Family troubles

[summer1]

im having problems with my family. My sister used to like the guy im dating now - nothing ever happened between them and it was always one sided. she had dated many guys since then but she is refusing to be okay with it. i've been with him for 13 months and my family has known for 5 months. As a result my other siblings are also taking her side. Of the 7 people living at home with me, only my parents are being normal with me. I'm being ignored if I speak up about it and its reached a point where I feel bullied when it comes to other things completely unrelated to him. its like my sister is taking advantage of the fact that Im letting her have a say in the matter and she is using the fact that I feel bad about hurting her by being with him against me. sometimes its good between my siblings and I (when I pretend im not with him - not mentioning him) but when it's bad its terrible. Everyone gangs up on me and makes me feel like im doing something wrong by standing up for myself when she tries to pick stupid fights with me.

Its reached a point where i'm upset thinking about it throughout the day and when fights do happen I get really angry and lose control. Last night we got into a fight and everyone was telling me I was wrong, I went into my room and I was just wanting to really hurt myself. I feel like at the moment as much as I am thinking these things, I still have some control over whether or not I do it but im worried that I may not be as 'strong' if it keeps happening.

I talk to my partner about the things that happen at home and he is very supporting. it was only tonight that i told him about what i think at times when it gets really hard. i know he was trying to help when he told me to compare my family fights to bigger problems that other people are experiencing day to day and as much as i feel for these people, it doesn't change the fact that what im going through is big for me and is getting to me. he then told me about his cousin who committed suicide and his circumstances so i didn't want to continue our conversation because i felt like what i was saying may upset him.

there's nobody else i can talk to. it was hard enough telling him about what i was thinking - when im not actually in that state of mind and emotion, i feel like what i feel is dramatic and attention seeker-ish so i don't feel like i would be able to talk to my friends about this.

[JessF]

Hello summer, are you able to talk to your parents about this?  While it sounds like the relationship with your sister and other members of your family isn't good right now, you say your parents are ok.  I am sure they would want to know how distressed you are feeling.  If not them, what about your school counsellor?  It is important you speak to someone about your feelings, they are very concerning.  If it was just 'attention' you wanted, there are a lot easier ways to do that, this is the brain's way of telling you that something is wrong.  Talking to the bb counselors on web chat here is always a good idea too.

[geoff]

dear Summer, you mention that your sister has dated 'many guys', so is it possible that she has tried to 'get on' with your boyfriend, which hasn't happened, and that's why she is always picking a fight with you.

It seems as though any direct communication about this with your boyfriend has stopped, because you don't him to remember about his cousin, this maybe so, but you need to talk to someone else, and whether this is to your parents or to a counsellor, and personally I would start with the latter, because may say 'not to worry about any of what's happening', but this won't solve the problem.

So if you see a counsellor and learn about these discussions then you will then be able to raise this with your parents, because there will be some important knowledge that you will be able to handle these discussions. Geoff. x