Young people

A space for people aged 12-25 to discuss life. If you’re over 25, please be mindful that this is a space for younger people to connect.

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romantic_thi3f Eeep! When study is overwhelming! - Tips, ideas and coping strategies
  • replies: 51

Hi! Just thought I’d make a post with some tips for study. I know this is something we can all struggle with. These are all suggestions so feel free to take them or leave them! Hope they help! If you only remember one thing, let it be this: You are i... View more

Hi! Just thought I’d make a post with some tips for study. I know this is something we can all struggle with. These are all suggestions so feel free to take them or leave them! Hope they help! If you only remember one thing, let it be this: You are important. Your grades don’t define you. (support) Studying can feel isolating but know you’re not alone! Reach out – and find or make friends that can support you along the way. If you’re having trouble finding some friends, join some local communities or clubs! They have lots at Uni’s and even stuff like open days are great ways to meet new people and find out what’s happening. Study groups can also be a great way to meet people and stay motivated. Also remind yourself why you’re doing this; inspirational wallpapers or quotes can be super inspiring. Remember the saying about the oxygen mask? If you can’t take care of yourself first studying will be harder. You are important. You know the drill - water, food, exercise, sleep. Try to stay calm. Stuff that might be able to help include mindfulness, breathing exercises, colouring in, going for walks, journaling, listening to music… If you’re struggling – reach out. See a therapist. Talk to your student counsellor. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Also lots of Universities and TAFE offer disability services – which includes conditions like Depression and Anxiety. (study) Find the right study space for you. Maybe that’s in your room, or a coffee shop, or the library. Some people find that noise helps; other people not so much. If you like particular kinds of noise, you can find ‘coffee shop’ noise or ‘rain sounds’ to help concentrate. Make a plan. It helps to do it often so it becomes a habit. Anytime you get a due date, write it down. Maybe you could use a diary, planner, bullet journal or an app. I find the 30/30 App helpful - study for a bit and then break for a bit. You can also get add-on’s for your computer to block sites like Facebook if you find them too distracting. Find out what study technique works for you. Do you like cue cards? Mind maps? Colour coding? Does highlighting stuff help you remember? Charts, maps, diagrams? Recorded lectures? Goals! These are so important – not just writing down deadlines but rewarding yourself for meeting them. Even making smaller goals like ‘read two pages from a textbook’ can help. Break it down into bite size pieces, and don’t forget to reward yourself after!

Sophie_M NEW TO THIS FORUM? Please read this first
  • replies: 0

The Young People space is a sub-forum within the wider Beyond Blue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss anxiety, depression and other related life issues. If you are aged over 25, please be mindfu... View more

The Young People space is a sub-forum within the wider Beyond Blue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss anxiety, depression and other related life issues. If you are aged over 25, please be mindful that this forum is a space for younger people to connect and provide peer support for each other. 2. Content from this sub-forum is displayed on both the beyondblue and youthbeyondblue websites. 3. Please bear in mind that some members find content relating to suicide and/or self-harm distressing or triggering. If you would like to post on these topics, please do so in our Suicidal Thoughts and Self Harm section. Please see also our guidelines for making posts on this topic. Posts made here in the Young People sub-forum containing content relating to suicide and/or self-harm will be moved. 4. These forums are moderated, so your posts may not appear straightaway. Information on how our system works can be found here. Being familiar with our community rules can help ensure that your posts appear online as quickly as possible. 5. This is a peer support community, and to get the best out of being here we recommend that you 'give support to receive support'. More on how that works here.

