Survivor of domestic violence,

Courtneyrose · ‎13-05-2016

I finnaly cut the cycle of abuse from my achohloic Dad November last year. Iv had no contact since so i dont fall back into his trap like iv done many times before throuh out the years. This is the longest I Havent spoken to him but i hear lots about him because I live with with my gran parents who love and support him buy him all these expensive things he dosent deserve the worse part of it is they know in great detail of the abuse he conflicted onto me. All his anger and frustration was taking out on me, i dont have any surpport from them. Even cutting my dad out of my life it hasnt really stopped because living here is a constant reminder of him and im sure they talk about me to him as well.

Any advice on surpport groups in perth would be good or any other advice or comments. Thank u for reading.

pipsy · ‎13-05-2016

Hi Courtneyrose. I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Is there any way you could find a place to live on your own or in a mixed flat situation. Not knowing your age or if you are at school makes giving you any sort of help difficult. What about your mum, do you have contact with her? Living with alcohol is hard, coping with abuse as well makes it doubly hard. I would suggest you either contact your mum or perhaps try to find somewhere else to live. You may also have to minimise contact with your g'parents for the time being. It must be quite disappointing for your dad's parents to realise how sick he is. Alcoholism is an illness, like any other. When the sufferer refuses to acknowledge the illness, it makes it harder for everyone associated with them. If you can move away, it would be better.

Lynda

Jack184 · ‎13-05-2016

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. One of my friends is also a victim of her father's domestic violence, so I've dealt with this a little bit before. Sounds like you're in a pretty tricky situation. My main suggestion is if possible, find somewhere else to live. Now, I realise this might not be possible, but if the opportunity is there, take it. Also, stay strong and avoid your father. You deserve a life free of domestic violence and alcoholism. Hopefully one day he will get better, but in the meantime, it's best to just stay away.

I hope everything works out for you.

Best wishes,

Jack

Courtneyrose · ‎21-05-2016

Thank you both for your suggestions I appreciate that you took the time to read and reply for starters. Well im 17 turning 18 next year in feb. My my mum is drug addict going in and out of hospital most of the time and first time i met her was when i was 13 and havent had anything to do with her since.im not in school but im studying online for my certificate 3 in animal studies. Sorry for the lack of information. I dont really have any where else to go i dont have any friends or talk to anyone iv only just started session at my local doctors and i think its a complete joke and looking at other therapy to go to but other then that i dont no what else to do. I feel trapped

pipsy · ‎21-05-2016

Hi Courtneyrose. Welcome back. Sorry to hear your situation is as bad. Because you're only 17 have you thought about contacting Al Anon. Al Anon is an organization specifically designed for relatives of people with alcohol abuse problems. With your mum also having substance abuse problems, Al Anon could also assist you in that situation. Perhaps if you applied to family services, they might be able to help you finding somewhere to live. Are you working at all, if you are, perhaps you could apply for a grant of some sort to enable you to live independently. Maybe someone else on here could give you some more help. Keep in touch here, please. We want to help.

Lynda.

white knight · ‎21-05-2016

Hi, welcome

Pipsy had, as usual got some great suggestions

I'm 60yo but I did break contact with my mother in 2009. My sister and I had a rollercoaster relationship with her all our lives.

It still hurts but it is the way things need to be.

Remember, if you are not going to see your father again, it doesn't matter what is spoken to him by whom. But until you are 110% certain you'll never have him back in your life leave the door a little open. Its your decision and it depends largely on the abuse you have suffered.

As pipsy suggested, move out and make a life for yourself when you can. All anon sounds good.

