stuck between a rock and a hard place

[sn6991]

So I am doing a gap year course this year and it hasn't turned out the way I expected it to. My anxiety has never been so extreme as it has been this year, which is the opposite to what I thought this year would be.

This course seems extremely unorganized and we don't know details till the day before for community engagement things and I don't live close to any of the places they go to, this alone sends my anxiety through the roof trying to figure out means of transportation!

However the place where my anxiety has been at it's worst is for an overseas culture exposure trip we are meant to be going on. It's an awesome opportunity don't get me wrong, I have hardly seen any of the world, however, I have a severe phobia of needles and this trip requires that I get at least 1.

If I was really passionate about this trip I would try and find a way around it, however like community engagement days, we know hardly anything. There seems to be no direct purpose or intent behind this trip apart from exploring a different culture. From what we do know, has not left me to enthused either. To summarize it briefly and discretely, there will be a high lack of sanitation, this is not appealing to me at all. 

I already don't enjoy this course, not so much the content as I have grown so much in my knowledge. However entering this year I was more focused and excited for friendships and relationships, and I just don't feel like I belong there. I look different and act different, same beliefs but seemingly differing everything else. 

So, I don't know what to do. My rock is that I really do not want to go overseas, get these needles and go without any idea of where I am going or what I will be doing, however my hard place, is that I still need to pay for it, even if I don't go, and I possibly won't pass the course without this trip, which is a substantial amount of money down the drain, which could not be put on hex. I'm only a student and my parents have been financially assisting me, and I hate putting that burden on them. 

I just need an outsiders opinion and possible guidance to what I should do, I hate where I'm at and have never felt more anxious and overwhelmed in my life, but this whole situation is filled with anxiety.

Appreciate the help xx

[AGrace]

Hi,

Welcome to the forums, I'm glad that you chose to come here an post your query and share your thoughts and worries.

Firstly I wanted to ask what course are you doing?

Is there a tutor or course counsellor that you could speak with about your concerns? It doesn't seem right that you are paying for a trip that you know nothing about, and that you don't really want to go on. It would be good to outline this to your tutor. Uni's and colleges are businesses and you are the paying customer. When we study I think we always feel like we have to do what we're told, but in fact if you're not happy with something then you, as the customer, have a right to voice your concerns and get some advice.

In terms of your Anxiety, is it only about the trip and needles, or has the Anxiety been around for a lot longer? Are you seeking treatment for this? There are medications that you can take to ease your anxiety, particularly before you have an injection, have you inquired about this?

Despite the trip, are you really enjoying the course? Are you able to at least defer from the course for a short while until you can get yourself in a better mind frame and work out if the course is still something for you? Have you spoken with your parents about your concerns?

I can really understand where you're coming from. A couple of years ago my Psychologist recommended for me to start studying again to give me things to fill my spare time (I was already working full time). In the beginning I thought this was a great idea and I threw myself into my degree. I started of getting Distinctions and High Distinctions and I thought my Psychologist had been right about her advice. 

4 months into the degree and my anxiety and depression peaked. I felt like I couldn't work, let alone study, but I was too embarrassed to admit it to anyone. I soldiered on and struggled in silence. One day it all got too much and I was ready to just give up. I spoke to the university coordinator and told him what was going on. He suggested I get a medical certificate to state that I needed to withdraw from the course. I did this and ended up not having any fees to pay. Now I look back and wonder why I even chose that degree in the first place, it wasn't even something that I wanted to pursue as a career. The point is that you also have a right to change your mind about something.

Let us know your thoughts.

AGrace