All discussions

Vince2795 Sad Clown
  • replies: 13

Hello my name is Vince and I am new to the forum. I am a law student in my 20's living on campus and have recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety. Despite having a large network of friends I can't seem to connect with anyone or let anyone kno... View more

Hello my name is Vince and I am new to the forum. I am a law student in my 20's living on campus and have recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety. Despite having a large network of friends I can't seem to connect with anyone or let anyone know how I am really feeling. Instead I put on facade where I am always happy and trying to make my friends laugh, but feeling lonely and miserable on the inside. I keep telling myself I am a complete loser that will always be lonely, that I will never find a girlfriend, have anyone that cares about me, and that the only reason my friends hang around me at the moment is because I am a source of entertainment for them. I tell myself that the minute I try and reach out my friends will see me as a mope or moody person and will no longer want me around, so whats the point of trying? I'm getting good marks at uni and enjoy my degree but I can't even see the point of continuing if I am still going to be a loser at the end of it. I have run out of reasons to get out of bed and get to class, work, or socialize, not matter what I do I am still going to be that guy who is only as good as his forced smile. Even my family see me as a weirdo and only tolerate me because I am at uni doing something with my life. I hate the fact I am wasting space on this forum with my mediocre problems, and for that I apologize, but I need to get this off my chest.

Bec1994 Newbie
  • replies: 3

Hi all, don't really know what to say.. I've had major depression and anxiety for around 9 years, I self harmed from when I was 12 to only last year (18). I always just saw it as depression and anxiety, but after starting a recent unit at uni (I'm do... View more

Hi all, don't really know what to say.. I've had major depression and anxiety for around 9 years, I self harmed from when I was 12 to only last year (18). I always just saw it as depression and anxiety, but after starting a recent unit at uni (I'm doing Psychology) I've been wondering more if its Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was molested as a child by my godfather when i was 7, He was charged but never convicted after i told my parents when I was 10, He had also raped one of my older sisters and a family friends daughter. I always knew this was the cause of my depression and anxiety, that and the changes to the family dynamics and lack of support. I guess I kinda want to know what people that have been diagnosed with PTSD have done to overcome it, and how they went about getting diagnosed. I've been to see a phsychologist a few times, but i generally get to nervous about it that i talk myself out of going and dont show up, But i recently did confess my depression and self harm to my family, and they have been incredibly supportive. I appreciate any advice in advance, Thanks

serendipity Public education on mental health
  • replies: 7

Hello there, I'm a year 12 student with four months left of high school. In the last six years mental illness has touched me and my friends in a way that I can't forget. In particular, I've a friend who has Borderline Personality Disorder. For the mo... View more

