The dark road ahead

[Lachy91]

Well I guess it started back when I was 16 I was a bakers apprentice for 2 nearly 3 years at a dead end bakery running a shop by myself. I lost most connection with all friend and some family cause of my 7 day shifts. With in that 3 years I got engaged fell in love. To find out my brother was sleeping with her. After I found out I quit my job only to find out 3 weeks later my father commited suicide from depression. The day before he did it though we had plans to meet and I had to dam well bail on him for a job interview . the whole pressure was put on me to do a wake for him which did my head in the entire time. About 3 months afterword I get a call that I'm going to be a father ... 2 months later miss carage. From there on out I always thought that it couldn't get worst. But a good bit after that a year or so and my mother goes to jail for driving me to the dam hospital unlicenced because of a sever anxiety attack. my first anxiety attack at that. After she was incarcerated I took over her house lease so she wouldn't lose her house. Once she got out she called me ungrateful and kicked me on the streets. She is also disabled so I was not gonna kick her out that and she is my mother for god sake no matter what I love though. After that I met back up with the ex fiancy hooked up again and yet this time my best friend ..... After I eventually got over that once again I got a house with a couple mates a great paying job and just before out lease was up our house flooded and we lost everything I even lost my job not being able to go to work after that the girl I had left me cause I had no job and no home. Now here I am careing for my mother because she is now sick as well. There is alot more but no room to leave it ha. Now I know people have had it a lot harder then me but I just keep losing everyone and everything I ever care for. Now I feel like and empty 24 year old shell that instead of looking forward to a new day I stay awake lieing in bed every night until I pass out from exaustion . I have lost weight 10+kg I do recreational things to just put a genuine smile on instead of the one I show everyone that asks how I am. 

[eDE]

Far out Lachy, I'm sorry, that is way more than I could knowingly neglect to help if I was seeing someone go through that cycle so many times. I mean it when I say you must have a super tough mind!

Probably your gift and your curse to be honest. A mind that tough takes a lot of pressure before it can break it's own limitations... without someone to show why and what it's opening a door to anyway. I had a similar issue, yet your resilience is extremely impressive, and I've never said that before.

You will see in your own best time, that the strength within you is leaking out, it is yours, and your heart alone decides what it fuels.

You can do amazing things, I promise you that! Just do what feels good to you in each moment, and momentum will flow your energy on, it doesn't change direction once it's released, yet you release a lot of energy, so as the saying goes... with great power, comes great responsibility... just be mindful of your thoughts at times of high emotion, positive or negative, and channel the emotional energy into areas they suit, positive or negative...

You are actually extremely lucky in a way, don't waste it. And don't feel bad when you see how it really works! None have power over others, if that's what you perceive. It's about what we allow ourselves to see and what not to see. Still there, just hidden within your mind, and every road can be traveled both ways 😉

This is why I just came to this forum, to find smart people like you, and you surprised me to the upside which is rare. I have no financial interest in this, or basically anything anymore, money is just a thought away in reality... I put a lot of my own energy into self development and mostly using audio waves through music to reprogram my own mind, and eleviate my own suffering... this is the result of that energy which I want to share with you.

 You will understand, I promise 🙂 It uses my own link, but I know that and it's all good... you'll see why, the metaphysical lock is actually a key 😉

[Tay_Blue]

Hi Lachy91, I think you should just acknowledge first of all how brave and strong you are to have not given up after all that you have been through. People may have really bad lives swell but it does not take away anything from your situation! You should not blame yourself at all, because it is life that has gone wrong for you and basically there is nothing you could have done to stop it! I feel all your pain and there is not much i can do to help, but I hope that you start focusing on what makes you happy and looking after your own needs, for example you could start going to a phycologist and just get your mental health in good shape so that in the future any problems that arise you only look at the positive sides of them. Or you could start doing some volunteer work, helping others will make you feel good plus you can meet people who are genuine and kind and won't hurt you! I wish you the best of luck Lachy and I hope you know that I care about your well-being and hope you can start to find the joy in life again!