Talking to your parents about your illness

[ProverbialSwan]

I've recently decided to seek help for my anxiety which I've recognised in myself for about four years (now 20 years old). I told my best friend about my anxiety about three months ago, and recently told my brother's partner (who is like a sister to me). We will call her Jane.

Jane has helped me enormously. She is very supportive and sympathetic. She accompanied to my GP appointment two days ago.

However the problem is now cost of psychologist appointments. My doctor has recommended not going onto a Mental Health Treatment Plan right away. Mainly because she thinks it's best to see how I respond to psychological treatment and whilst we get test results back to rule out any other possible causes. I will just add that I agree with her recommendations. However I can't afford to pay the subsidised cost of a psychologist appointment let alone an un-subsidised appointment. Jane has offered to pay for my appointments but I don't think I can let her! It is so much money, and my any additional money my brother and her have shouldn't be spent on me.

My parents would be able to assist me, but I haven't told them about my anxiety, and honestly part of me doesn't want them to know. I have an excellent relationship with my mum, but we never really talk about actual emotional concerns or how we are feeling. We probably spend most of our time joking around and talking about meaningless stuff. I have never been able to articulate anything 'serious' in my life to my parents. The members of my family (me included) are quite emotionally reserved. I have also portrayed a facade of confidence, 'everything is okay', for so long. I just struggle to discuss my anxiety despite wanting to get help to desperately. And I'm unsure about how my mum will respond. I semi-presume that my mum would know that I have some issues in my life despite my best attempts to hide this. My best friend said she already assumed that I had anxiety before I actually told her...and I assume that Jane (although she didn't say anything) could see that something was not okay.

So I am wondering how others told their parents about the mental illnesses? How you brought up the topic? What was the response? Was anyone else as worried and found this as difficult as me? I just feel like this is such an absurd issue considering I have already told two people and seen my GP, but struggle just as much with the idea of talking to my mum.

[Just Sara]

Dear PS;

Welcome to our caring BB community! It's wonderful you've found the courage to write about your pain and frustration on here. So well done!

Firstly, I was shocked to read about your psych telling you a treatment plan isn't necessary, that's for you and your GP to sort out. It sounds as though the psych gets different amounts for subsidised visits. Hmm...

Please speak with your GP about this advice ok? It sounds a bit dodgy, but that's just my opinion based on what you've said. They're expensive and finding the right one can be an uphill climb sometimes. I hope you've found a good medication to support you as well. Recovery depends on good quality sleep and chemical intervention in the beginning.

With your parents, money might not be the best reason for telling them about your situation. Have a good think about 'why' because once it's said...you can't take it back. There's a process that takes place that you might like to be prepared for.

On this subject, people mostly don't understand the 'real' issues with mental health disorders. So my advice if you do decide to tell them, is take them to a GP consult and ask him/her to explain it in medical terms and answer any questions they have.

A GP has credibility and the right words to explain it as an illness so your parents don't see your anxiety as a 'phase'. They seem lovely people, but being emotionally unavailable might work against you.

I'm really glad you have your best friend, and especially Jane (who's part of your family) in your corner too. It's a plus for anyone to have support of that kind at such an unpredictable and frightening time.

I hope I've helped in some way my lovely. Don't forget helplines like Lifeline and BB for real time counselling with someone not involved with you can be a Godsend. There's also tons of info below in the blue section links.

Take care and be kind to yourself...

My best...Sara

[ProverbialSwan]

Thanks for the speedy reply Sara! I truly appreciate it.

I 100% agree that I shouldn't tell my parents because of financial needs. It should be something that I want them to know. And I do feel like they would understand that me keeping this to myself isn't for any other reason than that's who I am...an inherent part of my reversed personality. I think I might actually need to better understand what's going before anything is said so may just dip into some savings a pay the first couple appointments.

Also I think I should clarify/rephrase. My GP is definitely in support of Treatment Plans, she just wants to make sure that this is something that actually requires ongoing appointments before actually creating the official 'plan', so suggested attending a couple of appointments first. I should add that I was not very clear about my concerns in my appointment, it was pretty confronting. But I've got another appointment with her next week where hopefully I'll be more composed and able to communicate my issues more clearly.

Thanks again! All the best.

[Just Sara]

Hey again PS;

I'm sorry I was confused. It's so late and I'm trying to help out quite a few people; it's a busy night.

I wish you luck ok. Please continue to visit as this site offers so much for people struggling or needing someone to bounce off that's been where you are and will be.

Take care lovely...

Sara x

[geoff]

hello PS, I totally agree with Sarah, and can't understand why your doctor would even say not to put you on a mental health plan because she wants you to have psychological treatment so to me that's a catch-22 situation.
Parents have the ability to pick up different face movements made by their children, or how they react when asked about something, how they eat their food, but all parents are different, some may wait until the topic is raised, not wanting to intrude, while others comment on how you are feeling, because they sense a problem.
Once you decide to tell your parents then they may ask about your treatment and so the conversation continues, but I do agree it's best not to ask them straight out about financing your treatment, that would be approaching the situation in an awkward way.
I'm pleased that you have Jane with you, however your parents may know because your brother may have let on, don't let that be of any concern, right now you need Jane, and please let us know when you visit your doctor next week, or of course beforehand, we are always here. Geoff.

[Nervybella]

Hey PS,

Welcome to the forums!

How lovely that Jane offered to pay for your visits! You're lucky to have such great support from her.

I totally understand why you feel nervous to tell your parents, I think that (from my experience) people of my parents age still think mental illness is made up/not a valid excuse etc etc

Thankfully my parents are very supportive. The way I told my parents was not thought out or planned. I had a breakdown one day - and everything just came out from that.

You definitely need to tell your parents, but as everyone else here has said, don't base it in finiancial needs. Perhaps frame it with "you might have noticed I haven't been myself lately..." Or "There's something that is bothering me and I really need your support"

Chances are your parents, like your friend, have an inkling. Don't be afraid to tell them, they'll love you no matter what.

Let us know how you go!

Best,

Bella

[startingnew]

Hi There PS and welcome to the forums



I too am 20 years
old and struggle with anxiety so you not alone here 🙂


even if you havent
spoken to your parents about your anxiety there is a chance that they
can already see it. Anxiety is funny like that and gives us traits
that we dont even recognise ourselves but is visible to others.


Its very common to
be afraid to talk your parents about the issues you have but it seems
you have a good relationship with it. The talk I ahd wth my parents
werent the best but I know of others and have read success stories on
here from others who have talked to their parents and it has turned
out well.


Anxiety is a real
thing and isnt absurd at all. In fact its better to have more support
than nothing at all. Your gp cant be there 24/7 so you most certainly
need outside help and support as well.


I agree with others,
dont base it on financial needs.

Just as a suggestion
since you asked- I would recommend bringing it up during a time you
spend at homw with them. Make them a cup of tea/coffee and just bring
up the convo such as “ I have something I would like to talk to you
guys about” or “ ive been dealing with anxiety for a little while
now and its getting hard for me to manage on my own”




hope this help 🙂