Hello there, I'm a year 12 student with four months left of high school. In the last six years mental illness has touched me and my friends in a way that I can't forget. In particular, I've a friend who has Borderline Personality Disorder. For the most part of last year (when we were in year 11) the situation was on a knife edge. Her multiple suicide attempts and overdoses made it hard to deal with the surface stuff e.g: the pressure and stress that already come with VCE. I think the last straw was really September last year when she publicly announced a suicide note on facebook with all of our names tagged in it, and then went missing. They found her at Flinders Street station, unharmed. After that she was un-enrolled from school because she was too ill. Nonetheless life has been much better for us all since last year, as there is a degree of distance and we know that the right people are looking after her.She is now at TAFE but she is by no means out of struggle street yet. She made another suicide attempt last week. In any case, that isn't what I'm here to talk about. For months after this incident I have wanted to speak publicly and educate the school community about mental health. However, I haven't had much luck at all. You see, not long after what happened to our friend and right before the end of year exams, a boy in the year above us committed suicide. It was tragic; really horrible. At the funeral I couldn't help but feel angry that something like this had to happen before people realised the implications of depression and mental illnesses. It could have been my friend. It could have been anybody in our school community. At the beginning of 2013 I tried to organise a chapel presentation but we were barred from speaking. I know that the school community was and is still grieving, but that is all the more reason why I wanted to bring the topic of mental health to the fore of discussion. The school prefers to deal with it in more subtle ways - they are constantly informing us of the benefits of "mindfulness" and caring for each other. I'm also aware that a lot of work is done under the radar with students who have mental health needs. I think that all of these measures are great, and I'm also very much aware of how mental illness can be quite a sensitive topic - but surely there is a place for public discussion of mental health with student initiative? I guess I'm asking you all a question. Is mental illness better tackled on a less public level? The teachers and admin were trying to protect us from any implications that could have resulted from our public address. They told us that schools consist of a whole range of age groups, with different stages of development and needs, and we can't afford to risk anyone taking our message 'the wrong way". I can appreciate that, but in each of these demographics there are people who are suffering. Surely there are people out there who are in the same situation as my friends and I were, but with no knowledge of what to do? there is so much that I wish that i knew, in retrospect, about how better to take care of myself and my friends. I wish I could tell others about my experiences, so that they perhaps don't feel so alone. How could one address a school publicly about mental health from a student's perspective? I have talked to those in school authority and I've made a bit of headway, but somehow i don't feel it is enough. The Head of Wellbeing says that he is trying to get in a speaker from Beyond Blue this year, but with school bureaucracy and tight schedules it is more likely to be next year. I suppose this is still a positive thing, because even if i'm not there to see the benefits, I'm leaving a legacy of sorts. Also, the school psychologist ( who actually knows me very well now....) wants me to help out with "mindfulness sessions", the details of which I'm not too sure about, but we're meeting on Wednesday to catch up and hopefully discuss it. Overall, these measures are very good, but I still feel like my purpose hasn't been fulfiled. I feel like there is no student involvement, because they don't trust our initiative regarding these matters and because we are young and inexperienced. Perhaps the Head of Wellbeing would have organised a speaker without my input. Perhaps the school psychologist doesn't really need my help with these sessions and the ministry centre is just trying to appease me so that i will shut up about it. I try not to think about it in that way, though. I want to speak publicly, somewhere, somehow. i have a voice and a story, and words coming from a fellow peer perhaps are more pertinent than somebody a little older. I don't know, maybe my needs are also personal. I need people to know that what happened was real, and I want them to understand what it was like so that if they are ever confronted with a situation like that, or if they ever see a situation like that from the outside, perhaps they will be able to empathise a little better. Generally I just want to know the consensus of how to go about mental health education on a public scale . I think I came to the right website to get that kind of information. I want to know if there is even a small way I could impact my school community in a positive way before I graduate, or even after I graduate. I feel like I've left unfinished business that i can't just ignore.

PJBall Stuck..
  • replies: 2

Hey, im new on here and posting/venting my life on the net.. but anyway. I'm 22.. some days i feel like im 20 years older. I always thought there is a light at the end of the tunnel with anything negative that has came into my life. I haven't seen a ... View more

Hey, im new on here and posting/venting my life on the net.. but anyway. I'm 22.. some days i feel like im 20 years older. I always thought there is a light at the end of the tunnel with anything negative that has came into my life. I haven't seen a doctor or anything to see what is exactly wrong with me.. and im too scared to explain to my parents(or closer relatives) on how i have been feeling lately. About 2 years ago i was in my first ever relationship, i reckon it was the only time where i felt happy in my whole entire life, but in the same week of knowing she cheated on me.. i lost my job..and the worst part, i lost a very close friend in a car crash. Ever since then i never thought i'll be happy ever again, there was a time where i jumped in my car and went to close my eyes after speeding on the highway and hope it'll all end, but i have knocked my senses back into place and avoided doing that and went back doing what i always love doing, which is writing and performing music. So within the duration of 2012 i have composed atleast 2 albums of material.. and after a bad storm, i have lost every bit i had due to a power surge... anyway.... moving on. The reason why i always feel like s%$t is that i live in a very SMALL town.. and my ex girlfriend lives like 3 doors down from me.. so no matter what i always end up seeing her everyday. She cheated on me for one of my best mates i knew since i was 11 years old. They currently split up now as of a few months ago. Its just stupid how i can get so emotional about how much i miss the feeling of the whole thing. i tried running away but i always end up coming back. I don't really have "friends" in town... I suppose everyone around here gets hit with the whole "small town syndrome" treatment. But with me i don't spread rumours and other "chinese whisper" like matters like butter on toast... Sometimes when i make plans with someone, it'll be all sweet ready to go then very last minute they'll say "ohh nah, family issues" and they end up being elsewhere... every time, and that kills me. Back in Feb. of this year i got charged for the first time ever, for a high range PCA whilst in the vehicle (at a showground where i was sleeping and i had keys on me..). This is the actually closed a chapter of my high drinking habits from the past, i enjoy a drink here and there if im with family and such... but not every day like i use to... and especially starting at 8am. i was really terrible. Really raised concern within the family. Not being able to get out of this town permanently for a while is killing me. Is there any suggestions i should do to take my mind of things without "going over the top" and having to think about necking myself thinking i am not good for anyone. Thank you!

