Young people

A space for people aged 12-25 to discuss life. If you’re over 25, please be mindful that this is a space for younger people to connect.

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romantic_thi3f Eeep! When study is overwhelming! - Tips, ideas and coping strategies
  • replies: 51

Hi! Just thought I’d make a post with some tips for study. I know this is something we can all struggle with. These are all suggestions so feel free to take them or leave them! Hope they help! If you only remember one thing, let it be this: You are i... View more

Hi! Just thought I’d make a post with some tips for study. I know this is something we can all struggle with. These are all suggestions so feel free to take them or leave them! Hope they help! If you only remember one thing, let it be this: You are important. Your grades don’t define you. (support) Studying can feel isolating but know you’re not alone! Reach out – and find or make friends that can support you along the way. If you’re having trouble finding some friends, join some local communities or clubs! They have lots at Uni’s and even stuff like open days are great ways to meet new people and find out what’s happening. Study groups can also be a great way to meet people and stay motivated. Also remind yourself why you’re doing this; inspirational wallpapers or quotes can be super inspiring. Remember the saying about the oxygen mask? If you can’t take care of yourself first studying will be harder. You are important. You know the drill - water, food, exercise, sleep. Try to stay calm. Stuff that might be able to help include mindfulness, breathing exercises, colouring in, going for walks, journaling, listening to music… If you’re struggling – reach out. See a therapist. Talk to your student counsellor. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Also lots of Universities and TAFE offer disability services – which includes conditions like Depression and Anxiety. (study) Find the right study space for you. Maybe that’s in your room, or a coffee shop, or the library. Some people find that noise helps; other people not so much. If you like particular kinds of noise, you can find ‘coffee shop’ noise or ‘rain sounds’ to help concentrate. Make a plan. It helps to do it often so it becomes a habit. Anytime you get a due date, write it down. Maybe you could use a diary, planner, bullet journal or an app. I find the 30/30 App helpful - study for a bit and then break for a bit. You can also get add-on’s for your computer to block sites like Facebook if you find them too distracting. Find out what study technique works for you. Do you like cue cards? Mind maps? Colour coding? Does highlighting stuff help you remember? Charts, maps, diagrams? Recorded lectures? Goals! These are so important – not just writing down deadlines but rewarding yourself for meeting them. Even making smaller goals like ‘read two pages from a textbook’ can help. Break it down into bite size pieces, and don’t forget to reward yourself after!

Sophie_M NEW TO THIS FORUM? Please read this first
  • replies: 0

The Young People space is a sub-forum within the wider Beyond Blue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss anxiety, depression and other related life issues. If you are aged over 25, please be mindfu... View more

The Young People space is a sub-forum within the wider Beyond Blue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss anxiety, depression and other related life issues. If you are aged over 25, please be mindful that this forum is a space for younger people to connect and provide peer support for each other. 2. Content from this sub-forum is displayed on both the beyondblue and youthbeyondblue websites. 3. Please bear in mind that some members find content relating to suicide and/or self-harm distressing or triggering. If you would like to post on these topics, please do so in our Suicidal Thoughts and Self Harm section. Please see also our guidelines for making posts on this topic. Posts made here in the Young People sub-forum containing content relating to suicide and/or self-harm will be moved. 4. These forums are moderated, so your posts may not appear straightaway. Information on how our system works can be found here. Being familiar with our community rules can help ensure that your posts appear online as quickly as possible. 5. This is a peer support community, and to get the best out of being here we recommend that you 'give support to receive support'. More on how that works here.

