappointed, and seem to support others around you by giving them your notes or copies of your assignments - you at least have a good sense of self awareness surrounding this. The key is to understand your own biases, and in doing so, you can learn ways to manage them. For example, knowing that you get emotionally attached quite easily, might mean you can take it slower when forming new friendships, or understanding the things that make you feel better when you are feeling let down.

Hope this helps,

LT.

[RandomMe]

It takes a really long time to find the right therapist. Keep trying until you find the right one