Beth_t Does he love me or not?
  • replies: 3

So I'm 18 years old and am currently completing my VCE as I am in year 12. in 2010 I began talking to a guy. We became friends and I later discovered he had depression. The times that he became worse I was with him all the way, I helped him get the h... View more

So I'm 18 years old and am currently completing my VCE as I am in year 12. in 2010 I began talking to a guy. We became friends and I later discovered he had depression. The times that he became worse I was with him all the way, I helped him get the help he needed and he started to get better. We began dating in may of 2011 and broke up a few months later only to get back together in October. A couple of weeks before his 18th birthday with is in may, this year he started to become depressed again and this time it was much worse. On the 29th of may he was not thinking straight and dumped me. Although leading up to this time he was starting to push me away by saying that 'I don't love him' and 'I don't need him' and as well as 'I needed to find someone better'. Of course this hurt and I kinda pushed him to dump me but I did not expect that he would. I haven't been coping well that much, as I miss him a lot. It feels like he is sending me mixed messages and its confusing me. He says he can't feel anything towards the people he loved including me, so he doesn't know whether he will ever love me again or get back together with me. i guess what I'm asking is, whether he still does love me deep down and will want to be with me again and keep me in his life? Or whether his feelings for me are completely gone? Will the person I love come back to me? i would really appreciate your help, thanks

fuzzyupguru Severe Depression, Cyclothymia, Bipolar, and Anxeity.
  • replies: 1

I don't know where to start or what to say. But here I go. I'm Victoria. I have had severe depression, cyclothymia, bipolar and anxeity since the start of last year. The start of the new year, 2013 I decided to tell a few of my friends. They didn't c... View more

I don't know where to start or what to say. But here I go. I'm Victoria. I have had severe depression, cyclothymia, bipolar and anxeity since the start of last year. The start of the new year, 2013 I decided to tell a few of my friends. They didn't care. But I shouldn't of told them because they hate me anyway. I'm starting to waste my life away with the same routine, walk up, go to school, eat, sleep, go on internet, sleep, eat, sleep. I need help. I feel empty and lonely. Please help me. ;-;

iTHINK88 My Intro.....
  • replies: 2

Hello Everyone I am excited to say; a) I am a newbie &.. b) This is my first post on this. Depression & myself have gone hand in hand on & off for the past 2 years. Up until 3 months ago anxiety/panic attacks started. My first attack was 'the' worst ... View more

Hello Everyone I am excited to say; a) I am a newbie &.. b) This is my first post on this. Depression & myself have gone hand in hand on & off for the past 2 years. Up until 3 months ago anxiety/panic attacks started. My first attack was 'the' worst experience of my life & lasted for well over 12 hours coming & going. I didnt know how to handle it or what to do.I It only stopped when eventually i fell asleep. One thing it enabled me to do was take comfort in my family, leaning on them which i normally find difficult. When it comes to showing my feelings i just cant show it, I am outspoken but just in my head. Im not even sure if i have a fear of crowds, I can speak to a room with 100 people in it, Put me at a bar with 6 people and you may not even hear a beep? For the time being my outspoken mind can't even show my real name, So just call me iTHINK and know that i am a 25yo male. My third attack happened on a Friday night at around 3:30am, Having learnt more about the condition i found myself less confused about what to do. Keep in mind the pain & everything else was still happening. But being able to be decisive in a situation like that allowed me to find the number to BeyondBlue where a lady by the name of Emma helped me. She kept me company for about an hour and suggested i take a look at this forum, another great call Emma! I may or may not be in the early stages of anxiety, but like alot of people on this forum say, you just have to accept it as a part of you. Im not on any medication & dont intend on it aswell as not seeing any psych atm, but i am thinking about seeing someone. For the time being i just try smile (sometimes i dont even need to try & keep a positive outlook about myself. There a days when i think i have failed and its too late but then i remind myself "No such thing as failure in my eyes. To fail means you must have tried, found a way that didn't work and that in itself is success." Btw my name is Tony.