All discussions

Mr_J "come get pissed" at midday on a saturday..... No thanks
  • replies: 1

Hi, New person here. So for the last 2 years i've been drifting away from my old friends because they're all addicted to getting drunk and going out. These guys do nothing but party and drink on weekend nights. I can tolerate small amounts of time wi... View more

Hi, New person here. So for the last 2 years i've been drifting away from my old friends because they're all addicted to getting drunk and going out. These guys do nothing but party and drink on weekend nights. I can tolerate small amounts of time with them, but the only time i really see them now is when i feel i want to have a drink (once a month or so) The point of that ^ is that i decided to move. I'm moving countries, don't know where yet. I'll decide on the day. Friends think i'm going on a holiday, family knows and supports the idea. So when you're friends aren't working and things aren't right, go do something you really want to do. I want to travel and meet people with ambition and talent, not drunks and party goers, well i do but not every weekend I'll party if it's your 21st and it's a great party. I know someone will read this and say, "hey, my friends all do that and i'm getting damn bored". Dw i know so many of my friends say it, but the constant drinking problem in Australia is so bad. It's just dumb. But i was friends with them at school and it's now hard for me to meet people outside of that in my area. Moral of the story. Be true to yourself, enjoy your time on this blue planet. I love being alone sometimes, i listen to soundtracks from movies and smile or cry, whichever happens i feel happier after. Find time to love yourself, being alone isn't that bad, you get time to reflect on all the amazing things that have happened throughout your life. And if you're finding it hard to find amazing things to remember, than it's time to get off your butt and start making some J

Helenl How do I help my daughter who is very down
  • replies: 4

We have a 19 Year old daughter at Uni in the city. She is very lonely and does not like Uni. She lives in a block of flats where no one talks to each other. Lately she has become even more withdrawn and negative. She went to see a doctor for help abo... View more

We have a 19 Year old daughter at Uni in the city. She is very lonely and does not like Uni. She lives in a block of flats where no one talks to each other. Lately she has become even more withdrawn and negative. She went to see a doctor for help about four weeks ago. He suggested meds or a counsellor. She has seen the counsellor three times but has not liked him much. The third visit was on Thursday did not go well. She won't give details of why but she does not like breathing exercises etc. she sounds very low to us and is not responding to our texts and talking in monosyllables when we ring. Please what do we do. She sees little point in anything.

cristalm too long.
  • replies: 2

my name is Cristal ive been battling depression since I was 19 im now 25. From the ages of 18 to 21 I was in quite an abusive relationship he would lock me out of the house or throw my clothes in the front yard for me to pick up, this was just the be... View more

my name is Cristal ive been battling depression since I was 19 im now 25. From the ages of 18 to 21 I was in quite an abusive relationship he would lock me out of the house or throw my clothes in the front yard for me to pick up, this was just the beginning. As the relationship went on he started to get physical the occasional shove and even sometimes the odd slap. Things progressed from a slap to punch which coming from a male to quite a petite female would show no matter how hard I tried to hide it. I would go home from spending the weekend with him with a fat lip all because I wanted to do something not just stay home in a dingy smelly house. My mental health was spiralling out of control. I once was this carefree girl who was always smiling and full of confidence to this bare emotionless stranger, I had no idea who I had turned into. Since I ended it I have never been able to trust anyone, gender doesn't matter I just cant trust! I have sabotaged two relationships with a male who treated me nothing like my x did. But how can I get over it all? I have been seeing a psychologist for 12 months now and been taking anti depressents for 4 years and still nothing. is it something im doing wrong? im really at the end of it now and cant take much more.

jadeblack I really don't know where to put this or who to ask.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm jade. 19yo, I have many problems that I can't work out, the internet hasn't helped me in the slightest. The crux of this all, is that I have no idea whats wrong with me, I'm struggling with testosterone poisoning and in perpetual terror that ... View more