Tony WK

Courtneyrose · ‎19-06-2016

I know i havent replied for a long time but things werent to bad till a few weeks ago, i just feel so overwhelmed all the time i cant take jokes it just upsets me instead which isnt like me. i was seeing a doctor but i had to reschedule an appointment because i couldnt make it but when i called it went staight to voice mail i called twice and left 2 msgs but no reply. I didnt feel like he helped at all he was trying to make me concentrate on the future which i cant do till i talk it out but it hurt that his surposed to help me and he wasnt intrested at all and in our appointment he would often text or receive phone calls any way but since that iv really gone down hill. The only good thing iv made myself do is join in volunteering in a wild life rescue today was my first day and it was amazing until i got home because someone gave my dad my number and he texted me asking how my first day was and that his proud of me which hurt because i no he dosent care and ontop of that i cant talk to him because of all the abuse he caused me that his just forgotten about. I dont even know whats wrong with me any more i take everything badly im depressed everyday alot of my past mistakes wont leave and its making it very difficult to see my future. Its completely ruined my relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years, he wants nothing to do with me just cutting me out more and more each day he would just rather hang out with his mates we used to talk everyday for hours now we havent spoken in a week. I just really need help and need to arrange another sorce of counciling but i would love to here fee back on any ideas. Thank u

Sorry for misspelling and if it makes no sense.

romantic_thi3f · ‎20-06-2016

Hi Courtneyrose,

Thanks for reaching out. I've just been reading through all the posts and I can see that you've been through a hell of a lot lately; it's never easy dealing with family issues but I'm glad that you've been able to live with your grandparents to help keep you safe. Are you still living with them?

It certainly doesn't sound like your Doctor has been very helpful, and I do get that it can be very hard to focus on the future when you've got so much going on in your life. Did your doctor refer you to a counsellor at all or is it just the GP that you are seeing? If you can - ask to see a counsellor. They'll usually make up a care plan and then you can have someone to talk to. It's not really that unusual for Doctors to take calls in appointments, but with a counsellor they will have their phone away and have only your attention.

You said that you don't know what's wrong with you but I don't see anything wrong with you. If you're feeling depressed then that would definitely explain why you are struggling to see your future. I know from my own experiences I had to really work through some hard stuff that went on in order to even look forwards at work or study.

A counsellor would also really be able to help with your relationship; it's very easy for our own issues to affect our relationships with other people but that does not mean that it's anybody's fault. Does your boyfriend understand how you're feeling? Often it can seem like people want to 'pull-away' but really it might just be their way of coping when they don't know how to help or support you.

I do however think that it's great that you are able to volunteer with a wildlife rescue. It sounds like a lot of fun! If you are able to, keep doing that. It will be great to be able to focus your energy onto something you really love.

Hope this helps a little

pipsy · ‎20-06-2016

Hi Courtneyrose. Your Dr doesn't seem to be very supportive, although it's possible he did not receive your messages. Have you thought about contacting a different Dr. There are some really good Dr's who are willing to give you as much help and support as you require. I think romantic may be onto something in connection with your bf's inability to help you at this time. If he's only quite young himself, he may feel out of his depth a bit. Boys of 18, 19 even 20 are quite often still immature in many ways. This is no reflection on them, but females as a rule do mature earlier than males. He very likely still cares very much, but has absolutely no idea how to help you. I would like to suggest you phone our helpline to get some info regarding Dr's who understand depression and alcoholism more. There may be some info about who to contact to get some counselling/therapy to help you overcome these painful hurdles. It's good your dad has texted you, but maintaining a distance would be better for you until you are stronger, emotionally. By all means stay in touch, your choice whether to, but how much contact is up to you.

Lynda

Narniakid · ‎21-06-2016

Hey Courtneyrose, welcome back to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

Just reading through these few posts, it looks like you've had a number of stressful things to deal with lately, and it doesn't seem like your doctor is going to be of any help. Is this doctor a GP or a psychologist? You may find a psychologist or councillor to be more helpful, from personal experience I know I did, but you will probably need a referral from your GP.

Romantic_thi3f is probably right in saying your boyfriend does care, he may just not know how to help you. Consider talking to him about how you feel and what he could do to help and support you. However I do urge you to be mindful of the fact that loved ones are merely a support group not a cure.

The others have given some helpful advice which I hope you have a good think about. I also just want to say well done on taking up some volunteering work. In my hardest days, helping others through charity and volunteer efforts was one of the best coping mechanisms and it gave me a real sense of purpose and usefulness.

Crystal