Mace feeling useless and its ruining my life
  • replies: 2

hey im not really sure where to start and im new to this concept of oppening up to anyone let alone posting my feelings online but i could really use some help and i appologise for any spelling mistakes and also for maybe writting so much but its bee... View more

hey im not really sure where to start and im new to this concept of oppening up to anyone let alone posting my feelings online but i could really use some help and i appologise for any spelling mistakes and also for maybe writting so much but its been a months of silence. I used to be a large kid like i was very overweight and i recieved a large amount of bullying at the start of highschool because of this, and its those words then that have made me fragile today i eventually bagan to play football (austalian rules football) when i was 15 i didnt get far in tha,t i snapped my ACL in my first game leaving me unable to walk or do any physical activity for 12 months, so in this time i began to put on extra weight making it even harder for me to fit in, i came back to play the next year and with playing the sport i found i was able to make friends and i evenutally lost alot of weight i got scouted and eventually started playing reserves football for my club at the age of 16 and i felt my life was looking up for me i was no longer bullied i eventually got my first girlfriend and it was looking great i met this girl on the 23rd of May we started talking and after 2 motnhs i asked her out on the 14th of july i know this may be seen as not a big deal to some but as a 16year old male at the time this to me was love and i still believe it is, i did everything i possibly could for this girl i spent $2000 on her, and keep in mind i still go to school and i work part time at a retail outlet where i earn an average of $80 a week but it was not about the money i took extra shifts at work such as night shifts meaning i would work for from 9pm till 9am i would then go from work straight to school just so i could spoil her, the relationship went great for the first 5 months i would spend all my weekends with her she would come see my football i became really close to her family as she did mine. After the 5th month part of the relationship things became apparant that it was slowly falling down hill she started spending less time with me and more time with all her friends and i was left to seeing her once a month if i was lucky i accepted that i never complained and i always let her see her friends i didnt want to cause any problems after 3 months of not seeing her i stood up for myself and it lead to an arguement resulting in me ending the relationship because i was feeling mistreated i would give her all my time and money and effort when she was always to busy to see me and to me i felt that was unfair to me, After the relationship had ended i went back to her house to regain some of my possesions such as jumpers and so forth i said she could keep all the gifts i had bought her, because they where hers, i also asked for some money she owed me which she has never repaid me but its not the money im really after, since this break up i have constantly thought about her and regretted everything to do with causing an arguement leading to this break up i have stop participating in my football meaning i have been dropped from the reserevs squad and also causing me to put on a large amount of weight which has bought some bullying back on to me, i have recently realised i spend my weekends drinking alcohol and doing this makes me someone i am not and i do not like the person i am becoming but it feels like its the only escape i have from this constant feeling of regret. The thing that hurts most about the breakup is the fact that she seems to not be bothered by the fact of me ending the relationship which hurts becaus i put in so much effort to make her feel special this constant feeling of worthlessnes has stopped me from focusing on my year 12 studies and it has really shifted my life i went from being so high in life with my sport and my studies to being noone with no will to go on i used to be such an energetic person i was loud and always happy i was a glass half full kind of person nothing ever bothered me, but since this break up i am a miserable heap who has no passion for anything or anyone. thankyou and i once again apologise for writting so much and i know it may not seem like anything to be upset about but its been eating away at me for months now and i cant carry on much longer...