Hi, I'm jade. 19yo, I have many problems that I can't work out, the internet hasn't helped me in the slightest. The crux of this all, is that I have no idea whats wrong with me, I'm struggling with testosterone poisoning and in perpetual terror that my centerlink support is going to drop out from under me. I will sleep, 10 or twelve hours and my partner cannot get me up when I fall asleep; I miss a lot of school this way. I spend my every moment either incredibly upset at something for little reason or simply morose about my lot in life. People talking to me can even set it off. The rest of the time I'm worried about some facet of my life, most often Centrelink or school... Which having started on the 15th of the 7th I've been to one lesson of a 5 day p/week course, having left at the end of the first lesson, having broken into a cold sweat 5 minutes in, yet managed to stay for it, at least. I'm seriously struggling with body dysphoria, intertwined with the need to mutilate myself, but I've been stopped by the presence of my partner, mostly. Out of fear of retribution. I'm having immense problems absorbing new information; people explain how to do things to me and It's as if I can't process the words properly. I listen to every thing they say carefully, but forget even the most simple of new tasks. I'm always moody and slightly upset with my partner, shes never done anything wrong to me. But I simply can't help it. I have no motivational ability, I need food, clean clothes, to call people on the phone... but I can't, I put off eating for days sometimes, just because it would mean going out to buy food, which, is currently the only thing I enjoy, leaving bed is even a chore now. The idea of simply picking up the telephone to talk to someone, fills me with anxiety, I put it off for months when I can, I've gone without power for 8 days just to avoid talking to the power company, until my fish started to die off and my partner did it for me. I have constant sexual desire, not always erect, but I am constantly fantasizing. Trying to relieve this makes my sadness so much worse, often triggering a want to commit suicide. it may have some inception in that; I last for very much less then a minute during intercourse. I used to adore video games, but now I play them not because they're fun, they make me feel worse but, if I don't log in and sit at my desk for people to speak with me, that I'm totally worthless, don't deserve anything, that I'm not getting anything done and that I'm hurting the people I talk to there. I try to quit, but I have panic attacks that I'm letting everyone I know there down by my picture not being in the chat channels. I can't bring myself to clean often, when I can it's for afew minutes before I'm out of breath, angry and in a cold sweat. This means that my floor is covered in a mess of dirty clothes, papers and bottles. I don't need to be happy, I don't need to fix everything wrong its not worth me doing it but I need to be stable so I can try, but I don't know how to do that. I can't even pick up a phone to begin to ask people for help. Please help me.

amy41319 youth member of beyondblue
  • replies: 5

I'm Amy, 16 years old and I am struggling with depression, general anxiety disorder and a little bit of social anxiety. Each of those were beginning to surface at about 10 or 11 years old, so for about 6 or so years now I've been having problems. I e... View more

I'm Amy, 16 years old and I am struggling with depression, general anxiety disorder and a little bit of social anxiety. Each of those were beginning to surface at about 10 or 11 years old, so for about 6 or so years now I've been having problems. I enjoy watching tv shows, I watch far too many to name them all but my two favourites right now are Sherlock and Castle. After I finish high school I plan on studying to be a midwife, then later down the track I definitely would like to have a family of my own. My social anxiety isn't too bad, but some days are more worse than others. I wouldn't mind getting to know some people on here and share my experiences, as physically there aren't any people around me who quite understand.

apr123 Stressed
  • replies: 1

I'm 22 y.o. male, I am currently in my final semester of my final year of university. I have some history of what I was told was anxiety and I lack confidence. For the past 2 years I've been dealing with it whilst studying. This year I transferred to... View more

I'm 22 y.o. male, I am currently in my final semester of my final year of university. I have some history of what I was told was anxiety and I lack confidence. For the past 2 years I've been dealing with it whilst studying. This year I transferred to another degree not because I didn't like the one I was doing, but simply to avoid an aspect of it which I knew was going to cause me some anxiety. As a result I am now studying something I hate, but I feel pressure to complete it from both myself and others and I worry about what people will think of me if I do chuck it in. It is extremely frustrating for me, I feel like I am in a 'stuffed if I do, stuffed if I don't' type situation. I'm overwhemled by the pressures (whether they're real or perceived) to find a career, move out of home etc. Over the past few years I've stopped doing several things that I previously loved such as playing sport and I believe anxiety is at the core of it. Its held me back in the past and I'm worried it will continue to for the rest of my life and I will never achieve anything because of it. All I really want is to be happy! Welcome any advice.

