I just want support?

[sanaracats]

So I'm writing this just to get a little support from people. I don't know what to do. I know there is something wrong with me, but I'm just too afraid to talk about it to anyone. I feel so hopeless and worthless, and I feel like I have no one(even though i know I do). I feel like I'm letting everyone down when I'm really not doing anything to let them down with. I hate waking up in the mornings, and I get very little sleep during the night. I've always been like that, but for as long as I can remember I've always felt like this. I used to self harm, and I've just recently started again. Like i know its not going to help me, but I just cant help it.

With the whole feeling worthless and stuff, I know I'm not. I know I mean a lot to people like my family and friends, but I just cant move the feeling. I've always pushed people away, and never told anyone what goes on in this head of mine. I just can't physically or mentally talk to people about what troubles me. So talking to a doctor or psychiatrist is out of the picture. Getting real help is out of the picture, just cause it goes with the whole "talking about my feelings" thing. 

Honestly, this is the first time I have ever called out for help with this. Its getting to the point where I'm just going to give up. And I don't want too. Can someone give me any advise or anything? Please? 😞

[Neil_1]

Hi there Sanaracats

Welcome to Beyond Blue and may I say, “Major kudos to you for coming here and posting this”.  That can take a lot of effort and you sometimes never know what to write, how to write and whether people will read.  Out of those three things, may I just say that for the last one, the people who post on this site WILL read and from that you will receive responses back, advice as you’ve asked 🙂 and above all, you’ll receive support from the kind folk from here.  

You said you’re at a point where you want to give up, but you don’t want too.  And yep, I can see that so clearly … because you’ve come here to post, but also with other things that you’ve written;  it is clear that you’re NOT going to give up.  We’ve got lots of potential to work with here Sanaracats  🙂  

You have posted and wrote a few things, but you haven’t gone into too much detail about anything – and hey, that’s totally fine and good.  There is absolutely no pressure here on anyone – people will open up to different levels;  some a lot, some a little, some hardly at all – makes no difference here as we treat everyone the same and the support given to everyone is strong.  

You have said though that you aren’t one for talking about your feelings – do you think you could type them out?   Say in an email to yourself or just on a word document – take some time out and perhaps start with dot points for the feelings you feel – and perhaps any issues/concerns that affect you.  You can make it as detailed as you want, because if it only is ever to be read by one person (you) then you can really go for it.  

Self-harming is not a good thing and the other thing that isn’t good is having all this to cope with by yourself.  When someone’s got a whole bunch of issues and feelings bottled inside my feeling is that it can only be detrimental to that person – as things will just continue to become worse and the issues will build upon themselves, they’ll become bigger and there will be others added as well.  

This sounds like you’ve been battling this for some time now – you’ve made your first positive step by coming to this website and posting.  Your next BIG positive step is to track down a GP – please hear me out with this.  If you’re not sure about GP’s, on this website there is a listing of GP’s who are fully trained to deal with mental health issues and so they can be searched for and hopefully find one or more in your local area.  I do hope that you can make this appointment – and hey, if you feel uncomfortable about talking too much – why not take along your typed out list?  Or a more precise version of it, so you can either read your feelings/issues out or just give it to them so they can work it through with you together?? 

Like the people on this website, I would be very strong in my view that those GP’s will not judge anyone and will be just there to totally support and give appropriate advice for you.  

Sanaracats, I so hope that something that I’ve written above gels with you and above all else, it’d be great to hear back from you.  

Kind regards  

 Neil

[White_Rose]

Hello Sanaracats

It's an intriguing name you are using.  Does it have any particular meaning?

Neil has written some good stuff to you, especially about writing down your feelings.  It's a process that many people use and find tremendously helpful.  Writing to yourself lets you say what you want without anyone else listening.  And as Neil says, if you feel like it later on you can give the writing to your GP for discussion and that will break the ice.  I still write down what I want to say because I often 'forget' some of the stuff that bothers me. 

You managed to write into BB and you explained your difficulty very well.  So take this as a good first attempt.  Also think of it as a good reason to stop self-harming.  If you start talking to your doctor you can stop self-harming, and talking may turn out to be more comfortable.

Talking can take a great deal of courage and determination, but you have demonstrated that you have these qualities.  Write down the reasons for and against talking to someone and see which comes out on top.

Let us know how you go.

Warm regards

White Rose