Rebeccasarah96 I just don't know what to do anymore.
  • replies: 2

I'm new to this, so really I do not know how it works. Im 17, trying to cope with the pressures of OP subjects as well as many out of school crap. My brother is 22 this year, and he was born with Asperger spectrum disorder. I'm not completely sure wh... View more

I'm new to this, so really I do not know how it works. Im 17, trying to cope with the pressures of OP subjects as well as many out of school crap. My brother is 22 this year, and he was born with Asperger spectrum disorder. I'm not completely sure what it is, but he has episodes where he will yell and scream, he threatens to hurt others and kill himself. He will throw things, put holes in things, hurt people. We have had police and ambulance around many times to take him to the mental section of the hospital. I have had to witness horrific things in my childhood, and so had my 14 year old brother. We have had to lock ourselves in a room and listen to him pushing my parents around, the sound of screaming, crying, banging, and crashing still haunt me. He has never hurt me, I am the only one who can talk to him, but I am still absolutely terrified of him. One day I had a little party at my mothers while she was away. I went for a walk and when I came back, my brother was there with a goon bag. He seemed fine, and I wanted to trust him being there with us. I aloud him to drink with us. My friends all eventually went home except two. It was just me, my two friends and my brother. He was highly intoxicated at this stage, and so were we. He began to become greatly agitated and stupid. I tried to get him out. He grabbed mums keys and tried to drive out, I sat on the bonit to prevent him, he still tried to drive with me sitting on the car. My mate pulled me off and tried to take the keys off him. I ran down the street to cry and breath. I remember turning around and my brother was threatening my friend. I ran back and pushed them apart and screamed at him to leave. My friend ran away and my brother followed. I was left worried about what was going to happen to them both. I eventually found my friend and just broke down on the ground hyper ventilating. We went home, i though it was over. I sat on my lounge room floor crying "I can't do this any more . Then my brother walked in, he told me he was sorry and that he was going to kill himself. I said, you go I go. Until he told me he wouldn't. Than he left. By this stage we were all a mess. My other friend than decided to write us both suicide letters than run out of the house. I ran outside and screamed at the top of my luyngs "JESSE, GO GET JESS, SHE WANTS TO KILL HERSELF" we both bolted down the street and around the block, i collapsed. Dropped to the ground, i couldn't breath. I was done. I tried to scream for help but no one heard me. I got to them and we all cried on the side of the road. Than the worst came, my brother had the car, and i saw him going as fast as the car possibly could towards a building, that was it, i jumped in front of the car. if he was going I was coming with. My friend pulled me by the arm and i fell in his lap, punching him screaming "Let me die, I just want to die, I cant do this any more . Jesse called the police immediately My brother stopped and came to us, i went belistic at him, I said get home now and wait for me. I convinced him police were not coming. When they arrived I simply said "I'm sorry". He ran out the back door down the street, i screamed to police he went out the back, get him. I walked out the back and fell on the road, Jesse told the police to get me to the hospital, call an ambulance, she has been hyperventilating all night. They thought I was fine. The police finally got him. That night all that went through my mind was death, that's all I wanted. My friends screamed at me, and shook me "Get out of this faze, stop bec, come back". They put me to bed, and I woke up the next day the same. I told my parents everything, they thought I was fine. I was depressed before this but after this night, I was suicidal. I also have issues with mum. She has had numerous relationships since she divorced my father when i was 4. Each one is different, one had epilepsy, some were abusive to my brothers, one was a pervert, an alcoholic, and others just regular men. I was over it. Her latest is 22 years older than her. I went on holiday with him, my mum and little brother. I had just found out my grandmother had parkinsons disease. The whole holiday i argued with mum, over not wanting her boyfriend to spend money on me, not to cause a scene in a 5 star restaurant, and the final one was i wasn't going to finish dinner. This argument caused her to go off, than her boyfriend did. He got right in my face and screamed "your a selfish little bitch, stop treating your mother like shit" I just replied with "Your not my f**king father". I ran to my room and broke down on the phone to my dad. My mum aloud it and agreed with him. I heard him bitching to her about me to my mum, "she's a little princess" (sarcasticly). I grabbed my shoes and ran away. I ran through a dark forest to the beach. Fell to the ground screaming, i knew no one could hear me. She knew I was depressed yet she aloud me to feel like that. I came back and didn't speak to any more that night, the next day, or even for weeks. She than moved in with him. She had only knew him for 3 months and once again he was priority number 1. My depression had become really bad and for months my treatment was postponed. My dad has had to pay for school, doctors, and other necessities. He is my hero. My brother stopped talking to me for 4 months, apparently i tried to get him sent to jail. My bestfriend blocked me out of his life for no good reason. My other bestfriend found her boyfriend more important, and I was fighting with my stepsister who was one of my closest people. I was so alone, I couldn't talk to my dad, or little brother because the advice wasn't helping. I sat in my room in the dark every night and cried for a couple of weeks. My concentration dropped, and is still really bad today. The stress of trying to pass school with OP, and teachers breathing down my neck, makes everything worse. I run out of classes crying. I can't deal with it any more I have close friends I can talk to now, but with my mental thinking I don't want to worry them or annoy them, so I keep everything to myself. I have been on anti-depressants for a month, they aren't working. They make me feel mentally awkward. I can't be around people. Im so behind at school and I know I have 6 months left of school forever, but these will be the hardest to go. Everyday I scare myself and everyone around me, I do not want to be here any more I want it to be the future already, out of school, my own career, away from everything bringing me down. I know people may not read this, but my doctor thought it was a smart idea. It may not help, but I want to know I'm not alone. If you spent the time, to read this, thank you.