Samantha11 A bit of help from anyone please :/
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone I really didn't know where else to turn to or who to talk to and I remembered beyond blue and found this forum and thought it might be the best place to start and get advice so if anyone has any thoughts it'd be much appreciated Not exact... View more

Hi everyone I really didn't know where else to turn to or who to talk to and I remembered beyond blue and found this forum and thought it might be the best place to start and get advice so if anyone has any thoughts it'd be much appreciated Not exactly sure where to start now haha Well a bit about me is that I'm 19 now and an only child and to just say it straight, I have no idea what's going on with me Every day just seems like such a chore and frankly, nearly every night I lie in bed pretty much hoping that I won't wake up because I don't want to deal with it all I can remember as far back as grade 6 when I thought my parents didn't love me or something because they'd always fight and argue. They still do argue quite a bit, and my dad has anger issues so when he gets angry he gets these fits where he loses control and hits anything and anyone around him. I don't think there's a single week where my parents don't argue and I didn't really tell anyone until I got into high school and I was telling one of my friends and a teacher overheard and told me I should speak to a counsellor. And so I went counselling throughout grade 7 and 8 and to be honest, it didn't help much at all. I used to write heaps - stories, essays, poems - and loved art! Basically, I loved studying because it was sort of a distraction from everything going on at home and yea I liked going to school because it wasn't home as well. There was one person I'd tell everything to though, my best friend who was also my age and I'd known him ever since we were little. He was pretty much my brother. In year 8, my parents made me sit a scholarship exam and I didn't want to because I liked my previous school and it gave me somewhere to be, but they told me I only had to sit the exam and that I could choose if I wanted to go or not. My parents focused on 'preparing' me for the exam so much so that my mum told me that she'd take poison if I didn't get in. Of course, I'm not sure if she meant it but it wasn't a risk I wanted to take either. Ultimately the whole 'choice' of going to the scholarship school didn't even come into play when I did get in and I went there for 4 years, not liking it one bit and asking to go back but they didn't let me. I kept writing to take my mind away from things and tried getting involved with cocurricular activities like I did at my old school but it was hard because everything was difficult at my new school! Everything was a competition and I hated it. Back at home, my parents would keep arguing and my mum tried running away but we stopped her, my dad continued to get fits and I didn't know what to do. So as much as I hate myself for it now, I turned to self harming, not because I wanted to end my life then I don't think, just because I felt like I was the problem and I hated myself and my life and everything. My mum would always say that they wouldn't be together if I wasn't alive and things like that which made me feel worse. At the end of year 10, I found out that my best friend was diagnosed with cancer and that was pretty much an all time low for me. But I went to the hospital every day I could and stayed with him and then one day his dad came up to me and told me I might not see him again. Just three months after he was diagnosed he passed away. I was an absolute wreck then because it was as if I'd lost what made me happy. I had school during that time so my parents still told me to go (after the funeral and everything) and I couldn't, just couldn't concentrate or talk without crying, and I had no idea how I was going to do two vce subjects the following year. Again, I was sent to the counsellor who told me I needed to see a psychologist so she told one to come in every week and I went to see her. And I told her quite a bit, and I guess it helped, although some of her methods like 'write down three things that made you happy every day' didn't help at all and I felt like I was lying through that. I spoke to her about my parents as well, by the time we got to talking about that it was the end of year 11. At the end of that, she straight out told me there wasn't much she could help me with so I was back to square one with how bummed I felt and I wasn't any happier. She didn't say I had anxiety or depression so I've always thought and still think that maybe it's none of that and it's something else which I'm not sure what it might be if it's even anything. At the end of year 12, I was somewhat excited because I thought maybe it was just a really long phase I was going through and uni would be different and everything would change. Now I'm in uni, and things are the same and there are so many times when I stop and think about whether I've actually ever been happy and what that even feels like. Like what does being 'happy' even mean? Because maybe I'm delusional and it's all in my head and everything's perfectly fine. So is it normal to day in and day out, not want to do this anymore? I tried talking to my parents about it and they shouted at me saying that I have everything I could want (yes I'll admit I am spoiled and have quite a lot of things other kids might want) and that I have no reason to be upset. I tried talking to my friend about it and he told me that everyone has problems at home and that I'm just being overdramatic. But am I? My dad was crying on the floor just last week, is that normal? I tried talking to them about getting a divorce but it's not something you do in their culture (and mine I guess) and I tried talking to my dad but he won't open up to me, he just said there's something wrong with him and he's going to the doctors about every fortnight to talk about it with the doctor. So I just don't tell anyone because I feel like maybe it's all in my head and I'm being stupid. But even when my parents aren't fighting and everything's actually fine, I just feel so sick. I think I realised late last year that I don't want to be around anyone anymore. As mean as it sounds, I don't care about anyone anymore either and I don't like writing or painting or anything and it annoys me because as much as I try to like it, I can't. Lately, I tried figuring out what on earth I'm even on this earth for so I can do that and just get out but even then people say I'm too young to know that yet. I'm trying to help myself and figure out what's wrong without bothering anyone but I just can't. I'm not saying I have a problem, because yea there are people out there who probably have it much worse off than me I know. But I guess everyone's different, and I really can't take it anymore. I downright hate myself and don't know what to do about it. Then again maybe it's just a phase I'm going through like how everyone goes through ups and downs but as much as I don't want to think it's true, I can't stop and think of a time where I've been happy for more than a couple of days straight. I'm not stressed about anything because uni work is going how I wanted it to and thankfully I'm doing well, with my parents arguing, I'm way over even caring what happens now, my friends, I honestly don't care about that either and I'd much rather stay at home than go out with them or anyone. Sorry if I've offended anyone with what I've said somehow, but I really just needed to get most of it out If anyone feels this way as well, or has been there and dealt with it, it'd be nice to hear about it.

