Relationship with both individuals experiencing mental illness?

[moomoo7]

I'm just going to try and cut my story short as i really need some advice and past experiences to work from.

A few months ago, i started dating this guy. We were both 17. I have been struggling with severe depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and self harm for many years. He had experienced some of it in his past also, but was generally healthy at the time. We dated for about 3 months and we were both so attached and really loved each other. Unfortunately one night we had a huge fight and my boyfriend decided he was going to chat up another girl, send her photos etc.

It wasn't until 3 weeks later that i found out what he did. It was the day before my 18th birthday and i broke up with him because i was so upset, hurt and disappointed with him. 

We didnt speak for a few weeks and then one day he decided to call me and apologise for everything that he did. I accepted his apology, but still did not want anything to do with him even though he was all i could think about.

Recently, in the past few days, we have started talking again as we are both having such a hard time letting go and forgetting all our feelings for each other. We are both so inlove with each other, even though we are so young. In the past few days we have been talking, he told me he ended up in hospital for having a breakdown. He is now also on medication for depression and has been self-harming. This has all happened in the 6 weeks that we have been apart.

We sorted everything out and have decided that we want to be friends, but eventually get back together as we are our happiest when we are together and its what we both want. We have decided to focus on ourselves and try our best to improve our mental states, but i just want to know whether this is a good idea and if it is worth it?

We are both willing to put in 110% and try our best to think positively and attend therapy (obviously at different places). Is it worth it? and if you have experienced this before can you PLEASE help me out.

I really love this boy, as silly as it sounds and i really want it all to work out but i'm not sure if its the right thing.

Thanks xx

[JessF]

Hello moomoo7, I think the best thing is to concentrate on getting better and to put off any relationship decisions until then.  I know from experience that embarking on any relationship and making promises in that area is not a good idea when you are unwell and seeking treatment.  By all means stay friends, but best to keep it that way otherwise it will interfere with your recovery by clouding your emotions and confusing you.  That's what I think anyway.

[Vera55]

Hello moomoo7. What an articulate young woman you are. Exploring the dilemma you are in sounds to me like a work in progress rather then a right or wrong situation. It also sounds like you are in good hands regarding having your own therapist and am sure are working on this with them.

As both of you struggle with things, sometimes it's a fantastic opportunity to grow with another person who understands and has first hand experience of what you too are experiencing. 

JessF also makes a good point which is also true, that being in a relationship can sometimes trigger in us even more vulnerable feelings because we are dealing with deep emotions.

i also think that to wait to get better before you start dating is a tough one because how do you know where your illness will take you? How long will it last? How long will your loved ones last?

there are no clear answers to these questions.

you certainly have some challenging times ahead. I think if your relationship is loving, caring, supportive and has a sense of future commitment it's worth exploring further.

we all mess up at times which has nothing to do with our illness. It's a nature of relationships. 

I must admit I had more fun and laughs in a dysfunctional relationship I had for a few years then the stable (read boring). 

It is a growing experience and Never tolerate abusive, manipulative behaviour .

good luck with all of that.