Lyssa Just a little about me...
  • replies: 2

Hi, I promised my friends and myself that I would attempt to communicate on these forums so here goes. When I was teenager I was sad at least 99% of the time, I have these clear memories of me getting home from school then laying underneath my bed an... View more

Hi, I promised my friends and myself that I would attempt to communicate on these forums so here goes. When I was teenager I was sad at least 99% of the time, I have these clear memories of me getting home from school then laying underneath my bed and crying for hours at a time. My family classed this as “just being a teenager” and ignored it for the most part. The problem is that I am now 23 and regular bouts of melancholy/depression/overall worthlessness continue. I had about a year of being happy and feeling “normal” when I was about 19 (coinciding with making a lot of friends at college and having a boyfriend). However this time was short lived and I have been depressed most days for over two years now but have stonily refused to communicate about it. Things hit an all time low last year when my boyfriend broke up with me saying it was “so tiring” that he could never convince me I was beautiful and loved. I was also quite heavy at that time so self esteem was at an all time low and the break up turned the whole thing into a nasty cocktail of negative emotion. I have since started exercising regularly (lost all the weight!) and still keep in contact with my ex-boyfriend and we are on pretty good terms. However, even with this I STILL feel depressed most of the time and my weight loss has backfired to the point where I constantly obsess about my current weight. I have recently started a PhD since academia has always been one of my strengths but a lot of the work is stuff I do at home which means I have little regular social contact. The friends that made my college years so enjoyable don’t seem to have time/want to spend time with me so loneliness is a very dominating feeling. It has now gotten to the point where I have a paper due in a few days and I am not going to get it finished in time (something I have NEVER had a problem with). I often find myself wishing I wasn’t around anymore since I contribute so little to the world and the people I know but I quickly dismiss the idea of killing myself as being too untidy. So I’m kind of at a loss of how to improve my situation. The only person who wants to spend time with me is my ex-boyfriend who (while we are good friends) he is tied up with a lot of anxious feelings of the past and the prospect of him dating other people is still not something I enjoy thinking about. So that’s my story, for those of you who read it I really appreciate it J. I know I may not get a reply to this but hopefully the act of posting this will be therapeutic in itself.