Red-Rilakkuma Just a spot to vent really
  • replies: 4

I just need a place to vent right now. I just wanted to write the main events that I believe have caused my depression. I'm 18, I finished high school last year and I've lived with my grandparents most of my life except for when I moved to live with ... View more

I just need a place to vent right now. I just wanted to write the main events that I believe have caused my depression. I'm 18, I finished high school last year and I've lived with my grandparents most of my life except for when I moved to live with my mum for about 3 years because I couldn't stand living with my grandparents for any longer. I didn't know it then but my mum was horrible too. She was a massive alcoholic, pot smoker with anger issues. When she would get drunk (which was almost every night) she would either start on me or my eldest brother and call us all the names under the sun, this happened on both my brother and my birthdays. On my 15th birthday she cornered me in my brothers room and was telling me what a horrible person I was. I ran to my friends house and stayed there that night and when I got home she said sorry and asked for a hug like nothing had happened, I couldn't forget it. On my brother's 18th birthday she done the same thing, only we had a backyard full of people and she completely belittled him in front of all his family and friends. The following year she decided to take the family to dreamworld for my 16th birthday. She said it would be a family thing, then about 3 weeks before we went she got a boyfriend, and everything turned worse. She brought him to queensland with me and my little brother and someone who I thought was my best friend. The day we went to dreamworld as soon as we got there her and her boyfriend ran off and left me with my 4 year older little brother and "best friend". Shortly after that my best friend told me she wanted to go for a walk while we were sitting down having lunch, she then asked my little brother if he wanted to go with her because she was going to an arcade or something, and told me to mind all the food and drinks. I was left alone for about 2 hours in that one spot, on my birthday. I feel like I'm acting really spoilt when I say it like that, I want to clarify that I don't mean that in an "everything should be about me" kind of way. At the end of the day mum and her boyfriend got angry at me for being upset about the day, then said we were staying another night and coming back the next day, the next day the exact same thing happened. I'm not even going to describe the events that happened throughout the rest of the year, they were just all the same. Mum gets drunk, scream at me or my brother (who moved to our other grandparents house halfway through the year), we cry, she passes out. In May 2012 it was probably the worst month of my entire life. Mum had got her knickers in a knot after I had pointed out to her that she had been putting more effort into keeping her boyfriend happy and impressed than she had for the rest of the family (me and my younger brother). She was angry for a whole week and that weekend I called my grandparents and asked if I could stay over there for the weekend (Mum hates them) and mum was really angry that I wanted to willingly go over there. I had to get her to drop me off at the bus stop so I could go there but because she was too busy smoking cones, she dropped me off at the bus stop late and I missed the bus. I'd left my phone at home because I was distracted by an argument we'd had when she was cramming in about 3 cones and I was saying we were late, so I could call her to tell her I'd missed the bus. My grandparents knew the time the bus was supposed to get in and got all worried when I didn't get off the bus. I had to wait at the bus stop for about 4 hours for another bus and when I finally got to my grandparents house they were crying and were about to call the police and they had been on the phone to mum and they told me I should call mum to tell her that I was there, so I did. When I called her she started abusing me about how much of an idiot I was, how I was a disgrace, how I should have walked to find a pay phone, and no matter what answer I gave her she just called me more names and I ended up hanging up the phone and breaking down. I was sitting outside with my grandparents crying about how I hated my life (I NEVER