Coming into this site and posting is very hard for me. One of the reasons is that my thoughts have lately become more and more disorganized. Another reason is that I am afraid that someone I know will read this.
I have been diagnosed with depression when I was 21, 2 years ago. I have a history of contemplating about suicide, but have never had the nerve to go through with it because I don't want my family (particularly my mom) to blame themselves for it. I am scared that one of these days, I would choose death over my love for my family.
Last year, I was able to be more active and happy, but I have noticed that these past few months have me going back into the darkness of depression. I want to talk to my family and friends about it but my friends and father don't understand and write it off as me being dramatic, while my mother would just blame herself and say that she was a bad person, making me feel even worse. I have tried talking to a counselor before, but my mother would get angry if I share anything that would be considered damaging to what she thinks her image as a mother is. I feel that posting here is the best option for me at the moment. Has anyone else had a similar situation to mine, wherein they could not ask for professional help and have had nobody in their close circle to talk to? I feel very hopeless at the moment, but any advice on how to cope would be very much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