cry to anyone, no one ever understands, and neither did my grandparents) but I asked if I could move back to live with them and they said yeah. I was still considering it though when I went home and on the Monday when mum was driving me to the bus stop to catch the bus to school we had an argument and I told her that I'd asked them if I could move back which she didn't take well, she told me that I "shouldn't bother coming home" that afternoon and should just go straight to my grandparents place, which I did. I had nothing but my school uniform and school bag and when they called her to ask if they could come over and get some of my clothes from there but she refused. It wasn't until the weekend that she finally let them come over to get some of my clothes, which she gave them a time frame of 3 minutes to get as much as they could or she would call the police and say they had forcibly entered. My grand parents were 63 and 70 years old. When they asked when they could get the rest of my things she said in a couple of week and that they would have to bring a police officer with them because she was afraid that they would be violent. When they took the police officer around there with them, she hid in the under house garage the entire time while her idiot boyfriend ran out there the second the the police wagon showed up and said "What ever these people told you is a lie!" the police officer wasn't even at the station when my grandparents went there to get one. The boyfriend then told the police that my grandpa had tried to run my mum over with his car. Which he hadn't, he's her father. The boyfriend was just telling lies the whole time my grandparents were getting the rest of my stuff which mum had just piled in the middle of the loungeroom floor, no regards if anything broke, which a lot had. After that whole fiasco, everything settled down for about a week, but I was really depressed at school and on the following Friday I had a massive break down in the library to my year adviser (who was sooo sooo understanding) and he organized me an appointment with the school counsellor, which didn't really help. That Sunday, one of my close school friends comitted suicide. I've never experienced anybody close to me dying, except for my dad, who died when i was 8 months old so I can't remember him, or anything about him at all. So my friend was the first close person to me that had died, and I really felt it. I felt so horrible for months. I couldn't handle everything that had happened, and it's still really hard. Nothing major like all that has happened since then, but since my mood went down then, it hasn't gone back up. I haven't seen/spoken to my mum since she told me to not go home that afternoon and I'm still living with my grandparents, who just make it worse. They don't understand the concept of depression, they don't understand the concept of anything. I'm doing a tafe course now, it finished at the end of this year, and the only times I am even slightly happy is when I'm either at tafe with people I like, or listening to my favourite band. The only problem with tafe is that I have absolutely no motivation to do any of the assessments I've been given. I've started smoking again, I'm sleeping in until 2pm every day I'm not at tafe and when I'm awake, I sit on my laptop with my earphones in. Earlier this month I wrote a letter to myself on a night I was feeling particularly down. "Dear Self, You’ve decided to write this to yourself because you weren’t feeling too happy at this time. You hope you can read this again later on in perhaps a couple of years where hopefully you are happy, not troubled like how you are feeling right now. You feel like you’re getting stuck. Stuck in this tiny town, all your friends have moved or live in a town further away. You never leave the house. Your day consists of waking up, making a cup of tea, watching Supernatural, listening to the GazettE, making more tea throughout the day then sleeping again at about 12am. You do this on every day that you don’t have to go to TAFE. You feel like you’re getting more and more depressed with each day that passes. You feel lonely, you don’t want to go out even if you have a chance to, and you don’t want to talk to your family because they frustrate you by just talking to you. When you’re at home, you never smile, you never laugh, you’re never happy. The only time you’re happy is when you’re at TAFE with people who you like. At TAFE, you’re scared of failing. You want to finish all your work but you literally have no motivation, even for this group assignment that you have to write the dialogue for, you haven’t done it. People are relying on you to do this. You’re scared of what will happen once you finish your TAFE courses. You want to be a travel agent, but you are having second thoughts about it. Maybe you’re too unorganized to be a travel agent; maybe you could find another job in tourism. You want to move out. You have one place that you would be welcome to move to, a friend's house in Melbourne. But you’re scared that you will end up jobless like him and living off the dole. He is happy with that life, you are not. You want to do something, you have ambitions. You want to get a job and earn money to move to Brisbane, but you want to have references and work experience in a travel agent before you move, but no where will accept you. You’re very overwhelmed by everything at the moment. You feel weak, it’s been a year and 6 days since your friend passed away and you’ve felt down because of that also. You’re not completely sure why you’re writing this, but you think that when your life starts to get better, you can read this and think of how it was all such silly things to feel stressed over. You’re trying to stay strong. You’re hoping that when you read this again, you are in a better state of mind, that you are happy, and living out of where you are now, as a travel agent in a city. You want yourself to know, that if you are reading this after years, if you are doing it rough, or are feeling down, that even though you feel horrible now, the future will get better, you’re writing that although at this very moment as this was written, you don’t fully believe it. You think it will just get harder. But if you’re feeling like this as you’re reading this, just remember, you have been through it before. And you will make it through it again. You will be happy one day, an unconditional happiness and nothing will worry you. You will have a stable home, and maybe your own family. This is just a rough patch. You’ve started smoking again, you know you shouldn’t and you’re paranoid of your grandparents finding out and getting angry at you, but you need another vice. You have two now; music and smoking. Music seems to be the only thing that makes you happy now and even that is painful because the lyrics are starting to actually get to you; the lyrics are one of two things what are keeping you alive right now. You could so very easily just end it, but you’re a coward. You’re scared of what is on the other side; you’re scared of there being no music there, what if it’s just darkness, a pitch blackness with no one and nothing but yourself. So you tell yourself lately: “Tomorrow does not disappear, don't kill yourself…” — Tomorrow Never Dies by The GazettE Live by these lyrics. Even if the going gets tough, remember that tomorrow never dies. " I feel horrible now that I read that. Especially the lyrics. I don't believe it. Everything just doesn't feel worth it. I don't want to go to the doctors because to do that, I'd have to ask my grandparents to take me, and they're nosey and wouldn't leave me alone until I told them why I was going, then they wouldn't believe it. My grandparents are so close minded. They are fake people, they have this image that they believe they have to uphold. They seem to get angry at me at the tiniest things, for example, tonight both of them went off their heads at me because I wasn't hungry and didn't feel like eating my grandma's home made sausage rolls. After they went off at me they continued to sit at the dinner table and discuss how horrible I am, that i'm wasting my life on my computer, how I never want to talk to them and how I'm sleeping the days away. They talk about me like I'm not in the room "She's sleeping too much, I'm going to take her laptop away from her". I can't take it. They're too much. But there is nothing I can do to get away, I have no job, no where will hire me, I don't get enough money from centrelink a fortnight to move out, I can't move out with anyone because all my friends have moved to queensland for uni and it's just too difficult. I don't really expect any replies to this. But I needed somewhere to vent. Sorry that it started to sound a bit like an autobiography.

Fritter Loneliness
  • replies: 5

I have no friends, only people who I sit next to in class, who I barely have anything in common with and can hardly hold up a conversation with. Everybody has interests different to me. The people that do have similar interests already have a lot of ... View more

I have no friends, only people who I sit next to in class, who I barely have anything in common with and can hardly hold up a conversation with. Everybody has interests different to me. The people that do have similar interests already have a lot of friends, and aren't even in my classes. The only reason people other than those I sit with really approach me is to get help with school work or to copy answers off of me. The classes in which I have nobody to even sit next to make me feel alone and worthless, especially German, where I have to talk to people. The teacher has to call people over to sit next to me, and they either barely try to hold up the conversation, concentrating on doing homework that they were supposed to have already done, or they treat me like a little kid, or both. I have German almost everyday of the week and I come home feeling miserable. Sometimes I go home crying. I don't want to tell my parents because we're poor and they don't need me taking money out of their pocket, and I don't think treatment is going to work - even if i got treatment, I wouldn't have friends, so it wouldn't change anything. I can't talk to people about anything other than my interests, but I never have much to say about them anyway. I don't even know what people normally talk about. Whatever it is, I don't think it's something I could discuss at length. I'm only really comfortable talking over the internet, and not even via instant messaging. The only reason I feel comfortable when I get home is because I have my music and my video games and my tv shows, because they give me something to do, unlike in class, where I can't concentrate on school work because I'm either feeling miserable or the class is too loud, and I can't draw because the teachers tell you to get on with your work, so I have to sit, thinking about how depressing everything is, writing random things in my book. I feel like my life has been going in a direction I don't want it to go, but I only just realised, and there's nothing I can do to stop it anymore. I don't know if I really want to do the subjects I'm doing. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. Everything feels meaningless.

listeningiskey Feeling Controlled and Trapped.
  • replies: 9

I have suffered with anxiety, Depression and OCD for the past 5 years now due to being abused as a child from my Biological father who I don't see any more. I always feel as if people are trying to control whatever I do and when I say people, I mean ... View more

I have suffered with anxiety, Depression and OCD for the past 5 years now due to being abused as a child from my Biological father who I don't see any more. I always feel as if people are trying to control whatever I do and when I say people, I mean some of my family members. I am 18 years of age and all I want in my life is happiness and to live each day as it comes and to live life to the fullest in a positive healthy way, I am so sick of people within my family controlling me and making me feel guilty over things I shouldn't feel guilty for example I do alot around the house to help my mum as she works from cooking to cleaning the house to washing clothes etc etc and I don't mind I believe families should help each other but no, in my step dads eyes if I forget to wash up one night or if I have a lazy day where I just want to go see my boyfriend or go out and have lunch or go shopping with friends it's like a crime.. That I should be at home 24/7 constantly spending time with my family and always helping around the house and doing crap for everyone, e.g. getting him coffees and something to eat as he doesn't do anything himself. When arguments happen due to all of this in the home, I get so overwhelmed and cant stop crying, The anxiety kicks in and I cant stop shaking and I have trouble breathing. As a teenager I never rebelled, I always told my parents the truth and was always honest.. Even if it was something I knew they would be upset at me about. My mum and I had a close relationship but because she is with him and because she has been with him for many years she sticks by what he says and well if she doesn't they just end up getting into an argument and then he yells and screams and starts calling me names and rages at me because he thinks im causing all the fighting. All I want is peace in my life, The things that keep me going each day are my boyfriend who I have been with for almost 3 years, He is really my support and the one person I know I can always count on to be there and listen to all this crap that is happening in my life. As a teenager I had no freedom I'd say.. If I wanted to go out with friends or to see my boyfriend I'd be allowed 1 day a week to choose what i wanted to do and who I wanted to see and there weren't many options I could choose from, When I turned 18 I started to stay at my boyfriends house once a week which I still do and then suddenly in my step dads eyes i was a slut, tramp, no self respect for myself and that I will get pregnant and ruin all their lives, My boyfriend and I are extremely responsible for when it comes to sex, We both use protection and I am also on the pill. Mind you this is my first serious relationship and I have only been with him and only him. My step dad treats me different towards his other kids, and of course its because I'm not his real child.. I understand that but he always says to me.. I've been like a father to you and you should respect me and I have spent so much money on having you and your mother in my life in other words I should be so grateful and treat him like a king really. I'm so over all the guilt trips and the mental and verbal abuse. I have my boyfriend and my grandparents and that's all I feel I really have.. Friends and my boyfriend have said I should move out.. I want to but im so scared that things will get worse and there will be a big fight and things will end badly.. I just don't know what to do. I want to enjoy my youth.. I don't want people controlling me and telling me what I can and cant do and at the same time, I know I am capable of making good choices, I'm responsible I just did my HSC last year, I have my P's I am studying full time.. I know I am on the right track and I am doing positive things. I honestly just don't know what to do.. I'm over feeling anxious and scared and down.